Beyond providing: Restructuring fatherhood

Fatherhood in this day and age is often overlooked or underappreciated. Women, on the other hand, are frequently offered advice on motherhood, even though many already have some understanding of what motherhood entails. Men, however, are often left unattended to. As a result, some men grow up, get married and follow societal expectations that reduce their role in the family to providing financially and materially. In doing so, they may neglect the broader responsibilities of fatherhood, which extend far beyond providing for their families.

Over the years, we have seen how Father’s Day has become less appealing or less celebrated in some settings, partly because men have allowed society to define how they should approach fatherhood. Society has created the notion that fathers are responsible for providing for the family, while mothers are expected to take care of it. Consequently, children may grow up feeling more emotionally connected to their mothers while perceiving their fathers as parents who played little or no role in their lives and upbringing. This is despite the fact that their fathers may have worked hard to meet their financial needs. The challenge is that these fathers may have provided financially without being emotionally or physically present.

This is not an attempt to compare fathers with mothers but rather to advocate for a more balanced appreciation of parental responsibilities, where Father’s Day is appreciated and celebrated as meaningfully as Mother’s Day.

Presence, not just provision
A father’s paycheck can feed a child, but his presence feeds the child’s sense of self. Children do not measure love in cedis or dollars; they measure it in minutes. They value the time spent listening without immediately trying to fix everything, showing up without being asked and taking an interest in the little things that matter to them.

When you are present, you become a witness to who your children are becoming, not just a manager of their behaviour. You are there for the science project at 10 p.m., the awkward middle-school dance and the questions they may be too afraid to ask their mother. This is where masculinity is redefined: strength looks like patience, leadership looks like listening, and love looks like showing up consistently.

Children may not remember every bill you paid, but they will remember whether you were there when it mattered. And being “there” means giving them your attention, too.

Restructuring fatherhood
1. Presence is about repair, not perfection

You will miss games. You will lose your temper. Restructuring fatherhood means taking responsibility for your mistakes, returning to your children, apologising when necessary and rebuilding the connection. This teaches them that relationships can survive mistakes when people are willing to acknowledge their faults and make things right.

2. Physical presence and emotional presence

Being in the house is not the same as being involved in your children’s lives. Children remember who showed up for the school play, who asked, “How was your day?” and genuinely waited for the answer. True presence means giving them your attention without constantly looking at your phone or allowing other distractions to take over.

3. Be a witness to who they are becoming

Present fathers do not merely correct their children’s behaviour; they also notice their interests, moods and changes. Saying, “I see that you love painting,” can mean more to a child than saying, “Stop wasting time painting.” Taking an interest in their passions communicates that they matter beyond their achievements.

4. Model masculinity up close
Sons learn how to become men by watching their fathers handle stress, apologise for their mistakes and accept defeat gracefully. Daughters learn what respect looks like from how their fathers treat their mothers and them. These lessons cannot be outsourced to a paycheck. Children need to see the values their fathers want them to embrace reflected in their everyday actions.

5. Show up for the ordinary moments
Heroic moments are easy to celebrate, but presence is built through everyday experiences: car rides, homework struggles, bedtime routines and ordinary conversations. These are the moments in which trust develops. When fathers consistently show up during the happy and uneventful moments, their children are more likely to believe they will also be there when life becomes difficult.

When a father is present, his sons learn about masculinity through observation rather than instruction. They watch how he handles frustration without shutting down, apologises without feeling that he has lost his dignity, and cares for others without treating such responsibilities as “women’s work.” This helps rewrite the script from “men provide and leave” to “men stay and feel.”

For daughters, a father’s presence becomes a reference point for how men should treat them. The way he listens to their ideas, respects their “no” and shows up for their events teaches them what safety and respect should look like before the world offers its own lessons. She does not just gain a father; she gains a reference point for the relationships she may build in the future.

In both cases, a father’s presence provides what money alone cannot: a model of relationships, identity and self-worth that children can carry with them long after they leave home.

Children do not need perfect fathers. They need present ones. And “present” is a verb, not an address.