For Bitter, For Worse!

The Author

The roots of every building is its foundation. Anytime you see a mind-blowing edifice, think of a building that has invested a fortune into its foundation. Without a robust foundation, this investment of a building will only be sitting on a time bomb. In just a matter of months, everything will come crumbling down!

How strong the roots of a building are will tell how well it can withstand the storms of life. When a building has a firm foundation, hurl all the harsh conditions at it. It will still stand the test of time. It will not move. A solid foundation, thus, is a sure security for not only the edifice but those who live therein.

When the foundation is rashly done, time will uncover it. The rains will test it. The strong winds will, too. When the roots of a building are weak, that edifice is only an accident waiting to happen. There’s no need to spend a fortune on a mansion when its foundation is wobbly. You’re only throwing money to the wind!

Every marriage, like a building, has a foundation. Time will test the foundation on which every relationship is built. A relationship that sits on a weak foundation will only get bitter. A knot tied with a weak thread of a foundation will only get worse.

When you see a flourishing piece of marriage, note that it is one with strong roots. When you see a couple whose marriage seems to be the best thing that ever happened to them, know that it all began with investing a fortune into its foundation. Anyone who is serious about having a great marriage knows that the secret is in the foundation― a strong foundation!

Our churches are filled with joy every weekend. Couples beaming with smiles walk down the aisle with so much hope for an everlasting union. Almost everyone is happy for them. They get social media talking with their trendy styles and awe-striking sense of fashion. Unfortunately, most of these smiles don’t last long enough. They leave the altar with a “happily-never-after” package instead of a “happily-ever-after” one.

They wonder if the priest really mentioned “For better, For worse” because all they experience is “For bitter, For worse”. Their spouses don’t only make them bitter. They make them worse than they even entered the matrimony. Their expectations are shattered. They feel shortchanged. To them, great marriages are only a façade because what they are experiencing is nothing short of a nightmare.

You see, there’s no particular rule to have a great marriage. Truth is, what works for others may not even work for you. Like success, you need to find what works peculiarly for you. However, regardless of what path you find, character can never be ignored. I have no idea of the formula for a successful marriage. No matter what that equation may be, however, character can’t ever be overlooked.

Character is the foundation on which every marriage sits― good character. When you trace all the reasons for the overwhelming rates of divorces, most (if not all) comes down to character. Character is integrity. It means honoring your vows. Character is what makes a man treat a woman as he would have had his sister treated. Character means resilience. It means love and respect. Character is tolerance. It is what will make one treat a holy matrimony as holy!

It is such an irony to see a generation that is serious about weddings have an equal measure of seriousness for divorce. Some products on the market today even have a longer shelf life than some marriages. Thanks to people who will spend a fortune building the mansion of their marriage [wedding] yet spend only little on their character; their foundation.

Every flourishing marriage you see out there has an underlying secret of character. A couple can’t live under the same roof if they have not developed, for instance, the character of love and respect for each other regardless of each other’s imperfection. You see, when it has all been said and done, the ties that bind a couple together is not whether their wedding was big or small. Character is the bond that binds them as couple.

When couples-to-be pay attention to everything but character, they are only pre-signing their divorce documents. Character is a foundation. Good character is a strong foundation that can withstand all of life’s pressures. Life will crumble every foundation of good looks or possessions. When heaven and earth have passed away, what will remain is that foundation of character.

Do great marriages still exist in this age? Do we still have honestly faithful spouses? Do we still have submissive married women living on earth? Yes, we do! Yes, there are! And… it always comes down to the foundation of character.

The days of a relationship that sits on a weak foundation are numbered. The center can never hold, no matter what. A marriage built on a foundation of lies will soon be overgrown with weeds of mistrust. A relationship molded on a foundation of pleasing people will soon be another communal labor project because you’d always want to satisfy society even at your dissatisfaction!

When you find a couple whose marriage made them worse, ask what their foundation was. When you find people who have no good testimony about marriage, probe what the foundation of that marriage was. It always comes down to some character which may have been overlooked in the name of love. Character is like skin color. Try much as you can, it can’t be hidden!

Character is what defines a good spouse; not their looks. When you marry a good spouse, he/she brings prayer topics. When you marry a bad one, you’ve gladly found a prayer topic till death does you apart.

A good spouse becomes a prayer partner while a bad one becomes a prayer topic. Trust me, you’d not want to live under the same roof with a prayer topic for the rest of your life. The foundation always is what matters. If you overlook it, you just got signed on to #TeamForBitterForWorse. Cheers!

The writer is a playwright and Chief Scribe of Scribe Communications, an Accra-based writing company (www.scribecommltd.com).