What Happened To The Asante Family System?

There was a time when I did not understand why some people called their father’s brother “uncle” and their mother’s sister “aunt.” I also did not understand why their father’s brothers’ and sisters’ children were called “cousins,” just as their mother’s sisters’ and brothers’ children were called “cousins.”

I only came to understand these differences after travelling abroad and later moving to Accra.

In the traditional Asante family system, there is no place for the concept of a “cousin” in the way many of us use the word today. Your father’s brothers’ and sisters’ children, as well as your mother’s sisters’ and brothers’ children, are your siblings — wo nuanom kan.

Your father’s brother is your father, and your mother’s sister is your mother.

In the traditional system, your uncle is your mother’s brother, while your aunt is your father’s sister.

In a traditionally raised Asante home, your father would not normally introduce his brother to you simply as your “uncle.” He would say:

“Wo papa ketewa/kuma nie” — this is your younger father.

Or:
“Wo papa panin nie” — this is your elder father.

Likewise, your mother could introduce her sisters as:

“Wo maame kuma/ketewa nie” — this is your younger mother.

Or:
“Wo maame panin nie” — this is your elder mother.

This was more than just a way of addressing relatives. It reflected a philosophy of family.

The child did not grow up seeing only his biological parents as his parents. The family was a collective responsibility. Your father’s brother could discipline you, guide you, provide for you, and protect you. Your mother’s sister could do the same.

You belonged to the family, not just to your parents.

That is why I sometimes wonder: What happened to this sense of oneness?

Today, many of us have adopted family structures and terminologies that are different from what our forefathers practised. Some people may even grow up knowing their relatives more as “cousins,” “uncles,” and “aunts” than as members of one extended household of responsibility.

Our forefathers understood that unity created strength.

The family could come together to establish a family farm, build a family house, support the education of its members, assist someone travelling abroad, contribute to a member’s livelihood, and stand firmly behind a family member during difficult times.

And when death came, the family head — the Abusuapanin — had a much bigger responsibility than simply presiding over funeral arrangements.

A funeral was also an opportunity to bring the family together, settle disputes, restore relationships, and remind everyone that family was bigger than individual disagreements.

Today, we have many families where siblings no longer speak to one another, cousins barely know each other, and family disputes can continue for generations.

Perhaps we have modernized many things, but have we lost something important along the way?

I am not suggesting that everything in the past was perfect. Neither am I saying that every Asante family followed exactly the same customs. But I believe there are important traditional values that we should examine, preserve, and pass on to the next generation.

The question is:
Have we lost the traditional Asante understanding of family, or are we simply adapting to a changing world?

And if some of those traditional values are disappearing, should we make a conscious effort to bring them back?

I believe this is a conversation worth having.

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