Boyfriends Are Not Husbands; Girlfriends Are Not Wives

She cooks for him all the time and does his laundry and cleaning on regular basis. He pays her fees, buys her provisions, and apparently provides housekeeping money. She justifies it, “I do want to be his wife, and I want to show him how a wifey-material I am”, and he defends, “I want to show her what a lovely husband I would be”.

Sad to say, the problem with most of them is that their level of involvement [physically] in each other’s lives considerably exceeds their level of commitment.

Dating is not marriage
The irony is that these days, it is difficult to differentiate dating or courtship from marriage. The girls treat their boyfriends like they are their husbands, and the boys treat their girlfriends like they are their wives.

She has the key to his apartment and practically lives there. She cooks for him every day, does the laundry, and basically takes care of his every need, even before he asks. He also provides money for housekeeping and money for her to fix her hair every fortnight. He changes her wardrobe every month, pays her bills, and even provides for the “in-laws”. That sounds lovely!

Some are involved physically, and they legitimize it, “Unless I sleep with him, he wouldn’t want to commit to me, much more marry me, and we wouldn’t know if we are compatible”, “How will I know if the shoe fits unless first I try it on?” Maybe you should know that a foot stays about the same size, but the human sex organs are wonderfully stretchable and adaptable. Much greater importance is to test person-to-person compatibility.

Others also go to the extent of operating joint bank accounts. Well, there is no restriction of opening joint accounts by unmarried partners. You should, however, be told that, even many married couples don’t merge their finances.

Dating, as I always say, is a “marriage market.” It is a tryout for marriage, offering you the chance to explore and learn before you make that serious decision of marriage. It is a “market” where you “shop” for your prospective life partner.

Someone said, “It’s likened to walking into the mall to buy a pair of shoes. You can only stare at it and admire its amazing features and beauty without walking out with it once you haven’t paid for it. When you walk into the mall, you’re dating. It doesn’t necessarily mean you will buy something from the mall. When you buy whatever, it’s called marriage. As long as the bride price has not been paid, you are only dating.”

Your boyfriend is not your husband; your girlfriend is not your wife

The truth is, you may be the “best teas” and the “egg-cellent couple” in town. However, inasmuch as the bride price has not been paid for, no one is duty-bound to do anything for or give anything to anyone, and no one is entitled to demand anything from anyone either. She is your girlfriend, not your wife; he is your boyfriend, not your husband.

Do you remember the old saying, “Why buy the full cow when you can get the milk for free?”

While many men will propose to women who possess “wife-like” character traits, it may take quite longer time to get a man to marry you if you’re giving him all that he stands to benefit from marriage without the accompanying commitments on his side. What will inspire a man to marry you if he already has “all that marriage offers” without any of what he is supposed to offer?” Have you unraveled why some men will date or be engaged with you for many years without any desire or plans to settle down with you?

On the other hand, why will a woman want to settle down with you when she is receiving huge “gifts” that she knows even in marriage she will likely not get?

It doesn’t matter how long you both have dated or courted, until there’s marriage, a boyfriend, every woman should understand is not your husband, and a girlfriend, every man should remember, is not your wife; you must treat him as a boyfriend, and her as a girlfriend.

Don’t come crying later
This is not to discourage you from doing good and being generous to your significant other. Not at all. You’ll be blessed for helping them in their times of need. However, one should be wary of the worth of whatever they are doing and giving. Don't go about paying fees and bills, and doing all house chores in the name of "We have plans to get married". You may be disappointed. You are under no obligation to give anything to her, and she is not indebted to do whatever for you. Know your limit because anything you give or do is a freebie.

Be mindful to slow down and let the dating and courtship process happen naturally. Don’t put it on autopilot to get compromised. Take charge, dictate it and drive within the speed limits.