I’m Not Okay, But If Okay Is Living, Then I’m Very Much Okay

Sometimes, it’s only when someone is gone that we truly understand the struggles and pain they were going through. By then, it’s too late—their silent cries, hidden battles, and invisible wounds become painfully obvious in hindsight. We look back on the moments we shared, the smiles they offered, and wonder how we missed the signs. It’s a heartbreaking reality of our world.

But how often do we take the time to ask ourselves: Are we really okay? Or do we just say we are because we’ve been conditioned to say “I’m fine” when we are anything but? I’ve caught myself in moments of distress, putting on a brave face, wearing a smile to shield my true emotions, and responding with a simple, “I’m okay” when deep down, I know I’m not.

Have you ever stopped to think about what “I’m okay” really means when you ask someone how they’re doing? More often than not, it’s a polite way of saying, “I’m not okay, but I’m surviving.” It’s a silent plea that says, “I don’t want to burden you with my troubles,” or perhaps, “I don’t even know how to put my struggles into words.” Trust me—most of us are not okay. You know it. I know it. We all know it. We’re all carrying invisible weights, acting as though we’re tough, unbreakable, and capable of handling everything life throws at us. But the truth is, we’re not. The masks we wear—smiles, laughter, and the occasional social media post—are just shields, protecting us from a world that often doesn’t have the patience or space for vulnerability.

Think about it for a moment. Are you facing something that no one else sees or knows? Are you hiding pain behind a facade of happiness? Are you one of those people who go through life with a brave face, even when your heart is heavy and your soul feels weary? If so, know this—you’re not alone.

Many of us are fighting battles that no one can see. Some are dealing with serious health problems, choosing to stay silent because they fear being pitied or misunderstood. Others are overwhelmed by debt, struggling to meet responsibilities, and trapped in financial uncertainty. There are those whose hearts ache with loneliness or rejection, longing for love and connection but finding none. Many people’s dreams have been delayed, disrupted, or entirely shattered, leaving them wondering if they’ll ever find purpose again. Some are battling mental health challenges—depression, anxiety, insomnia—all while pretending to have it all together. And others are grieving silently, mourning the loss of a loved one, a relationship, or even their sense of self.

Before you judge someone for how they act, pause and reflect. That person you think has it all together might be hanging by a thread. The friend who seems distant might be retreating because they don’t have the energy to explain their pain. The colleague who posts about their accomplishments or vacations might be clinging to those moments as their only source of hope. And what about you? Have you judged yourself too harshly for feeling like you’re not enough? For struggling to keep up? For failing to meet society’s unrealistic standards?

In the Upper West Region of Ghana, there’s a wise saying, “Ningsaala Puobabangna,” meaning, “You cannot tell what is in someone’s stomach.” This proverb speaks to the profound truth that we can never fully understand another person’s thoughts, emotions, or the struggles they carry. Everyone has their own battles, some of which we may never see, but that doesn’t make them any less real.

The world is already heavy enough. Why make it heavier for someone else? Why spread rumors, carry grudges, or tear people down when everyone is battling their own invisible demons? What the world needs now is kindness, compassion, and empathy. Be kind to the stranger who looks lost in thought. Be kind to the friend who hasn’t returned your call. Be kind to the colleague who seems distracted. And most importantly, be kind to yourself. Because you, too, are human. You, too, are allowed to have moments of weakness.

The next time you see someone smiling, remember—it doesn’t always mean they’re happy. The next time someone says, “I’m okay,” don’t assume it’s the whole truth. And the next time you find yourself envying someone’s life, remind yourself that what you see is only a small part of their story.

I say this to myself as much as to anyone else: I’m not okay. I’m struggling. I’m carrying burdens you may never see. But if being okay means finding the strength to keep going, if being okay means living through the pain and showing up despite the struggles, then I am very much okay.

Are you carrying a silent battle? Are you struggling with something you haven’t shared with anyone? Do you feel like the weight of the world is on your shoulders? Have you ever wished someone could see through your smile and simply ask, “What’s really going on?” If so, take heart. You’re not alone. And no matter how hard life gets, we will survive. We will make it through—one day at a time, one step at a time.

Let’s be better to one another. Let’s listen, support, and uplift. Because sometimes, the smallest act of kindness can be the light that pulls someone out of their darkest moment. And if you’re reading this and feeling unseen, unheard, or overwhelmed, remember this: you are not alone. You are loved. And you are stronger than you know.

By Victor Raul Puobabangna Plance from Eggu in the Upper West Region of Ghana 🇬🇭

#Puobabangna

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