Honest Opinion, Unwavering Support…Character Of True And Loving Friends

To some, it is 'xorlor', to others, 'nyanyo', 'adamfo', 'nzo'; some 'ami (e)' or 'camarade'. The Englishman calls him/her 'friend'- a person with whom one has a bond of mutual affection, typically, one exclusive of sexual or family relations, as per the Oxford English dictionary. This description of who a friend is, though precise and succinct does not capture the entire spirit of friendship. I appreciate the fact that a dictionary cannot give a comprehensive exposition about words, hence, my attempt to give an erudite edification about friendship and who a friend is supposed to be.

Etymologically, the word 'friend' is of Germanic origin, derived from an ancient English word 'frēond'. The word could also mean a familiar or helpful thing, a supporter of a particular cause or organization, or an ally. For the purposes of this piece, I dwell on friend as being 'a person with whom one has a bond of mutual affection, typically, one exclusive of sexual or family relations'. This explanation I believe fits perfectly into our daily travails, interactions and endeavours.

Man's need and desire for association calls for friendship, and the fact that one is not an island emphasizes the need to have a friend. Friends can be good or bad, true or pseudo, forward-looking or retrogressive, just to mention but a few. The law of attraction posits that we almost always attract our own kind – those who mostly share our views, character and behavioural patterns. Take a careful look at yourself, and you'll realize that most of the people you call your friends share virtually all the traits you have. Therefore, you first have to look at who you are and who you're becoming, to know the kind of friends you attract into your world.

I ask the question, 'who is your friend?'! Your friend basically reflects or mirrors you. One grouping of friends that interests me the most is that of true and pseudo friends. Today, the world is full of pseudo or false friends, who turn to be fair-weather friends – the ones who run away or desert you when troubles, problems, difficulties and challenges begin rearing their ugly heads. Pseudo friends pretend to have your interest at heart, they are self-serving, unsupportive and generally parasitic- the exact antithesis of true friends who are supportive, selfless, subscribe to the symbiotic relationship of mutualism and do genuinely have others' interests at heart.

Friendship as we all know, can be a force for good as well as for evil, depending on how it is handled and the composure of the people involved in the relationship. Every relationship has its rules and boundaries, and when those boundaries are crossed, the bond is severed. Friendships have contributed to better lives, great futures, amazing fortunes, improved societies and unbreakable unions on one hand, but on the other hand, have produced marred futures, wrecked societies, dissipated fortunes, irreconcilable differences and broken hopes/aspirations. This therefore echoes the fragility of friendships and the need to nurture and mould them in ways that make them a force for good.

Friends at times, will disappoint you, they will betray you and may as well hung you out to dry. It takes a big heart, a trait of magnanimity and the stubborn patience of forgiveness to weather the storm when it comes. But the fact remains that you are the only one who can allow someone to actually hurt you. This is because the power of response is in your hands. As Booker T. Washington said, “I will permit no man to narrow and degrade my soul by making me hate him”. It is within your domain to refuse to feel the pain of hurt, disappointment and betrayal of friends you hold in high esteem. Equally, friends can promote you, help you, encourage and inspire you, challenge you and ultimately provide a catalytic effect for your breakthrough in life. One must have the humility in all cases to ascribe his/her good tidings to friends who contribute to one's successes and victories. Give credit where credit is due!

What do you do for your friends? Do you help, encourage, inspire, challenge and support them to reach their full potentials? Or you are that kind of person who always look out for things you can get out of the friendship, never thinking of what you can give to make the friendship blossom? Well, it is people who give that receive more. If you want more from friendships, give more. The joy in giving and contributing to the progress of another shall sustain and propel you to higher heights. Therefore, instead of being self-serving, try being selfless and supportive – you'll be surprised at the dividends that shall accrue to you.

I understand there are times that others don't appreciate what you do for them. That shouldn't discourage or deter us from doing good, because the act of being good to another breathes life into your soul and gives you the kind of peace the passes all understanding. A calm serenity that serves as an incubator for creative, ingenious and innovative ideas come upon you when you do good, irrespective of whether or not the recipient of your act of goodness appreciates it or not.

To have true and loving friends can be equated to having platinum, diamond and gold mines. The potentials of these friends are inexhaustible, and their commitment, unwavering. A true friend gives you an honest and constructive criticism of an action or course of action, tells you his take on issues affecting you or the friendship and commits to telling you the truth, no matter how it makes you feel. This takes a lot of courage and that should tell you that true friends never come cheap. One has to really work at it, step by step, moment by moment and groom the friendship to remarkable heights, where the pettiness of small minds cannot separate the bond the exists.

Characteristic of the true and loving friend is that he/she supports you no matter the situation. Usually, challenging, difficult and controversial moments are the ones in which you can tell who these friends really are. It means therefore that as a true and loving friend, you should also support the other party/parties in challenging, difficult and controversial times! As you expect the support, so you must also be willing and ready to give it when required. Mutualism is the keyword here!

I can utter with pride that most of my friends are true and loving ones and they've demonstrated the commitment to support me in difficult and challenging times. They are the giants on whose shoulders I stand to see further. In the same vein, I also try to provide that dependable support for them as well.

If you expect true and loving friends who give you honest opinions and unwavering support, try being one!

Paul Edem Kuenyefu, a Development Enthusiast is an Entrepreneur, Writer and Motivational Speaker. He is the author of 'TO THE ZENITH', a motivational piece.

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