In Poll We Trust - Biden Must Go!

(From my archives. This was one of the first satires I penned for the defunct Accra-based New Horizon magazine.)

[Introduction: I concluded my article, "Bush's Last Hurray" thus:

PS: It shall never be known what crimes we committed that made Americans inflict a moron like George Bush Jr. on the rest of us. As he sings his last hurrah, we say good riddance to a very bad rubbish. May the likes of George Bush Jr. never again preside over the affairs of an important nation! Amen, amen, amen!

PSS: Unfortunately, the gods appeared not to have heard my prayers. Americans inflicted “Change we can believe” Obama who bombed and droned enough countries to win himself a Nobel Prize for Peace.

The world has barely recovered from the nightmare of the Obama years when Americans inflicted the narcissistic Trump on the world. The noxious smell of Trump still lingers when Americans tell us that we haven’t seen anything yet; a totally corrupt Ogre with absolutely no redeemable feature whatsoever, a barely cognitive Joe Biden, was put into the Oval Office. Joe Biden's entire life was built on corruption.

Even sub-zoological species will know that Biden suffers from advanced cognitive disabilities, his handlers, through their media shoved him down our throats as the most competent man in the whole universe.

And, although, the man who never saw a war he did not like did his best to placate the warmongering MICs, it was, apparently not sufficient for them.

May the gods have mercies on us.
Today, the chorus has shifted: Biden Must Go!

Wow!
Those who sold the lies that theirs is one shining democratic system on a hill suddenly blurted out what many of us knew all along - the USA is only a Plutocracy that masquerades as a Democracy.

We are being told that Donors, not Voters, have determined that Old Joe has served his usefulness. Ceaseless opinion polls are being churned out at neck-breaking speed to show how Corrupt Joe would falter at the polls.

The same way Western MSN chorused: Assad Must Go!; Ghadaffi Must Go!, they now trumpet: BIDEN MUST GO!

In a few years, the full story of what went down with Biden and the Deep State shall be revealed. Until then, we mortals can only watch as the Collective West self immolate.

Readers, I present to you: "In Poll We Trust:

The humbled, almost pathetic, picture cut by President Clinton, was unlike anything I’ve associated with the President of the United States of America – the world’s most powerful figure. His hair was disheveled, his eyes bloated as though from lack of adequate sleep. His body was shaking palpably, like an escapee from the dungeon of a refugee camp. I even detected something like a three-day-old shrub on the normally cherubic chin. What had happened to the holder of the most powerful office in the world?

I placed a call to the USIS office in Accra, the Information Officer was out of town. Luckily though, his deputy, MacBoeing Donald, was willing to help with my inquiries. I described my anxieties to him and was baffled when he answered with chuckles.

“What do you find so funny, you a Republican?”

“No, I am apolitical. But I assume that you’re not an American citizen. Your accent, I should add, is a dead give-away. If you don’t mind, I will place around that geographic hocus-pocus they call Nigeria, am I right?” He was still guffawing.

“I don’t see the funny side of the story, Mr. Boeing. What are you guys, a bunch of blood-thirsty maniacs? Why would Americans delight in seeing their president looking dejected?”

“It’s MacBoeing, or Mr. Donald if you wish. Americans love to see their president as a strong, almost god-like figure. They’ve got neither the stomach nor sympathy for a whimpering, cringing bum – like the leader of some banana republic. Americans cannot stand wimps. That’s the beauty of the American System, and that’s why our system is so appealing to the rest of the world.”

“How could they expect him to appear god-like when they keep throwing distracting statistics at him?”

“You do not appear to see the logic, eh? eh!”

“I don’t see the logic in a system which democratically elected a man to office, yet within five years reduced him to shreds, by the constant bombardment of conflicting opinion polls, and still yet expect him to appear god-like.”

Mr. Donald released a series of laughter. “You’re missing the big picture. Mr. …( I can’t cut that name, pardon me.) The majestic of the American system is that those in government have to take into account the opinion of those who are governed. Now, you and I know that this opinion is best expressed in free polls.”

“But don’t you see that the guy has just been elected for a second time? Why don’t you, guys, give him a break – till, say, the end of his term? He has but a few more years to retire. He cannot contest elections again. But now, polls are suggesting that over 72.012% of Americans think that he’s doing a bad job. That is enough to drive any sane man crazy. The guy has been reduced to tatters.”

Mr. Donald finds this assertion funny. “See,” he bellowed with hilarity, “Americans have to constantly remind their leaders who sent them to office in the first place. Everyone has to be given a chance to have some input into the system. I guess that the cabal of klepto-feudal-military reprobate oligarchy mis-ruling your country does not care for such democratic niceties. But Americans, God bless them, would settle for nothing less. According to a study by the Kennedy School of Government conducted early this year, 97.986% of Americans agreed that they have the best political system in the world. That is with an error margin of plus or minus three percent. See what I mean?” Mr. Donald was beside himself with laughter.

“I see what you mean, but the same poll said that 98.345% thought that the American political system is corrupt beyond redemption. A MORI poll of the same week said that 95.234% of Americans said that the Presidency is unwieldy, while in a TIME-CNN poll, 96.567% thought Congress is crooked beyond reformation. A Gallup poll of the previous week found a staggering 99.8% of Americans opining that your judiciary is a huge, albeit expensive, joke that serves the interests of only the well-heeled. What do you say?”

“Now,” Mr. Donald laughed, “You’re getting the picture. No system is perfect, but every single member of a society should have a say in how it’s governed. Only in America is this done.”

“Actually, I call to express my concern for the health of the President of the United States. Is it too difficult for you Americans to see that your president is human, after all? There was a poll in the MILWAUKEE DESPATCH last week that says that 97.53% of members of the Milwaukee Farmers Association were against the sale of Fiber-Optic Technology to China. Now, now, how could the president of the world’s only superpower be expected to take such ponderous geo-political and geo-strategic decisions, hamstrung by members of a farmer’s union in a backwater state?”

“That’s not fair, Mr. … (I still cannot get the hang of that name of yours), you have taken that poll completely out of context. You seem to have, shall we say conveniently, forgotten that President Clinton was the first DEMOCRAT to come along in a very, very long time. Those farmers are solid, born-again Republicans. They changed their minds to give the Democrats a shot at the most important post in the world. President Clinton, any president, owe it to them to, at least, listen to what they have to say.”

“What do farmers know about fiber-optic technologies?”

“Enough to construct informed opinions. China is a backward, communist country ruled by regenerate Bolsheviks. It is a country with more people than food to feed them. America is the leading, most technologically advanced, and most politically sophisticated in the world. The farmers were asked if America should help China with FO technologies and, of course, like most true-blooded American patriots, they said NO.”

I was flabbergasted by the logic. “I am beginning to see the picture. But how do you explain the poll in the Minnesotan daily, TWIN-CITY ECHO, which suggested that 98.897% of the respondents to their poll think that President Clinton is doing a bad job in his handling of the American-Vanuatu relationship? What’s this relationship? Where is Vanuatu?”

“Are you asking me? I am a diplomat, not a geographer. Actually, Mr. … (forget it!) I don’t understand your cynicism. We’ve got the best system in the world, even our adversaries recognized this. Why do you think that the Soviet Union imploded?”

“I am very sorry you feel that way. I have nothing against your system. But I was just wondering why Americans cannot make life a little easier for your elected officials…”

Mr. Donald interrupted me, ” Yeah, how?” His voice registered great impatience.

“How about setting up a Presidential Poll Advisory Board to advise your president on opinion polls? The board would be responsible for distilling the mish-mash polls into something more coherent (and, hopefully, palatable) for the president. It will not, in my opinion, diminish your country’s democratic ideals, and your presidents will stop looking like the wrath of the gods. …”

Mr Donald interrupted again, “Hey, Mr. … whatever you call that name of yours, something just came up. I’ll be in touch.”