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24.05.2008 Feature Article

How healthy are marital fights?

How healthy are marital fights?
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Too much self help is misleading spouses but is it true that marital fights are good for marriages?

A woman wrote to a marriage counsellor raising concerns over lack of conflicts in their marriage. Many people experience confusion when every body around them respect marital wars.

TV shows, self-help talk shows, magazines and conversation suggests that lovers must keep on fighting now and then. If they do not fight the love is doubted. It supposedly means that spouses should argue.

The pressure on this woman to argue was all over her that one day she started an argument and the funny thing is, the couple ended up laughing. Some people live in so much harmony that marital fights can never be a part of them.

The perspective about healthy relationships is changing with abundant self-help advice released by the media. One finds herself being compassionate to her spouse only to wonder if she is actually being co-dependent.

It is completely understandable how watching a talk show or reading an article in a magazine can leave you wondering whether your peaceful relationship falls short. You should position yourself as your relationship expert and do not let myths about marital fights confuse you.

With your common sense and intuition you will lead your marriage to a paradise where marital fights are and will never be known. Do not let other "experts" in the media, co-workers, relatives or well intentioned friends to make you believe that a well enjoyed aspect in your marriage is actually a negative aspect.

My perspective is a never fighting couple must be having disagreements but fortunately they do not result into major marital fights. They are lucky to possess the ability to establish productive and beneficial discussions.

This way they diffuse disagreements and always resolve a conflict. This is a very healthy relationship contrary to the famous belief that disagreements act to bring partners closer together. To some extent this might be true in some circumstances but most probably they result in unproductive conflicts which form a pattern that tears the integrity of the romantic relationship and if it is extreme it can lead to violence.

If you argue and end up laughing, it is an indication that both or one of you have the two greatest coping skills namely humour and laughter. The ability to laugh together generates tremendous effect in your relationship.

It is a great and marvellous natural gift that is known to release body chemicals that reduce stress and enhance your mood. Both laughter and humour are vital ingredients to a healthy relationship both emotionally and physically.

Shared laughter stimulates the immune system, kills stress and tension and greatly increases the release of pain killing chemicals in the blood. The benefits also include decreased blood pressure and systemic inflammation. This automatically lifts the body spirits. The ability to see humour in a tensed atmosphere brings spouses closer together.

Partners who have the ability to laugh at their situation actually feel stronger after the argument. Escalating problems are prevented long before they evolve.

You find yourself too busy laughing that you rarely have time for marital fights.

MyjoyOnline, © 2008

The author has 338 publications published on Modern Ghana.Column: myjoyonline

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