Kontomire Kontroversy: Focusing on the Unanimous FC and the Captain

Way back in the early twentieth century, Nigerians, mainly Yorubas were well-established in Ghana and contributed immensely to the socio-economic development of the country before and after independence.

They were integrated in the socio-economic and political structure of our country until their sudden deportation by the Busia government through the Aliens Compliance Order of 18th November 1969. It was estimated that close to 200,000 Nigerians lived in Ghana at the time when Ghana's population was only 8.5 million.

This history of Nigerians establishing themselves in Ghana many years ago reminds me of a story between a Yoruba man and his son, Lasisi when I was growing up as a child. They lived at Topreman, a mining village near Akwatia in the Eastern Region for so many years that they became very familiar with the customs and culture of the people of the area, and even relished traditional meals like cooked plantain and kontomire stew with palm oil as well as dried salted tilapia popularly known as koobi.

Lasisi had to endure the pain of eating with his father in the same earthenware bowl for a long time. The shrewd Yoruba man unscrupulously tilts the earthenware dish for all the palm oil to accumulate at his side of the bowl. Lasisi decided to hatch a plan in defiance of his father's dishonesty.

One day, as they were having their favourite dish, he created a narrow furrow in the middle of the stew redirecting the palm oil to his side. Boiling with anger, his father shouted in imperfect Twi, and pronouncing "si" as "shi", screamed: "Lasisi, shi gutter no." That is to say, "Lasisi, block the gutter to prevent the palm oil from flowing to your side."

Similarly, many "gutters" have been created by the Unanimous FC and their captain in so many lopsided competitions for many years.

And what is even making the greater mass of the population extremely angry and impatient is that while Oga JM wants to prepare kontomire stew with zomi palm oil for culprits of ORAL at the Nsawam Prisons, the captain of the Unanimous FC, aided by the Ghana Association of Chop Bar Keepers, like Lasisi, wants to create a narrow furrow to redirect the zomi palm oil from Nsawam Prisons to the Korle Lagoon.

Oga JM, naturally, was not pleased. He saw his kontomire-stew-fueled rehabilitation programme slipping away, replaced by a greasy, stagnant lagoon. And so, in a dramatic move worthy of a Nollywood blockbuster, he suspended the captain of Unanimous FC.

Now, 70 percent of the masses are in an uproar. They have been deprived of their joy of seeing culprits of ORAL enjoying vicarious prison stew with zomi palm oil and koobi, and want the captain of Unanimous FC shown the red card. They remember the Akan proverb: “A child who doesn't want his mother to sleep at night will never be spared of the enema.” In other words, trying to meddle with the national kontomire supply for ORAL prisoners comes with consequences.

The air is thick with accusations, denials, and hastily constructed defenses, especially by the Ghana Association of Chop Bar Keepers. Pundits are dissecting the situation, analysing the symbolism of the kontomire, the significance of the zomi palm oil, koobi and the deeper meaning of the Korle Lagoon.

The nation holds its breath, waiting to see if Oga JM can prevent the Korle Lagoon from becoming a giant, oily soup, and finally deliver the kontomire stew to its intended recipients. Only time will tell. But one thing is certain: in Ghana, the struggle for palm oil, metaphorical or otherwise, is a never-ending drama, a timeless tale echoing the age-old battle between Lasisi and his shrewd, palm-oil-loving father. And as for Unanimous FC, well, perhaps they should stick to football. And maybe, just maybe, learn to play fair.

And above it all, echoing across the dusty streets and bustling markets is the frustrated cry of the masses: “Kai, Oga JM, shi gutter no!” Block the gutters! Stop the Chop Bar Keepers! Chase that crazy baldhead Captain of the Unanimous FC out of town! And give our ORAL culprits their vicarious prison meal of cooked unripe plantain with stew laced with zomi palm oil and koobi!

Anthony Obeng Afrane

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