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24.05.2008 Article

Black and white marriages

By JYD Boakye
Black and white marriages
24.05.2008 LISTEN

Marriage is a basic human right. In fact, in Ghana all adults are expected to marry and most do so.

Marriage comes in different permutations across ethnic, racial and religious groups but the type that creates great interest is one where a Ghanaian marries a white (oburoni). Will you marry “oburoni”?

Will you marry "oburoni'?

Ghanaians love to travel but many find life abroad difficult to cope legally, socially, or economically. Many, therefore, marry "oburoni" for convenience. They can acquire legal status to stay, move freely and change jobs.

For these Ghanaians, marriage is not based on love. They live a lie and have back-up plan to marry their own kind later when they finally come back home.

In Ghana, marrying “oburoni" is a big status symbol. Ghanaians who marry "oburoni" feel lucky because Ghanaians see them as prospering even when everything about them shows otherwise. They marry to cover up their low achievement. It does not matter who you marry. Colour is the catch.

There are also many Ghanaians who get in touch with whites in their professions or social lives. Sexual hormones don't shut down and love comes when you don't look for it. They can't help falling in love. They get bounded by faith and commitment. They are determined to have a fulfilling marriage.

Some Ghanaians marry whites because of disappointments they have gone through in the hands of their Ghanaian lovers. They feel life will be better on the other side. They believe a white person will be more affectionate, respectful and supportive.

Disadvantages Of marrying "Oburoni"

Mixed marriages have their genuine cultural conflicts which are rooted in our social beliefs, habits and values. Fact is for every culture, people have their own customs on how a husband and wife should treat each other.

The wider the disparity in culture, the greater the risk of marital failure.

A Ghanaian would find it hard to give up his extended family values. The white on the other hand concentrates on his nuclear family.

A Ghanaian married to a white must learn to show affection openly. He must be less overbearing and controlling. He must accept to rotate domestic chores and live by strict schedule. He must learn to talk freely about sex, have sex by mutual consent and treat his wife like a queen.

He must also be mindful of how foreign systems always protect a woman. A verbal abuse you could take for granted with a Ghanaian spouse could get you in jail or lose hard earned property. A small error gets you into a divorce court with alimony to pay.

Marriage of Ghanaians to whites has a high failure rate. It is best when a Ghanaian lady marries a white. It is worse when a Ghanaian man marries a white lady and they decide to settle in Ghana. When a Ghanaian man gets home the tendency to go after his kind to enhance his ego and seek variation is high.

Can a Ghanaian be happy with "oburoni"

A Ghanaian wishing to marry "oburoni" must take courtship seriously to know who the person really is. They must talk of their expectations and hard facts of adjusting to their different cultures.

They must marry with genuine intentions. Don't marry to please prying eyes because it may not ensure your success. Don't marry within your race to please others because it may also not guarantee happiness. Who you marry then is not important. You are attracted to who you are attracted to.

You meet “oburoni" who has all the qualities you want for a spouse and you both appreciate the challenges and are eager to cope. Go for her for at least a simple reason. Love is blind and therefore, doesn't differentiate between black and white. With the right attitude, commitment and acts of kindness, you can have a fulfilling marriage with anybody, black or white.

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