The Pimping Mis-Educated NDC Prophet

Normally, I would print these lame-brained "prophetic" pieces of news articles, read them when I am bored and fatigued for comic relief, and then chuck them into the waste-paper basket or shredder for good measure. Well, on this occasion, I printed out a "prophetic" piece entitled "Nana Addo And His Family Must Be Exorcised - Prophet" (Peacefmonline.com/Ghanaweb.com 4/30/13).

I can unreservedly attest that he may well be a "prophet" all right; but he highly likely is not the kind of ascetic, self-sacrificing, godly-minded and God-centered prophet that we learned and read about in Sunday School, and then in elementary and secondary school - namely, Deborah, Nathan, Elijah, Hosea, Isaiah, Samuel... you know the rest, dear reader.

Actually, the name of Prophet Emmanuel Kankam Kwaku Attah Kakrah sounds like baubles, or cheap and garish beads, on a string around the oversized waist of a street-walker - you know who and what I mean. The kind of woman who would turn an intricate and memorable trick at the plunking down of twenty-five pesewas. He is a veritable "Prophet of Envy and Poverty," this Attah Kakrah prophetic con-artist.

We also learn about this type of professional scammer in the Great Black Book. If, indeed, there is any adult Ghanaian alive who really believes that the AFRC, PNDC and now the NDC "are mandated to lead Ghana to the Promised Land," then I am poised to selling you, dear reader, the George W. Bush Highway for just Ten Cedis. Believe me, I once dined and wined with the Bushes at the White House and slept in the famous Lincoln Bedroom.

That's how I got the JUNIOR BEE (or GW) to sign off his last savings account for the construction of the highway that presently bears his name in Accra. And had the Asantehene - my own cousin Kwaku Duah - comported himself with imperial showmanship, no doubt, we would now be talking about the Barack Obama Highway spanning the entire marathon stretch from Santasi Roundabout to Kejetia, through the Manhyia Palace Quadrangle to Asokwa and Buokrom!

You see, anybody who believes that the Akufo-Addo and/or the Ofori-Atta Family ripped off any far less privileged group of Ghanaian citizens, in much the same way that Chairman Rawlings of the so-called National Democratic Congress and his henchmen and women succeeded in ripping off the proverbial average Ghanaian, in order to become the multi-millionaires that they are today, must be living in a fool's paradise. And it goes without saying that Prophet Emmanual Kankam Kwaku Attah Kakrah is the biggest dupe living in the Fool's Paradise carved out for him by his unconscionable paymasters and operatives of the NDC.

And were he not such a cretin, he would have since long ago admonished Messrs. Rawlings, Atta-Mills, Arkaah and Mahama to go back to their home-villages and redistribute among their denizens the country's stolen wealth, and then liberate their grossly malnourished kinsfolk and clansfolk from the Stygian clutches of poverty before setting his cataracted sight on Nana Akufo-Addo and his clansfolk and kinsmen and women.

One thing, for me, is incontrovertibly clear - I am darn too lucky and happy to be living far and comfortably away from "prophetic" buffoons and agent-provocateurs like Prophet Emmanuel Kankam Kwaku Atta Kakrah, "leader of the Christ Jesus of Nazareth For All Freedom Fighters." What blasphemy! And just who are these "freedom fighters" that "Prophet" Kwaku Atta Kakrah presumes to be "shepherding"? Messrs. Mahama and Afari-Gyan, of course!

*Kwame Okoampa-Ahoofe, Jr., Ph.D.
Department of English
Nassau Community College of SUNY
Garden City, New York
E-mail: [email protected]