Yaanom and the Elephant: A Tale of Names and Nature

Dear Readers,
My late grandmother, Nana Yaa Abuakwaa, imparted a sage truth that buzzes louder than the market on payday: people often pick up the characters of whatever they are named after. This nugget of wisdom has stuck with me like chewing gum on a sandal, and a staggering revelation I stumbled upon about the elephant and the behaviour of Yaanom seems to back this up—as if anyone needed more proof. Don't worry, I am going to do that with microscopic diligence and undeviating exactitude.

Let’s start with an elephant in the room—the elephant itself. As the largest land mammal, with a lifespan that outlasts even my grandauntie’s nagging, elephants are the true long-haulers of the animal kingdom, living up to 70 years. They can sniff out water three miles away, a skill that would make any Yaanom scout jealous, especially one trying to find a stash of “party funds.” But what really catches the eye is their grieving process. A mother elephant mourning her child slumps in despair, tries to revive the dead, and sometimes wallows in the sadness for years on end. Sounds eerily familiar? Isn’t this the exact behaviour we've observed in the ranks of Yaanom after their 2008, 2012 and 2024 elections defeat? The endless whining, the burning desire to set things ablaze—figuratively or literally—isn’t this just a prolonged elephantine mourning ritual? Agyeeiii, Yaanom, you’re the elephant’s twins, no doubt.

Elephants eat 16 hours a day, consuming 495 pounds of food. That’s a hearty appetite! And here’s a fun fact: people associated with the elephant have an insatiable appetite too. It’s almost a hereditary trait! They chop waa waa waa with gusto and will go to any lengths, including looting government coffers and grabbing lands like the world owes them something. I’m not naming names (don’t want any trouble), but if you have examples, add them mentally—there’s plenty of fodder.

Now, let’s talk “musth,” the elephant’s way of saying “madness incoming.” When an elephant is excited or angry, it oozes this oily substance from a gland between the ear and eye. ‘Musth’ translates roughly to madness—and that’s exactly the mood Yaanom enter when they threaten to “burn down the building housing the Umbrella.” No lie, these guys enter the all-die-be-die mode faster than you can say “no wahala,” turning from calm to chaos in the blink of an eye. Remember, I’m just the messenger here.

Discipline? Elephants use trunk-slaps, kicks, and shoves to keep unruly family members in check. Yaanom have upped the ante with acid baths and stabbings. Talk about escalation! I wonder if the elephants are watching nervously from their watering holes.

In terms of diet, elephants are herbivores—they live comfortably on plants. Does this explain why some Yaanom “live on herbs” too? Ah, but hold on! If you whispered “thick smoke,” I wouldn’t blame you for thinking that way, but that's far from any herb I know. Kikikikikiki! This is a hard fact, paaa. A food for thought that might keep you chewing for a while.

So, my late grandmother was right—it’s not just superstition that people take on the traits of what they’re named after. Whether it’s an animal, a plant, or a metaphor, the character sticks. Considering all this, the next time Yaanom act irrationally or perform their dramatic rituals, just remember—they aren’t crazy; they’re merely embracing their inner elephant, trunk, musth, and all.

Anthony Obeng Afrane

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