Between Circle “K” and Oakland

It's amazing how it's WHAT people say, or write, rather than anything else about their person, that we remember most when we think about those who are no more.

I remember, for instance, that one of the most remarkable statements I ever heard being made was from the lips of a journalist whose output was not particularly brilliant. It happened like this: when the Ghana Government was negotiating with Kaiser Aluminium Company of the USA on the agreement under which VALCO was to be established to buy some of the power to be generated from the Akosombo Dam, Kaiser invited some Ghanaian journalists to go to see some of Kaiser's US operations.

The need for the journalists to see Kaiser's work at first hand had become imperative because at the time, Ghana was in a state of political schizophrenia and needed a dose of psychiatric help. Kaiser offered to be the dctor!!

Political schizophrenia? Yes. Ghana was led by Dr Kwame Nkrumah, who had received his University education in the home of capitalism – the USA – but had -- paradoxicaly -- returned home a socialist. However, the majority of the members of his Cabinet, as well as his senior civil servants, were capitalist-minded, having been educated by the British, either here at home, or in British Universities, and become so Anglophile that a British writer, Richard West, once described Ghanaian administrators as “The Last Englishmen!”

Not many of the journalists Nkrumah employed at the “party press” had been to University, and so, quite a few could be trusted to relay his political message to the people of Ghana wholesale, without much independent analysis. But the socialist message they preached was meant for a people highly steeped in capitalism, albeit at its elementary stages.

Throw into the mix, the modifications Nkrumah was making to his own political philosophy and you have schizophrenia writ large. He espoused a socialism that sought to distance itself, willy-nilly, from the “scientific socialism” practised by the “Socialist Countries of Eastern Europe and China. He aso dabbled in a concept based on ''he African personality'', which he loosely tried to morph into a philosophy called “Consciencism”!

A few people grew grey hairs trying to reconcile the competing ideologies of the time. As a result of so many diverse opinions being expressed by people who tried to interpret what was going on – or trying to go on – we had an administration that sometimes couldn't tell its left hand from its right hand.

Fr example: a Cabinet Minister, Krobo Edusei, was quoted as rendering the meaning of socialism in his language, Twi, as di bi na menni bi! (chop some and let me too chop some). This was largely taken to mean that the proceeds of corruption should be shared equally between the “big men” of the party and the small men, and not be cornered by just a few individuals!

But not only people like Krobo Edusei were confused. I was good friends with Eric Heymann, editor of the EveningNews,and often, he'd mutter to me at the Accra Press Club, (after he had come back from an ideological huddle with “The Old Man” at the Flagstaff House – then, as now, the seat of government): “Comrade, the line is not straight!”

Well, the Kaiser CEO, Edgar Kaiser, in consultation with the US State Department, decided to take a hand in trying to “straighten” the “line” before he put his considerable financial weight behind the Volta River Project. So he got Nkrumah to agree to a tour of Kaiser plants in the US by some of the leading journalists who manned Nkrumah's party press. Among them was T D Baffoe, editor of The Ghanaian Times.

Now, Baffoe was an interesting guy – a walking example of intellectual schizophrenia if ever there was one. In private, he was a fun-loving guy with a wicked sense of humour and a preference for the more wistful songs of Dusty Springfield. His laughter often rang louder than anyone else's at the Press Club. But because The Ghanaian Times was the vehicle that Nkrumah mostly used to attack those in his party who did not tow the line, Baffoe acquired a sense of self-importance that was ill-suited to his natural tendency to be the clown in the crowd. His column, “Adanko digs to find out”, was one of the most feared at the time for it gave vivid accounts of ministerial extra-marital affairs, as well as of ministerial corruption. He once described a Minister as a "Tshombe-faced nincompoop!"

I think the US impressed TD greatly – helped no doubt by Kaiser's hospitality. Indeed, when he came back, he could hardly say anything without peppering it with an imitation of American slang and quoting American witticisms he had absorbed. One of these, whose context I never quite found out, was this: “Between Circle K and Oakland – a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do!” Did this allude to an occasion when he had had to stop by the roadside and have a pee -- or what?

Then there was this from Baffoe: “If they give you hell, yougive them hell!” He would cackle loudly whenever he said this. I never got to know whether it was advice that Edgar Kaiser had given him regarding how he should react to criticisms from the US embassy in Ghana, or what.

Well, whether the sentiment was passed on to TD by Edgar Kaiser or not, I feel like giving “hell” back to certain people who have been making my life an imitation of hell in the past few weeks. They are the employees of – MTN and Vodafone.

I'll start with Vodafone. I connected to their service by a device called “VODAFONE MOBILE WI-FI R205”. I inherited it so I don't know whether it's outmoded, or has been superseded by a more powerful one or whatever.

The thing is, it makes my money melt like shea butter that's been placed near a hot stove!

I don't do much browsing when I am travelling – I just stream a but of radio news and browse the websites of a few overseas newspapers, and one Ghana news portal. Yet I calculate that I paid more for this service in one month than I pay for a whole month of 24/7, very fast, unlimitedservice in the UK. Why?

The worst part of it is that the device doesn't warn you that you're about to run out of credit. It just cuts you off! And you then read from your browser that “YOU'RE NOT CONNECTED!” or “THERE IS NO INTERNET CONNECTION”.

What?
Why?
I moved to MTN from Vodafone because someone I thought knew about these things said they were “better”. But they too have been cutting me off without warning and for reasons I don't understand. Apparently they have (1) a data service (2) an internet bundle and a mixture of the two with “talk” whose name I'd never heard before anywhere else, called something-mash! How did they come by these confusing packages?

Then they have different rates for one day, one week, and one month. If you know the difference between the rates, fine. But if like me you don't know what's what and think that just buying what you consider to be enough ”credit” would give you reasonable service, you are out for a shock.

I am sick to the stomach of the companies' machinations. Obviously, they create so many different packages to suit different pockets, but in doing so, they confuse people who don't know which of the different packages to choose from. My first MTN purchase – at which time I knew absolutely nothing about the different packages – was sold to me as a “standard” package, although I had emphasised to the salesgirl that I would be using the service mostly on internet connections. My email was consequently cut off at a very awkward moment, although I had plenty of unused credit on my “talk” account!

I feel really depressed when I see how these companies cheat developing countries. If this were done in the UK, OFCOM would descend on the companies with a ton of bricks. How can you differentiate beween "data" and "Internet bunde"? Is it necessary? But over here, the companies know that the Government doesn't care two hoots about what they do. So long as they don't offend the Government itself, they're OK. The populace can go hang.

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