J. A. FukuorHosu Castle, Accra Countrymen and women, my criticism-loving opponents and my dearest praise-singing loyalists, Did any of you hear Jerry Boom’s ‘lecture’ on June 4? I didn’t fail to accord most of what he said the contempt it deserved. All those demands for a chemical interrogation apparatus, lie detector tests and a visit to the fetish shrine at Antoa were very infantile, to say the least. Accusing me and members of my governing team of complicity in the serial killing of women in the year 2000 sounded like the ravings of a mad, lunatic loser. And oh, yes, he spoke about the Cotton woman who promised him tons of quality rice grains, all in his desperate attempt to dismiss Ghanaians’ suspicions that he had some carnal knowledge of her. But who cares? Which man in his right senses in the absence of solid evidence, will admit that he slept with another woman, especially at a well-attended political gathering with his wife right by his side? Remember Billy the Clinton? After he had opened the door to Monica’s paradise with a cigar (not exactly a miracle by human standards), he told the whole world that he did not “know that woman” – meaning he did not have any sexual relations with Monica Lewinsky. Even after several photographs had shown him hugging and exchanging lusty glances with the attractive and busty Monica, Billy the Clinton was adamant. It was not until the appearance of Monica’s blue dress, which had been stained with Billy’s seed, until the then leader of the free world admitted his frolic in the Oval Office with an intern. So Jerry Boom admits that he found the Cotton woman very attractive but he was a eunuch before her. Cotton is in jail now but, someday, I believe she might come out to write a book in which she will gladly spill the beans and probably show us a dress with Jerry’s seed. Somebody should be kind enough to inform Mr. Boom that in America villains can become instant millionaires by publishing their steamy, scandalous memoirs. A day after Jerry Boom’s lecture at the Arts Centre, condemning those who have accused him of unimaginable atrocities before the National Reconciliation and demanding a visit to the Antoa shrine to determine the truth, an incident occurred at the NRC, something happened at the Old Parliament House, which made me think that he had already visited some shrine. Did you see the 75-year-old barrister, Joseph Ampah (may his soul rest in peace) collapse before the eminent NRC panel and die, in spite of the valiant efforts of Bishop Palmer-Buckle to offer mouth-to-mouth resuscitation and the noisy nuisance of a ‘prayer contractor’? I won’t tell you whether or not we have paid or brought people down from abroad to testify against Jerry Boom. But, hey, he cannot have his grievances addressed if he consults a fetish to strike dead anyone who mentions his name before the NRC. He should take things ‘cool’ because I am by this letter instructing the NRC to seriously consider Jerry Boom’s request for some of his accusers to be lined up for a lie detector test. Please note that ‘consider it’ does not mean ‘do it’. As for the shrine, we won’t go there, we won’t even consider it. It will only make us the laughing stock of the international community. They are already sneering at our inability to provide basic first aid for an event about which we were warned, from the very beginning, could make hearts pump more blood at a faster rate and send tempers soaring beyond normal manageable limits. Mr. Ampah should not have died like a rat, not at the NRC. Kudos to Bishop Palmer Buckle who did his best to revive the dying man and the fellow who offered his BMW to convey Mr. Ampah to the hospital. But the NRC could have done better and it should do much better next time. Last week was a very eventful one in Ghana, wasn’t it? There was a lot for me to think about even before Jerry Boom’s demand for us to visit the Antoa Shrine and the unfortunate and undignified demise of Mr. Ampah at the NRC. I am not the type who harbours hatred for too long. In fact I don’t have the time to harbour hate. But for the rebellious evil man called Charles Taylor – hatred is a bitter emotion I can afford. He has traumatised Liberians for more than a decade and since he showed his ugly face with a gun in his hand, the West African sub-region has been teetering on the edge of the abyss. With my election as the Chairman of the sub-region’s political grouping, I thought I could bring my gentleness to bear on this beast and compel him to give peace a chance. Did you know that the UN has banned him from traveling outside his country because of all the atrocities he has visited on the people of Liberia and neighbouring Sierra Leone? Bringing him to Accra to talk peace with the rebels he had tutored and mentored was not an easy task. I first had to get clearance from the UN to allow him to travel. I then had to send one of our Fokker planes to Liberia, with two ‘okulampi’ fighter jets as escorts, to bring him down. Little did I know that the UN, headed by my own brother Kofi Annan, had hatched a plan to cause me grave embarrassment of international proportions. Can you believe that they issued a warrant, literally instructing me to cause the arrest of Taylor, the Chief West African Rebel. That was a demand, which forced me to, once again, say to the world that my balls are too small and they are not made of steel. I thank God for giving me a mendacious Foreign Minister, who came up with the lie that we have not received a copy of the warrant. That lie bought me some precious few minutes to arrange a flight to spirit Charles Taylor out of Accra. Next time the UN wants me to do something about Charles Taylor, they should ask me to kill him. I will do that with my own hands or get somebody else to do it on my behalf. For all the trouble he has caused Liberia and the sub-region as a whole, I feel strongly that his days on earth should end soon for his miserable incarceration in hell to begin. It’s easier to kill a man like Charles Taylor than arrest him. Remember Jonas Savimbi of Angola? I am really angry with the UN and its war crimes tribunal for Sierra Leone. But I thank them for giving me an excuse for the inevitable failure of the peace talks at Akosombo. I tried, I really tried. Your Excellent One, J. A. Fukuor
Disclaimer: "The views/contents expressed in this article are the sole responsibility of the author(s) and do not neccessarily reflect those of Modern Ghana. Modern Ghana will not be responsible or liable for any inaccurate or incorrect statements contained in this article."
Reproduction is authorised provided the author's permission is granted.