VIRGIN POWER, VIRGIN PRIDE…!

A 'virgin' is traditionally seen as someone who has never had sexual intercourse before whether male or female in sexually active age. However, people have different ideas about what 'losing your virginity' means. For some, it's having heterosexual sex for the first time. For others, it can mean having any sort of sex including gay or lesbian sex for the first time. Whether you think these things 'count' or not, don't forget that all of them can transmit sexually transmitted diseases (STDs). And whatever you think 'being a virgin' means, remember that the most important thing is making sure you're ready before you do anything sexual, whether it's the first time or not. There's nothing wrong with being a virgin and you shouldn't feel like you have to go further than you are comfortable with because of peer pressure. It's usually better to have enough of a trusting relationship to chat openly about your experiences than to rush in having sexual intercourse. It is quite important to be honest with your partner because small lies build up to another and before you realise you would have become a chronic liar that cannot be trusted. There's nothing embarrassing about telling your partner that you haven't been with anyone else. If you're close enough to someone to be thinking about having sex, you should be close enough to be able to talk honestly to him or her. You deserve not to be judged. If anyone makes you feel bad for things that have happened in your life, they're probably not good enough to give you time to be yourself.

There is no definite way of knowing if a girl is a virgin or not as a lack of bleeding is not proof enough. First-time sex can hurt and some girls or young women do bleed a little bit. The bleeding usually occurs because the girl has a hymen which breaks the first time she has sexual intercourse. The hymen is a small piece of thin skin which goes across the opening of the vagina and protects it when she is young. It has some gaps in it where the blood can come out when she has her period. Sometimes a girl might already have broken her hymen without knowing about it. For example, this can happen as a result of playing sports or horse riding. Sex the first time shouldn't hurt for a boy, but he can make it easier for his partner by being gentle and taking it slowly in trying to make it special for both.

Virginity in times past was seen to be a badge of honor. Nowadays, many youths view it as a cause of shame and embarrassment, an abnormal condition, a malady to be “cured” as soon as possible. Not surprisingly, youths are giving up their virginity in record numbers. For example, a 1983 survey of German youths revealed that only 9 percent of 15-year-old girls and 4 percent of 15-year-old boys had experienced sexual relations. By 1989 the numbers had risen to 25 percent and 20 percent respectively! Similar trends have been noted all over the world.

It is very difficult to establish whether there is anything that has given virginity a bad name among youths of this present emerging generation. Youths of all generations have had to deal with the strong feelings like been aroused during puberty. Today's youths, however, grow up in a world that gives them little or no moral guidance. In one European land, a group of Christian elders report: “In spite of a religious veneer, this is essentially an amoral country. Immoral sex is tolerated as a 'human weakness.' Children are raised in families where the parents are not married. Sex-oriented advertising is worse here than in any other country in the Western world.” Youths in developing lands are likewise exposed to powerful cultural and economic forces that encourage promiscuity. 'If a young man doesn't have sex,' youths in one African land are warned, 'then his body will be weakened.' Equally common is the belief that 'a girl does not know life until she has had sex with a boy.'

Furthermore, because of widespread unemployment and poverty, a girl may be afraid to turn down a prospective employer's demand that she have relations with him. Teachers may likewise demand sex as payment for a passing grade in school. It is not unusual for poor girls to offer sex in exchange for basic necessities such as for a bar of soap. “Having sex is considered much like having a drink or a meal,” report observers in one developing community.

Particularly influential, though, is the pressure from peers. A youth who is still a virgin is likely to be the victim of unrelenting teasing and harassment. And if you are one of those with both dignity and virginity waiting for the right moment, you may particularly be singled out in this regard. Your peers may tell you that you are not a real man or woman unless you have had relations. They may argue that it is a good idea to get “experience” before marriage. Or they may try to fill your ear with stories of illicit sexual escapades.

Your friends would go on and on about how great sex was with their boyfriend. They may also make you think that you are missing out on one of life's great pleasures. If you fail to realise that there is a lot of bragging, exaggerating and lying about sexual experience among teens then you will be swayed like many youths by such stories. In 'Coping With Teenage Depression' by Kathleen McCoy, one young woman named Maria (not her real name) who gave up her virginity in immoral sex recalls: “I felt pressured, and I wanted so much to be accepted. Even though I knew it was wrong, I wanted to be like everyone else and that is to have a boyfriend. Millions of youths have similarly swallowed the world's propaganda and come to believe that virginity is abnormal whilst also believing that premarital sex is little more than harmless fun. Virgins have thus almost become an endangered species among youths. Nevertheless, there is a side to premarital sex that your peers may not talk about. Maria recalls: “Afterwards I felt embarrassed and ashamed. I hated myself and I hated my boyfriend.” Such experiences are far more typical than most youths admit. Forget the tall tales and exaggerations you may hear from your peers. In reality premarital sex is often an emotionally painful and humiliating experience with devastating consequences Maria lamented.

In this age of AIDS, promiscuous sex is unquestionably dangerous. Yet, many youths seem to view sex as little more than a harmless game. Some youths in the western world, for example, blithely speak of “hooking up” as harmless which is sounding euphemism for casual sex. They talk about having “a friend with benefits” and that is a sexual partner who makes no emotional demands. The pressure on young ones to commit immorality is tremendous. One 22-year-old virgin lamented: “These days if you haven't had sex by the time you're 18, you might as well join a convent. All my girl-friends have been having sex since high school. They used to make so much fun of me that in self-defense I invented stories about my 'escapades.'” Males perhaps face even greater peer pressure to commit immorality, since generally more young men engage in fornication than do young women. A French magazine, for example, observed that while 28 percent of 15-year-old French girls are no longer virgins, 54 percent of 15-year-old boys have experienced sex relations. Sadly, reports have been received showing that many youths' with good religious standing have also succumbed to the pressures of a sex-oriented world, just as the 24,000 Israelites of old fell victim to temptations from the immoral Moabites and Midianites. Surely this is a snare that Satan is still using to entrap God's servants as youths we need to realise this sooner or later.

Nowhere does the Bible urge youths to view their virginity as a curse. As far as God is concerned, virginity in a young man or woman is not only normal but clean and holy! In ancient Israel, virgin girls enjoyed an honorable status. They were protected by the Law from sexual exploitation. Virginity has continued to be honored among true Christians today. The Christian congregation itself is likened to “a chaste virgin” because of its moral purity. For a Christian youth, virginity is not a badge of shame but a testimony to one's integrity to God. Granted, it is not easy to stay chaste; considerable self-control is required. But the Bible assures us that God's “commandments are not burdensome.” (1 John 5:3) The psalmist assures us: “The orders from God are upright, causing the heart to rejoice; the commandment of our Lord is clean, making the eyes shine. This should not surprise you. For a while now, the world may very well view premarital sex as healthy and normal but this does not make it right in the eyes of God. Jesus Christ reminds us that “what is lofty among men is a disgusting thing in God's sight.” (Luke 16:15) God has his own standards of acceptable behavior. In recent years, pledges of virginity or abstinence, such as “No sex until marriage,” have become popular among youths. These pledges reflect commendable goals and are in harmony with Bible commands. However, their effectiveness is debatable. According to one survey, about 60 percent of teens broke their pledge within a year. In addition, there is concern over just how some youths define “abstinence” and “virginity.” Charlene C. Giannetti and Margaret Sagarese wrote in their book Boy Crazy!: “The rise of oral sex, even anal sex, has been linked by experts to kids wanting to stay 'technically' virgins. They decide anything that's not intercourse isn't sex.”

For those that might have lost their virginity before marriage, it is not too let to return some dignity and integrity. Popular folklore that someone who has not had sexual encounter will be weak or impotent (physically harmful), has no empirical evidence. It is indulging that carries physical risks! A prominent physician says: “Sexually transmitted diseases will continue to increase in incidence unless effective control strategies can be applied, and the recent increase in incidence has been due, in part, to increased levels of sexual activity among young people.” Promiscuous behavior among youths has also given rise to an epidemic of teen pregnancies. In the western world, half of these pregnancies are terminated by spontaneous and induced abortions. There is also an aspect of emotional devastation that immoral sex can wreak. There is also strong empirical evidence that women who have had few sexual partners in their lives are less likely to suffer from cervical cancer whilst social science observers indicate that women with few sexual partners in their lives are less likely to make unfaithful partner hence it is all about your dignity and integrity. Liberation from stricter sexual attitudes does not necessarily lead to freedom, or if so, only at the expense of other freedoms.

We have seen the average age for teenagers engaging in sexual activity grow younger and younger. It is no longer unusual to find boys and girls starting out as young as 12 years of age. Nonetheless, with your first sex experience, you are no longer a virgin. You can choose only once… Make the right choice! Do not be conned by the world's propaganda into thinking that something is wrong with you if you hold to Bible standards. Virginity is not strange or abnormal. It is immoral sex that is degrading, humiliating, and harmful. By retaining your virginity, you protect your health, your emotional well-being, and most important of all, your relationship with God. Fornication or premarital sex,' harms and encroaches upon the rights' of others. At the very least, it deprives another of the right to enter marriage in a clean moral state. A future marriage mate is also deprived of his or her right to have a virgin marriage partner. Where has the trend of hard to get gone? We are now moving to an HIV/AIDS free generation that is now campaigning for a reduction in infection rate. As youths we can still revive the 'VIRGIN POWER, VIRGIN PRIDE' in our primary and secondary schools. The orgy-like parties that some suburban youths throw on Christmas or whilst our parents are at work or are away should not make us fall into the temptation of failing to control our sexual feelings. We are actually better than what we are doing now to stop the spread of STDs like HIV.

JONES H. MUNANG'ANDU (author)

Motivational speaker, health commentator &
Health practitioner
Email; [email protected]
Skype id; jones muna

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