Frequently/Uniquely Asked (Relationship) Questions (II)

Q: I'm a petroleum engineer; I want my first son to study petroleum engineering or Geology but he loves Botany, how can I change his mind?

A: If he loves, enjoys and good at Botany, please let him go ahead and study it. Fulfillment or self-actualisation is so significant in life that we shouldn't deny ourselves or others the right to it. You might be thinking that it doesn't make economic sense to study Botany in our society but the greatness of a man is not premised on the course he studied in college but the course he chose to follow in life. Therefore, let him follow his heart but be there to guide and instruct him.

Q: My husband is an alcoholic, he drinks more than fish; our family doctor had warned him several times to desist from this ignominious lifestyle to no avail how do I stop him from this shameful habit

A: I discovered that in this part of the world counsellors are left to lie 'fallow' because their services are being duplicated by non-professionals: confidantes, friends, relatives, neighbours, colleagues … in circumstances that ideally need their professional skills so they are hardly consulted. But remember that fishermen don't represent their countries in the Olympics though they're good swimmers. The exception to this rule is that the very enlightened and pragmatic people don't downplay the services of counsellors. I believe you belong to this class so convince your husband to go with you to go see a counsellor.

Q: My girlfriend is such a goddess in beauty, very intelligent and a wifely material: great friend, partner and lover but the problem with her is that she's dirty, I reserve the details in fairness to her but her dirty lifestyle pisses me off? I often find it difficult to eat her meals. How do I correct this anomaly?

A: Open and honest communication is so crucial, very essential to the overall success of every relationship. To this end, voice out your fears to her in confidence, in a friendly mood and mode. Above all be there for her, support her through motivation and reinforcement as she works on this major weakness of hers.

Q: I want my wife and I to teach our children our mother tongue by speaking it to them but my wife detest it with passion on the grounds that they teach them in school with English not our mother tongue, please enlighten her!

A: English has the potential to be the 21st century 'holocaust' if we're not careful! In other words, it could extinct our mother tongues in Anglophone Africa. The elites should be the ones championing this cause but ironically they are the ones challenging it. The essence of education is emancipation so it's quite ironic to see the educated trapped helplessly in a self-imposed intellectual gaol. If you're ashamed of what belongs to you then you're ashamed of yourself. Education brings to our conscious awareness, our rights which we must protect and preserve.

Let your wife know that it's ignorance that sells her birthright not knowledge. Learning two or more languages broadens our minds and intellect, it fosters tolerance, expands our frontiers, widens our horizons and increase our opportunities qualitatively and quantitatively. Your children's minds will be sharper, broader, deeper if they're bilingual or multilingual.

Apart from it being an intimidating CV, it will help them socially, linguistically, mentally and psychologically. Mother tongues make people love, identify and reckon with their roots. Above all, prepare your children for the eventful journey ahead so empower, equip them with intellectual weaponry I can assure you they will need it in life.

Author: Olayemi J Ogunojo
Relationship Cum Life Coach,
Ibadan Nigeria.