The Key To Healthy Communication In Relationships

Communication is key. This statement has been said to almost everyone at least once in their life. So if communication is key, then, the million dollar question we need to ask ourselves is “where do we find this key”? Sometimes it feels like we have lost that key. All of us who have relationships have struggled with communication. It comes in friendship, family relationships, romantic relationships, and work relationships, to name the main ones. Each of these relationships is in our lives so if we can learn to be better communicators and not only express ourselves effectively but learn to meet others needs and get our needs met as well.

I am very certain with these tips, we can find that key, make a million copies of the communication key and never lose sight of it. We can unlock the door to healthy communication and can witness how lovely it is.

Your partner cannot read your mind.
Relying on mind reading to get your needs fulfilled creates feelings of chronic anger and contempt towards your partner, conditions which will almost lead to the demise of your relationship. To keep your relationship strong and healthy it is up to you to make your needs clearly known. As authors of COUPLE SKILLS, Matthew Mckay, Patrick Fanning and Kim Paleg (referred to as MFP), put it, nobody is in a better position to understand your needs than you are. They write: “You have a right to ask for the things you need in a relationship. In fact, you have a responsibility to yourself and your partner to be clear about your needs. You are the expert on yourself. No one else, not even your partner, can read your mind and know what you need in the way of support, intimate contact, time alone, domestic order, independence, sex, love, financial security and so on.” Stop thinking about how upset you are and communicate it through words.

Talk it up in person.
Like all things in life, there is a right way and a wrong way of communicating something difficult to your partner. The right way is the harder way, but it is also the healthier way. And healthy is the goal. Discussing significant issues should always be done in person. I know it is easy to say things through text, but that is taking the easy and unhealthy way out. If you text it out, there is bound to be miscommunication. Your partner cannot hear the tone of your voice or go off of your body language. You two will find yourself lost in translation. So, leave the big stuffs for face to face conversation.

Speak your truth.
You cannot go around in your relationship walking on eggshells and not being able to say how you honestly feel. It is important to be open and honest when you communicate your feelings to your partner. You need to be open with your heart and your words. Sometimes honesty is hard to hear but it is a necessity for a healthy relationship. It can be speaking up in the bedroom what your needs are. –Honesty is the best policy.

Active listening
Active listening isn’t about knowing the right thing to say. It’s about having the mindfulness and humility to sit with discomfort and acknowledge that you don’t have the answers. It is about being fulfilled, present and reflective in how you listen to your partner. This type of listening requires eye contact, repeating back what you heard and your attention. So, looking at your phone while your partner is talking to you is not active listening.

I statements
Using I statements means someone is taking full responsibility for their thoughts, feelings or actions. Simply switching your comments from ones that start with ‘you’ to ones that begin with ‘I’ can ultimately make a difficult conversation more effective. So instead of saying, “you never help me around the house”, you would say, “I feel upset when you don’t help me around the house”. Instead of blaming, you very clearly emphasize your thoughts and feelings. It also sounds less accusatory and more approachable.

Notice body language
Body language makes up a huge part of daily communication. From our facial expressions to our body movements, the things we don’t say can still convey volumes of information. It has been suggested that body language may account for between 50 percent to 70 percent of all communication. You must, therefore, be aware that your body is also saying something when you are communicating. It could just be a little eye roll or your arms crossed, but the body is saying it all. Make sure your body matches with your words.

Communicate through actions
“I love you” means nothing to your partner if it isn’t backed up with your actions. It is, therefore, crucial to know that you don’t just communicate through your words- you also show how you feel through your actions. You know what they say, action speaks louder than words. You need to communicate your love to your partner through other ways than just by speaking. Show your lover that you care. Words can be meaningless if they are not met with proof.

Elijah Adjei Boakye
Telephone: 0245200795
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