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16 April 2018 | Men

How Premature Ejaculation Is Destroying Men And Marriages

Dr Oyebade Abalola Jerry
Photo credit - Shutterstock
Photo credit - Shutterstock

WHAT EXACTLY IS PREMATURE EJACULATION?
Premature ejaculation is a situation where a man cums (releases semen during sexual activity) before he (or his partner) wants this to happen. It’s simply when a man ejaculates before he wants to and experiences an orgasm with minimal stimulation. It’s that simple. He doesn’t have control over when he releases”. If he cannot really choose the time when he ejaculates, then he has premature ejaculation.

Having this issue once in a long while is not a problem but if it becomes consistent, if it is more of an “all the time” affair, then, there is a problem — you might need help. You will need a sex therapist to help you out.

TYPES AND GRADES OF PREMATURE EJACULATION
It is mild for some and severe for others. It gets very bad for some men that even at the thought of a lady (perhaps a sexy one) — just that thought — and they get wet and ejaculate in their boxers!

I have worked with several couples and, so I’ve heard several challenging stories. One of my clients complained that, sometimes, he would just be watching his wife undress –and that was the end of the show — he would just ejaculate!

Another client called me to complain about this problem. He said his typically happens when he is putting on a condom, and that’s when he releases inside it! It could be so frustrating and so embarrassing. Some men with this problem avoid ladies (and avoid sex) all together just because they want to avoid the shame associated with it.

That being said, for most men, it is not that bad. Quick ejaculation can happen either before or after penetration; but, for most men, it usually happens after penetration. And they don’t last beyond one or two minutes of penetration — and they just release; and everybody is not happy: the guy is not happy and lady is not happy.

THE NEGATIVE EFFECTS OF PREMATURE EJACULATION
#1: It Causes Low Self-esteem and Other Psychological Problems

Premature ejaculation affects one’s psyche and emotions. Several people with premature ejaculation suffer low self-esteem, lack of confidence, depression, feeling of worthlessness, and so on.

They also experience embarrassment, shame, frustrations, and general dissatisfaction. It paralyses and messes up with their emotional and mental health.

#2: It Destroys Love-Relationships and Causes Conflicts

Premature ejaculation could make one to withdraw emotionally from one’s partner, avoid intimacy, and avoid sex altogether. This has led to several cases of cheating, extramarital sex, separation, break ups and divorce

And, those not in relationships feel scared, ashamed and too insecure to start one or approach a partner due to insecurity

#3: It Reduces the Chances of Childbearing and Decreases Infertility

Premature ejaculation makes the guy avoid sex. This, in turn, reduces the likelihood of getting pregnant. Also, as discussed above, some people with very severe cases of premature ejaculation actually cum before penetration. These and few other reasons reduces the likelihood of pregnancy

#4: It Affects Every Other Aspect of One’s Life

The problem with premature ejaculation is that it affects one’s psyche, deeply, in ways that productivity in other aspects of one’s life gets affected too! One might notices lack of interest in work-life, social-life, religious commitments, and even physical health.

#5: It Is Difficult To Treat and Worsens With Time
We in the sex therapy world have a term called performance anxiety. This makes men with premature ejaculation have a worsening sexual experience. Due to past failure, the man fears (and unconsciously expect) not to be able to last long in bed; this anxiety leads to poor performance. And the poor performance further increases the performance anxiety which further worsen the sexual performance. It is a vicious cycle — like going down the drain. Except something radical is done about it, it doesn’t just get better with time. It doesn’t go on its own. It most likely worsens

SO, IS THERE A CURE FOR THIS?
Personally, I don’t like calling it “cure” because I don’t want my clients to have the mentality that they have a disease (that requires a cure!) I see it as a “challenge” that has to be overcome.

Some sex therapists and medical doctors prescribe drugs, but I rarely do. This is because all the drugs and pills prescribed for quick ejaculation have severe side effects –some of the drugs are also used for treating psychiatric patients and people with severe or chronic pain!

Secondly, most of those drugs are addictive and you could become dependent on them – meaning that without taking them, you would not be able to have sex! No, I recommend overcoming premature ejaculation in natural ways that would not lead to taking drugs and pills with serious side effects and eventual drug dependence. I rarely prescribe them.

Other sex therapists prescribe creams, gels, and sprays that will reduce the sensitivity of your penis! I don’t prescribe these for two reasons: First, it sometimes decreases sensitivity to a point where you no longer feel any sexual pleasure! What is the beauty of sex without the feeling of pleasure? Second, it doesn’t only reduce your sensitivity, but after penetration, the cream or spray will also decrease your partner’s sensations of sexual pleasure. This is no longer sex – but a casual hand shake!

And, several men have, on their own, tried the different things they have heard from friends, but usually these things don’t work because the cause (what we will soon talk about) is not really known by them. Consequently, the methods don’t really work. At best, they work temporarily – and do not last long.

Personally, for my clients, I follow the natural and psychological way using counseling, psycho-education, and behavioral therapy. It is safe, sustainable, and very effective. I also suggest lifestyle modifications and habit formation as certain factors like healthy eating, regular exercise, reduction of alcohol intake, and discontinuance of cigarette smoking (and other stimulants and drugs) can go a long way in helping men overcome premature ejaculation.

NOW, WHAT NEXT?
Sexual intimacy is one of the most beautiful gifts which when not working out well as it should, could leading to serious problems both in one’s personal life and love life.

People tend to keep sex problems and challenges secret. It is shameful to talk about your weaknesses and, more so, talk about such a very private thing publicly. It is understandable. I understand.

Fortunately, finding a reliable, professional sex therapist can give you a safe opportunity to talk about all your sex questions, concerns, problems, struggles, fantasies, and desires –privately and personally.

However, There are a variety of fruits, plants and other edibles that have been proven to help with genital blood flow, testosterone and prostate health.

Pomegranates have been studied recently for its testosterone boosting properties. Zinc, flavonoids and watermelon are also frequently mentioned.

Bananas not only serve as food for nutrition,they also help improve the production of hormones,increase energy level and help spice up sexual desire.

They contain Vitamin B6 which helps in the production of red blood cells, dopamine and serotonin.

Avocados are high in folic acid which would help increase sperm count in men.

For the women, it would help prevent birth defects.

There you have it,you want a great sex life add these fruits to your diet.

And to get better and quicker results.

quot-img-1Self deceit is the worst of all deceits.

By: Ojile Gabby quot-img-1
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