Kofi Django's Hunch And Koku's Tomfoolery!

Koku Anyidoho

There is no denying the fact that my good friend Kofi Django is addicted to the bottle. That he is also a chain smoker is not in doubt. But I have, over time, come to realize that his is a hunch which rarely fails him. Even if Kofi Django is drenched in the local brandy which ends with the 'shie' syllable, never doubt his hunch because it is sure to come to pass.

I happened to be with Kofi Django and a few friends in his house on the fateful Friday that has come to be known as the 'Black Friday'. Kofi Django had predicted a cricket scoreline for the Black Stars just before the kick-off. When pushed to give the exact score, he confidently told us the Black Stars was going to spell Lesotho. 

Although we were all sure of victory, none of us believed the Black Stars could win by such a wide margin; so we all laughed it off. Even at half-time when Asomdwekromanians were leading by a three-goal margin, we still doubted Kofi Django's prediction.

Just before the beginning of the second half, Kofi Django, with a bottle of his favourite mahogany bitters in hand, went outside and started celebrating. Soon after, the Black Stars scored the fourth goal. And before we could finish celebrating, the flood lights at the stadium had failed to illuminate the pitch, leading to a hold up.

Just like all true Asomdwekromanians, we waited with bated breath hoping and praying for the fault to be rectified so the match could continue. Seconds turned into minutes; and minutes soon turned into an hour. Our hopes then turned into desperation; and desperation into anger.

Kofi Django was the odd one out. He seemed oblivious of what was going on. He continued gulping his mahogany bitters as he inundated our ears with his discordant tunes. He was obviously very drunk. Even in this drunken state, his blurred speech could tell one that he still believed in his hunch.

Listen to him: 'You people think I do not know what I'm saying. I might be a little tipsy, but I know what I know. Asomdwekrom will win the match by 7-0. Believe me, the flood lights will soon glow.'

As if by some divine arrangement, the lights illuminated the field immediately he finished speaking. And true to his words, the Black Stars won the match by 7-0.

Immediately the referee blew the final whistle, we all rushed out and carried Kofi Django shoulder high. Some later joined him to consume the mahogany bitters, while we the teetotalers popped a non-alcoholic champagne. 

It was in the midst of the celebration that our attention was drawn to the fact that Koku Anyidoho had announced on radio during the  flood lights failure that Agya Ofuntuo had fired the Ashanti Regional Director of the Electricity Company of Asomdwekrom (ECA).

Still in his drunken state, Kofi Django confidently rebutted the story with the claim that the President had done no such thing. He said Koku was only trying to show people his 'krakye' powers because he was a megalomaniac. He refuted Koku's directive in his terse speech and promised that the truth would be out sooner than later. We once again brushed off his prediction, continued our celebration till deep in the night before parting ways to our various homes.

True to Kofi Django's words, there was a press release from the Ministry of Information the following morning stating that the President had given no such directive and it was therefore not true that the ECG boss in the Ashanti Region had been fired. Koku himself later came on air to confirm that no such order was ever made by the President. He even said he was ready to bear the consequences of the mess he had created.

That is very honourable of him, if you ask me. But some of my compatriots say that is not enough. They say the gaffe is unpardonable given the gravity of the embarrassment to the President and the presidency as a whole.

But I would not waste my breath on that. I doubt if the President would even see Koku's gaffe as an embarrassment. I say so knowing very well that the President sees no evil, hears no evil and speaks no evil whenever members of his government go wrong. I doubt if Koku's latest blunder would be any different.

By the way, do you know that there is no such position as Ashanti Regional Director of ECG? We only have the Ashanti East Regional Director and the Ashanti West Regional Director? Who then did Koku fire? Is it the former, or the latter?

Koku's explanation that he was with some senior persons and the decision was taken in the heat of the moment has also raised many eyebrows. It has made many of my compatriots to wonder if Agya Ofuntuo is indeed in control of affairs. They say if Agya Ofuntuo was the one in charge, no senior or ordinary citizen would dare take any decision for him. A very reasonable argument, don't you think?

Abusuapanin, the President's spokesperson is what we call 'okyeame' in the Akan language. A good okyeame is supposed to be patient, well-mannered and above all very circumspect in his speech. From his actions since becoming the President's okyeame, do you reckon Koku has the above mentioned qualities? I leave you to make your own judgment.

While you are at it, please be reminded that Kofi Django has promised to tell me the untold stories on the 'woyomization' of the state and the cocaine-turned soda saga. I therefore entreat you to stay tuned. So long!