BREAKING NEWS: JESUS APPEARS AT KORLE BU
Thousands of people have gathered in-front of the Korle-bu Hospital after it was announced yesterday that Jesus Christ had been admitted at the hospital. We have our correspondent there and he will give us an update to what is going on there-
Can you hear me Uncle ebo Heaven? Kindly tell us what is going on at the hospital! “Thank you, this is uncle ebo heaven reporting from the Korle bu Hospital, the crowd here is beyond control, as they eagerly wait to catch a glimpse of Jesus. Most of the renowned International Press men and women are here, unfortunately nobody is allowed into the ward where he is receiving treatment. I have a doctor here who will speak to us on the issue:
Reporter: Good day Doctor, can you explain to us what is going on here and how it all started?
Dr: Thank you. Hmm, I don't know how to start it but all I can say is that is true that Jesus is on admission here, some angels rushed him here last night. He is diagnosed to be suffering from Cardiomyopathy(cardio= heart+myo=muscle+pathy=disease).
Reporter: What are His chances of survival and what causes this kind of arrest?
Dr: Basically is caused by what we normally call broken heart, it happens when one is disappointed by a loved one. If He can forget about whoever is causing him this pain, he has greater chances of survival. (Suddenly there was a loud shout from the hospital that exclaimed: I can't forget about them because I love them). Immediately, a Doctor came from the theatre and said that Jesus has a message for the world and He wants a reporter to capture His voice so I should come with him. I was astonished why there were so many journalists outside and he had to choose me, he replied “I see the heart of all men”
As I was led into the room by the Doctor, The doors were all locked. The doctors were sweating profusely, doing everything possible to revitalize Sick Jesus but to no avail. He coughed with his right hand on His chest as a primary 4 student does when singing the National Anthem, Jesus mentioned my name and said, “I am giving you this special information to relay to the world: I am suffering from Cardiomyopathy because I can't stand the hurt and pain again. My children on earth are doing what I tell them not to. I gave my life for them so that they will not be condemned yet the sins of this world are maddening day by day. Tell the Politicians to stop using innocent blood for rituals, the blood of those people are crying from their graveyards.
My young and beautiful daughters break my heart when I see them on the streets selling their bodies. My young and energetic men break my heart when I see them obsessed with masturbation and drugs. I sob to see people I have called to be pastors exploiting the very people they must help, taking money from them before they pray for them, did I do that when I once lived on this earth?. Today everybody is busily attending to their own issues, they have forgotten about me. I am so much worried for them because they don't know how the fire in hell burns, nobody can stand it, he added
“In the days of Noah, when the animals walked into enter the ark, they did so one male to one female, yet human beings, created in my image and likeness are doing what is despicable, same sex marriage is tearing my heart apart. The worst of it is some people I blessed and put in high places to advocate for sanity now speak in favour of such stench all in the name of human rights”. (He paused for a glass of water)
I quickly asked “Jesus you are the Mighty Healer and by your stripes we are healed, how can you suffer from heart attack without curing yourself?” he smiled and whispered “You can't understand my son. I am the Fountain of Living Water but I was thirsty on Calvary, I am the Bread of Life but I was hungry in Matthew 4vs 2” and he continued sympathetically:
“Yesterday there was a General Council meeting in heaven and my father, I AM THAT I AM, disclosed to me the date and time for the judgement of man, the date he gave me is very soon and I realised many of my children are not saved by my blood, I couldn't help it with my tears, I pleaded passionately for Him to wait a little longer but He seemed so enraged that he concluded “I can no longer accommodate the sins of this world”. His comment cut deep into my heart like a sharp knife thrust through a piece of cake, I started coughing and I had sharp pains in my heart then I was rushed in here for treatment”.
“Tell the world, they should have themselves to blame when they are thrown into the lake of burning fire. Even though many are sinning there are a few people who have not stained their garment, tell those people I have a message for them in Rev 3 vs. 11” (I am coming soon, hold on to what you have, so that no one takes away your crown.)
Tell everyone under the sound of my voice, who have heaven on their minds and want to make it to go out there and preach the gospel to others, the time is now, tell them not to procrastinate. To realise the value of ONE YEAR, ask a student who failed Maths in High School, and had to wait another year for re-sitting. To realise the value of ONE HOUR, ask the lovers who are waiting to meet. To realise the value of ONE MINUTE, ask a person who just missed a train. Treasure every moment that you have, he added, “Tell my children I really love them and if it was possible for me to die again to save them I would not hesitate, all I need from them is to accept me as their saviour and turn away from their sinful ways so that they can lead many to heaven. This is my message to the world,” he concluded.
At this point in time the theatre was in a pin drop silence, I saw tears dropping from the cheeks of two female Doctors and the three male Doctors, they all went closer to Jesus, bowed before his bed and one of them said” Jesus we are sorry for all the abortions we have done for people, sorry for the stealing of drugs to individuals,” another Doctor wipes her tears with her pink handkerchief and said “Jesus because of my money I never had respect for ordinary people, I avoided people who spoke to me about you, now I want to resign from my profession and devote the rest of my life preaching you to the world.” The remaining Doctors said they will give out their properties to help the poor. Jesus gave a beaming smile that was a sign of relief to His ill health.
I am now stepping out, I see the crowd praying for Jesus to recover. Over to you Gabriel, reporting from the Korle bu Hospital where Jesus has been admitted, is being Ebo Turkson, reporting for Heaven FM.
Thank you, listeners that was an intensive reporting from our correspondent, wow, I am short of words, all I can add to what he has said is to ask you this question “What are you also doing for Jesus to save him from the heart attack the world is giving him”.