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24.01.2018 Feature Article

Denials: Are They Born Out Of Religious Or Cultural (Societal) Belief?

The AuthorThe Author
24.01.2018 LISTEN

Right from infancy, I have experienced what has been a common practice in every environment that I have found myself. The experiences I am making reference to occur at home, in church, in marriages, in friendships, at work place, in school and so forth. At church, believers are asked how they are doing and the response is always, “we are doing well” when in fact they are not doing well.

Meanwhile, the church is supposed to be a place where members who are spiritually, psychologically and physically ill are offered help. In marriages, husbands and wives clothe their true feeling to make their partners happy. At the work place, subordinates hide their condition from their superiors or supervisors just for acceptance.

At the opposite end is a practice where people who are endowed with resources or certain qualities deny their existence when they are mentioned or praised for that. What I am referring to is denial. We all deny our true identity, feelings or conditions at critical moments. We may assign several reasons for which people do that. But the question is, at what cost do people do that to themselves and our society? And again, is this behavior which bears resemblance with lies born out of religious or cultural belief?

Truly, there are several reasons why people behave that way in our society but everything hinges on their quest to be seen as being humble or moderate. Our society accepts people who are humble and moderate, and frowns upon people who are deemed to be proud or exalt themselves. Consequently, everyone seeks to live within this norm of society so as to be accepted.

There are several Bible texts that talk about being humble or moderate but it does not prevent Christians or people who worship God from expressing themselves truly— whether they are happy or not. I am of the opinion that the concept of moderation and humility taught by the Bible has been abused in the churches to the detriment of believers. As a result of the abuse of some religious beliefs, we have built a congregation of believers who are inexpressive of their true condition during congregational meetings but rather dying within.

We must not forget the fact that the Bible that asks us to be moderate or humble also asks us to praise Him, God. How do we then praise God in an honest manner when we fail to profess in public the blessings that the Lord has bestowed on us? How do we strengthen others when we fail to profess publicly the blessings bestowed on us for them to know how good the Lord is? How can the poor be helped when they deny in public their condition or the state they find themselves when in fact the Lord asks us to help the poor?

Yes, it is true that whatever occurs happens for the good of the believer; however it should not prevent believers from expressing their true identities when it matters most. One should not always answer to the question of how one is feeling with the response “I am doing well” when in fact one is indisposed, hungry, or suffering in one way or the other. This kind of denial may amount to lies and not an expression of faith in the Lord.

Another leg of the problem in issue is society’s standard regarding the acceptable way of life, especially in our part of the world. Our society expects the rich and the endowed to be moderate in the way they go about life. It’s easier for people in our society to attribute people’s riches to either stealing or ‘juju’ without any reasonable basis in most of the cases. Consequently, people try to either remain silent or deny what they have when it is mentioned or they are praised for what they have achieved. We have therefore become a society of denials for the purposes of acceptance.

Superstition has also played a major role in the kind of society that we find ourselves. A situation where success or penury is seen with superstitious eyes; it is not surprising that such denials are always rampant in our lives. There are several beliefs of how even dwarfs have a way of stealing our money when we show off what we have. Consequently, the majority of the people are always guided and influenced by such beliefs. The sad aspect is that some of these practices follow us to our churches.

The sad part of this practice is the effect on our development as a people and a nation. Research has shown that children learn a lot by observing what they see in the environment in which they find themselves. Children thus learn at the early stage from either their parents or people around them that such denials bear resemblance with lies. As the common cliché goes ‘The Child is Father of the man.’ That is children grow with the behaviours that they learnt right from childhood. This manifests itself wherever they find themselves. Such denials are exhibited in their future marriages, relationships and all aspects of their dealings with humanity.

Another effect of this practice is the nurture of timidity in the fabric of the society. When belief systems and practices do not allow people to express themselves right from infancy, they will grow to become timid. This is manifested in all fabric of society. We fail to express ourselves when our rights are being trampled upon. Some children find it difficult to tell their teachers that they don’t understand what is being taught when they are asked whether they are understand what is being taught. Subordinates fail to tell their superiors that the path that is being charted is twisted as they seek to gain acceptance. Such practices portray us as not being honest.

It is high time we charted a new path as such denials have had and will continue to have negative repercussions on our growth and development as a people. When we in honesty and frankness express ourselves in a polite and a brotherly manner, we build confidence and trust thereby fostering unity and strength. Our society also stands the chance of growing young men and women with the right attitude, fortitude and confidence to lead and provide the enabling environment for growth.

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