A Message To My Wife To Be: Wedding Is Not My Thing

Dear Abena,
I am writing in response to the discussion you had with one of your friends whose identity will remain a furtive until we come to a consensus on this matter. Your friend sent me a snapshot of ‘your’ wedding plans and when I saw the itemized plans I was wondering whether I was the same man you planned marrying. Don’t get upset please, I am not saying you are seeing someone on my blind-side, I am only making a confession to you.

The snapshot included a Guest Preacher from the United State- what then happened to our spiritual father? Is the guest preacher coming by flight or appearing by fire? I also saw a list of your friends from your crèche through to your university colleagues and other 1000 guests you are inviting without my knowledge- I asked myself if this is just an outdooring of a woman, what then happens if I impregnate you? I saw a 24 Karat Gold ring from Losselliani, in Rome- What is this thing you have come up with when I just told you about my plans for you to further your education and even showed you my bank account and my salary statement. We don’t even have a driving license yet, yet you have already placed for rental of limousines, Bentley and Mayback from the garage- please who will the car carry?

Is it a presidential tour or a marriage ceremony? You also had 20 maid of honors with a purple eye- lashes to match their heels- the question is: are they escorting a goddess or a friend? I won’t talk about the Mongolian hair you ordered from Dubai or ‘your’ honey moon night in Radisson Blu Hotel Kigali.

Abena, don’t be angry at my reaction through this missive, when I screamed at the sight of the list, your friend exclaimed: oooooh Shaker‘Please allow her, it is her day’. I said to her, it is my money. Not to ‘angry you’ as an Indian man said in the hilarious video I sent you. But honey let’s get serious about this marriage thing. Marriage is not a small medium scale enterprise, it’s a whole organization, meaning the organisms(you and I) must work to keep the marriage working. But if we are starting a wedding with this huge list when you know very well that even the items on the list your parent gave me have not be exhausted yet, then wedding is not my thing.

I don’t want to take you home for the banks to come after my home. Why? I borrowed money for a wedding and couldn’t sustain the marriage because of debt. I hope you still remember the story of the young man who borrowed money to marry and just after four days the marriage collapse. I don’t want us to be victims, please let’s learn from those who have gone head of us. Would you rather chose to be happy and ‘homeful’ after marriage or homeless after we have spent lavishly to please people who won’t even drop an offering in church to support our union? Well If the latter is your choice then wedding is not my thing.

I have told you time and again, that many marriages are collapsing because of financial issues, we cannot feed the whole world on our wedding day, why then should we budget food for 3000 people, what is the total congregation of the church we are even in? Sweetheart please should we feed everybody and go hungry after the marriage or feed some and save some so we can be safe?Well if you still insist on feeding your squad then wedding is not my thing.

I am sorry I have to end here, I can already feel the rage in your next reply but I have to address this because the year is ending with glimpse of wedding pics flooding social media platforms coupled with voracious pressure from friends and foes as to why my invitation cards have not crossed their desks. I know you may not be happy but please the union we are venturing into is called marriage so let’s manage.

It’s your love, Kojo
R. Duafah