Masculinity kills love, humanity

The growing incidence of suicides among men and women alike owing to failing relationships, matrimonial disputes, separation and divorce, loneliness, and depression is posing deeper questions that encompass philosophical, psychological, emotional, behavioural, political, social, economic, educational, cultural and historical arenas rather than related to mere man-woman dynamics. It has become more visible and noticeable these days the amount of mental crisis that the young ones are going through in the country thanks to widespread communication channels and networks.

It is important to consider the fact that a relationship between a man and a woman is not merely personal and should not be seen as an exclusive one though it appears as such. A little deeper insight into this complex cobweb of a man-woman relationship gives a larger reflection of how and in what space it operates through and from. Akin to any other creature in nature, a human being also lives and is supposed to live in a complex network of inter- relationships. It is this very identity, dependency, belongingness and connectedness that gives any creature a sense of security in this boundless and limitless natural world. None on this planet can operate his/her life from the lens of or from the space of absolute autonomy, isolation, freedom and independence.

An individual enters into a relationship not as a plain slate but with the baggage of emotional and deep psychological elements, and differing values, ideals and worldviews. It is this very difference of personalities that breeds attraction, passion and longing at the initial stages of any relationship between the opposite genders. While biological/natural laws are always at play, the other factors that are external to gender orientation enter the dynamics of a man-woman relationship as it starts moving forward.

Over generalisation of masculine and feminine nature based on sexual and gender orientation overshadows the aspects like male femininity and female masculinity thanks to the rigid literary, cultural, and educational standards. Gender sensitivity studies by and large are based on gender exclusivity and give a blind eye on emotional aspects that supersede it. Love, dependence, vulnerability and emotions are beyond any gender affirmation.

Feminism and flaws
Modern-day feminism which largely centres around autonomy, dominance and power is only widening man-woman divide in the form of anti-thesis to patriarchal dominance rather than understanding the nature of a human being that craves connection, love and belongingness over isolation, independence and gender-driven freedom. In fact, it is breeding masculine urges both in men and women instead of offering the consensual and unifying viewpoint.

Expression and communication form the core of any relationship. Suppression of emotions and bottling up feelings only lead to disaster in a relationship.

Economic system
Neo-liberal political and economic architecture that is largely based on power politics, material growth, consumerism, supremacy and dominance of an individual and state is widening the gulf in the modern-day relationships. It is quite evident that financial freedom or autonomy and individualism as is what neo-liberal narrative emphasises do not guarantee happiness, peace and purposeful life. It is also wise to bring in the fact that financial security does not always guarantee a lasting relationship.

While it is agreeable that financial security plays a role in the progression of a relationship, it isn't the sole factor that decides the course of a man-woman relationship. The uncompromising competitive spirit that modern-day economic discourse proposes has been penetrated into the domain of relationships. Power, hegemony, masculine nature, authority, realpolitik behaviour, and resource thirst of the modern-day neo-liberal/realistic state serve as a reflection of its citizenry and vice-versa.

It is this very competition for power driven by ego, grudge, jealousy, material obsession and self-interest that form the core aspects of masculinity, be it in males or females, has been overshadowing and in dichotomy with the ulterior law of nature under which the entire mankind and nature itself operates. It is also important not to view masculinity exclusively from a gender lens and supposed to be looked beyond any gender or gender related notions.

It is pertinent to mention here that there exists no perfect relationship. Going by the complexity of the factors involved in any relationship, it sounds absurd to compare one relationship with another. Above all, no love is perfect. And, it is this very imperfect character of romantic love that gives its unique and inexplicable nature.

Though the conceptual narrative around masculinity has evolved over the time, the innate theoretical tendencies more or less have remained the same. Incorporation of a few feminine attributes into masculinity does not make it a peaceful, accommodative and compassionate personality trait. Though biological aspects do play a role in differentiating sexual orientation, hormonal differences, and bodily functions, they cannot be viewed as nature-defined personality traits.

It is beyond any doubt that women were subjected to enormous amounts of physical, emotional and psychological abuse during ancient and medieval times and had continued even till the end of 20th century thanks to masculine, conservative, dogmatic and patriarchal mindset prevailed in the then times. The stereotypes surrounding gender and its defined roles not only made literary definitions and attributes around masculinity and femininity rigid but also made it impossible to look at them as universal traits that go beyond any gender.

Customs and traditions
It is also axiomatic to mention here that the societal transformation in terms of values and ideals has not been in sync with the pace at which technology and economic growth are progressing. On top of it, rigid old-age customs and traditions and the lack of new age philosophy that keeps in touch with human progress and have been widening the fault lines in the domain of man-woman relationships.

In the arena of Judiciary, outdated matrimonial laws and lackadaisical reconciliation arrangements complemented by improper counseling systems have been causing immense distress to the parties involved in matrimonial disputes.

Relationship studies
While complete overhaul of the economic system can be a long-term ambition to be dealt with, the immediate and medium term goals should be centred around education while incorporating philosophy as a subject in school and college domains along relationship studies as a specific domain to create well-abled and scholastic relationship counsellors, addressing social customs, bringing in new age reforms in the realm of marriage laws, and mandatory relationship counselling for individuals above fifteen years of age.

Feminine statecraft
The masculine urge wherein its negative effects cannot be seen solely as an individual psychological phenomenon but as a discrete one that constitutes and reflects the behaviour of the larger political sphere. Wars, terrorism, and competition over resources are the culmination of masculine urge. Addressing the growing masculine pursuit irrespective of gender and the construction of feminine statecraft breeds the fertile ground for coexistence, harmony, cooperation and mutual dependence at all levels of state and all walks of individual life.

Author:-
Samudrala VK
Columnist on International affairs and Trade,

Director, Samudrala VK IAS Academy,
Expertise in Marxist & Neo-liberal studies.

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