Crystal Gazing Begins for Ministers in Cameroon

Since the end of the Legislative and municipal elections in September 2013, Cameroon ministers and other office holders have been anxious about their fate in the upcoming government. This anxiety has led many of them to consult crystal gazers, soothsayers and other clairvoyance practitioners all over the country.

Most office holders in Cameroon are excited to be maintained in their offices till thy kingdom comes, at best promoted to higher offices. Some had performed rituals so that the offices they occupy become their second nature and nobody should come close to them or think of removing them from there. They visit witchdoctors and prophets to enable them keep their posts of responsibility.

Looking at their checkered and mitigated performances scientifically diagnosed and convincingly presented by Biya on 31 January 2013, most of these ministers and government officials have failed the Cameroonian people and the one person who appointed them. Most deserve to be sent parking to the village and others prepare to take residence in the many ministerial prisons now mushrooming in the country.

Since the state of the Nation address from Biya, most of these government boys and girls are convinced that only some miracle will keep them in their offices. To miracle performers, most of them have been trooping for the last months and are getting angry that Biya is beating them once more to the game of unpredictability.

What do they really want from these witch doctors? From some predictions on the less serious tabloids on the Cameroon stands, it emerged that there had to be a cabinet reshuffle before the presentation of New Year wishes to Biya. These wishes were presented over a fortnight back and no appointments yet. The witchdoctors have also ventured to assure clients of necromancy that the government next day will carry their names. Because some of the prophets prophesy that in a matter of days, the callers will be sitting in their offices. As the prophecies are time-bound, the anxious have to go back often to be reassured.

Catherine Bakang Mbock was seen on the beaches of Kribi in October and she has maintained the ordeal every other month in hopes the mermaid spirit will keep her sacrifices to the marine gods alive. Some ministers have been to the Kupe Muanenguba a dozen times since the elections to to cast their wishes into the twin lakes. Unfortunately, my own guru Akang passed and the traffic going up to Deck has reduced. From the Rosicrucian and Freemason lodges to the Calabar shrines, a couple of mantra chanters have paid regular trips so as to be remembered. The Baka pygmy traditional fetish makers have received many callers. Special Abracadaba mullahs on the banks of Lake Tchad had received from Cavaye Yeguie Jibril to Bakary Tchiroma, all chirping crickets of Sallam malekum.

All these occult trips frighten Cameroonians about the occultists running their country. Some convincingly submit that these sixty-something occult ministers have cast a spell on Cameroonians and have sent them into deep slumber and they have become callous about their country.

Were these necromancers realists, they would have realized the person they are toying with is himself highly graded in occult circles. Once upon a time, Titus Edzoa and his friends believed they were the Alpha and Omegas of Cameroon. Biya is waxing on and crawling towards his endgame without interruption from the lodges. After all each member has a personalized account tied to their karma. Karmic patterns are independent and collegiality is an expectation from the spiritually naïve.

What Cameroonians need is adherence to the vision for emergence in general terms and particularly to satisfy their basic bread and butter needs. Respect the job description given you by Biya and avoid looking at his throne and you would be there for as long as he does not notice you or suspect you of serious pilfering. Steal just some bit to bribe in an election and you would survive to the next election.

The crystals are becoming blurred and the light is out in many horizons. The future is very bleak even for the torchbearer. Count your millions from the anxious appointees. Sleep!

Fon Christopher Achobang
Social Commentator, Human rights activist
Mbengwi County
The Cameroons