Exploration of Mars, Moon and the crash-landing of Wizards.

Femi, are you there?

Why? Of course, I am here.

When will you these guys stop embarrassing us?

What type of silly question is that; whom do you call ‘you guys,’ and who is embarrassing you?

I mean you villagers in Kasoa, ha ha ha!!!

What is so hilarious that makes you chuckle like a sweepstakes winner?

This one e pass sweepstakes, sef.

For your information, Kasoa is no longer a village. Go and check your map. A study even said that it is the fastest-growing city in West Africa. It has been designated a Municipality since 2010; where have you been?

I know, I know. But why do you guys continue to behave like thirteen-century peasants, with all your fast growth and municipal status?

Really! What a putdown; who behaves like peasants? You! Have you no better employment for your time than to deride our beautiful city and fantastic folks?

Beautiful, my ass. No one apart from you villagers will ever call that over-crowded, vast ghetto beautiful. I don’t blame you though; our elders say, the mouth wey e no good, the owner go lick am.

You and your blasted proverbs, what have we good people of Kasoa done to warrant these unwarranted insults?

No one insults you villager, but your own illiterate antics.

You are really in an insulting mode today.

Do you guys read at all? Don’t they have a newspaper in your village? Honest, Femi, do you guys receive radio or television coverage?

I no go mind you.

Let’s be serious, now, Femi. Answer me.

Answer you what?

Do vendors sell newspapers in Kasoa?

Come visit and see for yourself. I am not going to answer any silly questions about the most wonderful city in Ghana.

Kai! Kasoa, wonderful what! Me, I should come and visit? Allah Kiaye. God forbid bad things. Why should I visit a place where people appear to live in the past?

What exactly are you talking about, Mr. Jester?

Now, what exactly did you say we did wrong? Enough of this beating around the bush.

On the other hand, the government might decide to take an interest and fast-track our space exploration by setting up an experimental academy there. That is looking at it from the positive side. The Indians are on their way to Mars; the Chinese are racing to the moon, maybe Ghana can leap-frog and go intergalactic. With you wonderful guys in Kasoa and your wizardry, it must be a piece of cake.

Hey, come on now, are you sure that you have not been imbibing some potent Akpeteshie?

No, Femi, I didn’t drink anything. It is just that you villagers continue to make us decent folks the butt of international jokes. Do you know how many calls and emails I received? Do you know how many of my Twitter, LinkedIn, and Facebook contacts lampooned me because of the antics of you villagers in Kasoa?

Why don’t you come straight to the point? I honestly do not know what you keep referring to.

You are not denying that wizards and witches on intergalactic voyages regularly crash-land in your hamlet.

So, we are no longer a village, but you have reduced us to mere hamlet, god dey. And why do you make a capital out of one wizard that fell?

You! Femi, you! Don’t tell me you also believe that crap about wizards falling from the sky. I almost die of embarrassment when I read that compatriots with whom I share this blessed republic paraded the town with an alleged wizard. This is the 21st, Femi!

There is no need to cry yourself hoarse. People saw what they saw.

And you believe it! This is unbelievable; I cannot believe that I’m hearing this from you, of all people.

It is not for me to believe or disbelieve. Thousands of citizens cannot be telling lies.

Incredible. So village folks saw something they cannot explain and quickly attributed it to wizardry, and allowed the international and social media to mock us?

Those that mock will continue to mock, whatever we do.

But seriously, I believe it is time you guys wake up from your ignorance, and join the rest of humanity…

Do you mean that those who saw the wizard were not human beings?

Femi, please, please. How do you come to be defending the indefensible? Stop making a mockery of your people.

It is you busy-bodies that mocked yourself. People saw what they saw.

Tchhah! And I thought I was talking to some enlightened soul.

Now, you are getting personal. Do you mean that I am not enlightened?

I’m sorry that it rubbed you the wrong way. But seriously, what type of enlightened mind believe in wizards and witches in this age and time?

Just because you don’t believe in something does not mean that it does not exist or that it should be mocked.

Some things just deserved to be mocked. In this age, when science ruled supreme, we still have villagers like you believing in people flying without propulsion engines and crash-landing without a parachute.

Science has not answered everything.

Of course, science hasn’t answered everything. But as a great mind said: what we know is science, and our ignorance is superstition.

Your great man is entitled to his opinion; just like our people in Kasoa are entitled to theirs.

So, Femi, are you seriously suggesting that wizards can crash-land in this age?

I don’t know.

And what is it that makes your village such a favorite landing site for wizards?

Who says it happens all the time?

This is the second story I read about witches and wizards crash-landing in Kasoa in about two years. What is it with your village that makes it so attractive to wizards?

What type of question is that; who told you that I’m an authority on witches?

You villagers sef, didn’t they teach geography in your schools?

Meaning?

This means that if you guys know a little bit of the geography of Ghana, you will know that the collective hallucination you experienced made absolutely no sense.

You! What has geography got to do with it?

Everything, everything. From what I read your village people said the wizard told them that he was flying to a meeting in Cape Coast from northern Ghana when he crash-landed in Kasoa. Geography alone argued against that happening.

Why?

Why what? Take a map of Ghana and you will see that Kasoa is not remotely close to the route. And have you guys heard of psychiatry?

There you go again, with uncalled-for pull-downs. Of course, we have heard of psychiatry.

If you have, rather than continue to make a collective fool of yourself and cause great embarrassment to the rest of decent, civilized folks, you guys should send people who made outrageous claims of being wizards to the hospital. Witches and wizards exist only in the fertile imaginations of those with delusions. We cannot continue to be the world’s laughing stock by exhibiting these types of behavior that people jettisoned four centuries ago. We cannot continue to consume the products of science and technologies, created by other people and not expect to be laughed at when our world continues to be ruled by irrational superstitions, and beliefs in phantoms and goblins. Seriously, we ought to be ashamed that we have men and women in this country who will parade towns with crash-landed wizards. A look at the picture of the man shows someone in urgent need of medical attention. The alleged protruding breasts on his chest is not an unknown phenomenon in science. It is called: Gynecomastia. Please, tell your fellow villagers to get better employment for their time and stop embarrassing the rest of us. The Americans and the Europeans have thoroughly explored space, the Asians, led by China and India, are playing serious catch-up, and you villagers got all excited about a 70-year sick man who, allegedly, can fly.

Tchaah!

©️ Fẹ́mi Akọ́mọ‌láfẹ́

Farmer, Writer, Published Author, and Social Commentator