Letter From The President III

J. A. FukuorHosu CastleAccra Countrymen and women, opponents and loyalists, I returned from my short vacation in the Indian Ocean island to a flurry of activity at the nation’s House of Power, which makes me very happy and increases my confidence level. It’s all because of one man – Charlie Brobs (I like to call him WB Yves). That renegade left me in the political wilderness to form his own political movement when the struggle for the Black Star stool became so tough. Charlie Brobs will not follow if he is not leading. He is arrogant and too ambitious for my liking. I needed to keep his mouth shut so I thought I could get him preoccupied by putting the nation’s power supply in his hands. The offer was so lucrative that he decided to send his political party “on leave”. And he’s been so impressive so far. After turning part of his office into a bathroom with a full-set jacuzzi, the man has succeeded in annoying staff of the Power House so much so that they will not accept a hundred percent salary increase. I don’t really know what they are driving at but I get the feeling that they think the 100% increase is too much for them. Or perhaps, they are just bored stiff with WB. Those who have don’t want and those who want don’t have - I know thousands of people who are asking for just a 20 percent increase in their salaries but have been denied. I can’t fathom what Charlie Brobs did to the Power House workers to get them so annoyed, so much so that they will reject a 100% increase in wages. Whatever he did should be replicated in other parastatal institutions. If only I could get all Ghanaian workers to reject salary increases I would be able to save some more money to build a new mansion for myself and all future leaders of the land (as you may be aware, I really don’t like the bachelorette at the Osu Castle). WB Yves is a real gem. If you know anyone like him, please let me know. I will replicate WB Yves and put one in charge of the Civil Service and plant another at the helm of the labour union. They will annoy all civil servants and all workers under the TUC to the extent that minimum wage negotiations will be a thing of the past and even if I voluntarily increase wages beyond what they expect, I know they will reject it. Even though I commend WB Yves for being able to turn the workers lust for more money into anger I am apprehensive about what might follow. What if the workers of the Power House decide to lay their tools down and stop the Akosombo turbines from spinning? What if they stop pumping oil into the thermal plant at Aboadze. I can’t imagine what would happen. All my investor friends from Mauritius, Tibet, Vanautu and elsewhere will pack off. And what will become of my golden age? Even though I appreciate WB Yves’ gallant efforts at annoying the workers of the Power House and the current dividends I am reaping, I am not in the mood for future repercussions. I therefore tried to speak to his wife, Joyce in an attempt to persuade him to soften his dictatorial stance. When I told my secretary to get Joyce on the line, she told me that WB has thrown Joyce out of his house and that Joyce no longer has any influence on WB Yves. I thought Joyce was capable of changing WB with some of her salt and light. But alas, Joyce’s salt did not make him sweet, neither did her light brighten his paths. Am told that WB Yves has re-married without divorcing Joyce; that he moved to stay in a mansion at Akosombo without Joyce. Is it true that he married one of his secretaries? Now, with Joyce out of Yves’ life, I really don’t know how to get him to change his dictatorial posture at the Power House. Already, there are these warnings that if I don’t remove him from the Power House the whole nation will be taken off the national grid. But tell me, how do I get rid of the hen, which does not lay eggs, but helps you to keep the golden ones? Am really in a dilemma. Somebody, please help me. Before I sign off, have you heard all the noise people are making about Speaker Ala? What are they saying? The man is sick and he needs treatment and people are saying that I should have looked on as he languished in a rodent-infested hospital in Ghana. The money we are spending on him might be too much but please, don’t forget that he is a very important man and he has a temper. He is so overbearing that I can’t refuse what he demands. Don’t forget, I could not stop him from buying a Mercedes Benz for about 600 million cedis. So when he called to say that Dr. Frimpong Boateng is not good enough for him, I knew my choices were limited. Those before me sent their people abroad for treatment and in this area, I think change is not necessary. Never mind the fact that I complained about it when I was in the wilderness. The fact of the matter is that I was mistaken and I didn’t know that some diseases cannot be treated in Ghana. We in the ruling class sometimes find it difficult to share hospital wards with mere mortals like you. We spent good money to get good treatment for Mr. Speaker and am glad to inform you that he will return next week. He’s also gotten good advise about how to keep his fragile heart in good shape. The doctors counseled him to take a firm decision on whether or not he wants to stay married to his wife, with whom he stays in the same house but has not spoken a word to in more than two decades. Yes, the man has blacklisted his wife and does not speak with her. Secondly, he’s been told to stop doing his own shopping at Koala. Finally, he’s pledged to go slow on the little ‘shoddies’. If he doesn’t heed the advise and falls sick again – well, we are ready to spend thousands of dollars for his treatment abroad. Your execellent one, J. A. Fukuor