A letter to my fellow desperate girls

Is it you? Have you chased men before? Been so desperate for love, that you keep calling and hoping for a chance with people who disrespect you. Offer you no love or support, yet you are there killing yourself over them in the hope one day your brilliant nature will be clear to them, and they will realise how worthy you are of their love.

I know people have laughed at you, called you names for being desperate. They cannot see the tears that you been forced to shed, and the pain of being told you are not good enough, led you to this state of begging for love. By whomever shows you the slightest bit of interest, sometimes you chase people not even showing any interest. However, you think you'll win them over.

I suggest you take a year out to stop trying to find the one and find out you're the one you've always been looking for. No one can love you like you do. Then you will realise no one is worth running after. They are not Jerry and you are not Tom. When will you realise those who are hunted don't want to be prey.

Trust me, I've been there. I sent a Valentine's Day letter to a boy I didn't know when I was eleven, talking about love and some other ridiculous things. People laughed and he thought I was strange. Years later I've seen him and to be honest, he was never good enough for me. Since age eleven I've done it all, the constant messages with no reply, the men who didn't pick my calls but I kept calling. Sending extremely desperate messages, doing whatever I can for them in the hopes they will look at me with adoration. All in vain. If someone wants you, you never have to force it.

The real shame was because of this I pushed men away, men who would have been great for me because I was so scared of rejection, I felt no one would ever truly love me as I am. Since I always got rejected in my childhood and teenage years. As an adult anytime someone would show interest, I thought I had to do something extravagant to keep them. In my head who I was did not suffice. I had been rejected so many times. I never actually felt someone could love me.

As I began to realise I was attractive, I would put obstacles in the way for men who wanted to have my heart. I became a prize for a game show. Whoever could prove they loved me by overcoming those blocks I put in the way, would win a chance at seeing me in my vulnerable state. However, they were often turned off because I had become mean, sour and seemed materialistic by then. I hid the sweet, naive, shy, yet outspoken woman I am. The person with feelings normally in the right proportions, because I felt I had to do things or make men conquer me to love me.

I also started trying to collect unavailable men from their girlfriends bar one, which I did honestly liked because I thought, if I could take them from girlfriend, I must be special. Not knowing that it was a sleazy thing to do and that men who were cheating, were not the best potential partners and most of the time they only wanted to use me, because I was desperate and available. I do not condone what I did, but my hunger for love blinded me to commit such acts.

I made myself completely vulnerable in this article to let you know, you can be loved just the way you are. Whatever pain you're going through or any insecurities blocking your path to finding the love you deserve, work on them to heal and start loving yourself. Only then will the love you desire come to you. I'm on that journey too.

Forget about the people who laugh at you and gossip about you, show them you can change. Let them bow their head in shame when they see the desperate girl they use to know, has changed her ways and is getting the love she has always deserved.

Signed a recovering desperate girl, whose very beautiful, intelligent and accomplished.

Tuntum Nahana Akosua.

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