About Marriage Problems, Solutions Or Something Like Either

"That they all may be one." This is memorized in the Biblical verse of John 17:21 and happens to be the most notable slogan of the Presbyterian Church of God. After a dim recruitment attempt and sensing those regular speeches given by employers who already have their chosen staff of which I seemed to be of no part , I resorted to locating where I could find solace. I knew very well that I needed this escapism now in order to reminisce about it in the nearest future because I knew very well I'd soon return to the Ashanti to continue from where I left off in my stagnant profession. This was a humdrum of an occupation that is noted for the most industrial action in the history of Ghana. Anytime I see a more suitable vacancy I believe I qualify for or overqualify for, I apply without hesitation in anticipation of resigning from where I've spent over 6 years away from my most adored relatives and a few of my extremely good friends.

When I called my sister and she confirmed she was around I rushed and overpaid the public transport from the GNAT recruitment center at the Wisconsin International University to my sister's at one of the burgeoning residential areas or nascent estates in Accra. Don't be too swayed by my frustrating experience from an attempt to get myself employed. My rationale for this article is not about an ineffective recruitment process but to bring to you issues about marriage based on the amalgamation of views from a gathering of a plethora of people.

Going back to the first line of this piece, how best can people be one, if not in holy matrimony or familial union between a man and a woman. So when today's sermon was, according to the preacher, a special request by the men's fellowship of the Mount Zion Presbytery of the Presbyterian Church of Ghana at Teshie, I knew I was at the right place. With quiet lips and unclogged ears, I carefully listened to the sermon and open discussion on the topic of marriage as if I was going to write an exams about it.

I tell you I was not the only one avid about the topic; the smiles on the faces and the elated cacophony from almost all the congregants present meant we were in this joyous mood together.

When the preacher asked the first question about the problems faced in marriages, the women pipped the men and took the microphone. To them:

1. The men are very stubborn.
2. The men like getting too angry when they are rejected during times of intimacy.

3. Men are not decisive. They ask you to do something and want something else all together after spending so much time doing what they previously requested from you.

4. Men like cheating too much.
Women would still have been women had their list of reasons not truncated by taking microphone from them to the men.

The men were very simple and direct as usual. They hovered around only two problems they believe they encounter in marriage:

1. Women have some unforseen anger that emerges abruptly in good conversation periods. This is what was collectively termed as the "Silent Bomb."

2. Women are wont to giving too much excuse in the bedroom.

From these perspectives of reasons, the common factor is the bedroom excuse. One would not need the cowries of a soothsayer to know the bedroom excuse is among the top 5 list of the most heartbreakingly painful things a man cannot bare. The hurt associated with this is equivalent to the pain felt by a man that has accidentally zipped his trousers together with the skin of his genitals.

The preacher enquired further what might be the causes of cheating. Just like members of government and opposition collectively agree to issues of exgratia and salary increments, both genders of the congregation brought the following reasons:

1. Character. Through accumulated practice of cheating before marriage. It's in the nature of those who mostly cheat before marriage to continue cheating after marriage.

2. Lack of resources in the house. The absence of money which was originally meant to make life easier causes one pair to go cheat to get the perceived resource.

3. Bad company of friends, colleagues or neighbours. This is what we'd have understood during our pre-tertiary education days as "Peer Pressure/ Influence." It's axiomatic some mild prejudice among friends who cheat resort to calling you names, mocking your martial integrity and considering you boring.

4. Lack of sexual satisfaction. Prolonged sexual deprivation coerces people, if not most men, to cheat.

5. Lack of respect and appreciation. The absence of these go a long way to affect couples. A disrespected or unappreciated partner at home is easily coaxed when outsiders of the opposite gender accord them some forms of respect and appreciation, which is mostly overexaggerated. Some lack of appreciation mostly emerge from the perception that whatever good deed that have been done are codified in the list of duties and responsibilities of a spouse.

6. Technology factors such as social media enables couples to spend excessive time on phones or computers in lieu of ensconcing themselves in quality time with their respective partners and family.

The question then emerges on what can be done assuage the problems of cheating and remediate the above-mentioned marital problems?

Under the tutelage of the preacher, the congregants were umpired to bring out these solutions.

1. Women must find a more palpable way of expressing their tiredness, apathy or lackadaisical attitudes towards sex.

2. Women must be able to empty their men dry so that they cannot have anything to give when they go out. (We can pretend this is about the pocket of men instead of the scrotal sack).

3. Kindly note things that can be done in the ages of 20s are conspicuously different from what one is capable of doing in the late 40 and 50, in terms of classs and exuberance, sexually.

4. Marry far from religious and doctrinal differences. One should proselytize the other before marriage than after tying the knot. Converting people after marriage is as squeezing blood out of stone. Same church means same programmes, venues and time duration. The all-night or evening services will not be a palpable excuse to leave a spouse at home to cheat elsewhere because the spouses can track the movements of spouses when they are neither at home nor at work.

5. All attention must not be given to the kids all the time to the neglect of the husband. There is a reason why "There is time for everything" is one of the most popular adages in our society.

COMMUNICATION AND ANGER ISSUES IN MARRIAGE

1. Communication births and nurtures transparency.

2. When feelings are not communicated and remain unspoken, interpretation is subjectively different.

3. Communication when done properly extinguishes the flames and embers of anger. When things go wrong, partners, because they know themselves, should be able to know the how and the when to communicate as an apology to things that might have ignited anger. Some do this by letting a partner leave the house to work before placing a call to express regret and give apology to actions and behaviours. Other take advantage of the golden hours of dawn to apologize and communicate effectively on issues that might have aroused anger.

4. Look for better romantic names to call your spouses. To one seemingly 50 year old lady, women of the church must look for a sweeter and more enticing name to call their husbands in the place of "Daddy", which to her, looks outmoded, archaic or antediluvian. (Should we tell her ladies who know "Wossop" nowadays prefer daddy or the adulterated version of incorporating the letter "Z" in daddy to make it sound "Zaddy, Zazzy, Zadzy or something like that").

Even though many are of the view that there's no clearcut or one-fits-all ideology marriage, it's an undeniable fact that the aforementioned teaching were from a wealth observations and experiences which are applicable to our lives.

By
Martin Elorm Dogbo
Bilingual Education and Communication Specialist

elormmdogbo@gmail.com

   Comments0