Staying Strong: Coping With Loss

Life is full of surprises, some good others not so good. In the event of a loss many of us feel helpless, sometimes it feels like the world is coming to an end, or it is the end of the world for us in a sense, we feel overwhelmed. The strength and hope to transcend these uphill battles in our lives are tackled differently by different people from different cultures. The loss of a child, a husband, a parent is not an easy feat to just get over, it takes time.

However, for every tragedy that has happen in our lives, we ought to know that there is a positive aspect somewhere. There is a lesson to be learned and often, these tragedies not only leave us at a loss, but also grant us the strength, the knowledge and the understanding that one day we may stay strong to help someone going through that same loss.

It has been my experience as someone who have lost the mother in my mid-twenties and lost a husband in early thirties that it's not easy. There are days that one feels absolutely down and out, and there are other days that the coping is better. In all, I am thankful that I have my children. This is the understanding in life that I have come to embrace. Whatever I have been through and continue to go through, there is a purpose. It has taken me sometime to realize that in my chosen profession and my personality, I stand strong because of an inner strength that I have been gifted. Based on this therefore, I can console, encourage and motivate people beyond just the here.

Staying strong is an understatement in the time of loss, feelings of despair are a constant part of grieving, but the knowledge of there being a better tomorrow, and having hope is very important. In life, we have plans of how and where we want to be in the future. We plan sometimes too well not allowing space for other eventualities. Giving life some leeway and understanding that life is not always according to how we plan, but that disasters do happen that derails us from the path we trying to walk help, help us cope better.

There is always a tomorrow no matter what. Death is a part of the living that we cannot do away; the question is how would you survive with such a loss? Many a times, we seclude ourselves and mourn, and that does us no good. What I found enterprising is doing what I love most, writing, listening to music and dancing and sometimes having a self-pity party with my pillow and after a while, listening to music calling up a friend or picking up a book to read. If you are religious, then church and prayers can do wonders in uplifting the spirit. Also, spiritual songs and motivational speeches, hearing from people who have been through the same or similar loss will help.

This sharing is only to help with the pain and grievance that we go through in life. I had most often talked to people who have had a miscarriage or stillbirth, on and on the family kept asking if I was a motivational speaker or a counselor, both of which I am none , but have gone through what they going through and do indeed understand the pain and grief .

Life is not easy even for the rich, death comes as an end to all of us born or not yet born. Grieving is personal but I encourage people to be open to share with others their difficulties, many times; in sharing you find solutions to your problems.

Bernadette Mary Poku

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