Love, true love is very essential to our having a stable home. Anything built on love will always last and be successful. From it will sprout forgiveness, kindness, patience, support, sincerity, commitment, and faithfulness. And without all these the family cannot be in order. The man must love his wife and his kids with all his heart and all his might. Yes, your resources are basically for your family. They must be on the first line charge. You support you family first and then extend to others.
If you always spend your money outside or on yourself, leaving out your family, God will curse you. Sure! In fact the word of God said that you should love and protect your family as Christ loves and protects the church. Now, Christ does not love the church because it is perfect or very good, No! It is just because it is his body. Nobody hates his body. Nobody wants to hurt his body.
No matter how bad, old or ugly your body is, you will still nurture, nourish, cherish and protect it. I said this because I could hear you ask what if they are unlovable. Yes, some people could be very difficult, ungrateful, complex and unlovable, but you must do it because it is a commandment. Men are commanded to love their wives, their kids and also everybody living and staying around them. Yes, they (the house helps, drivers, workers, attendants, assistants, relations) are all part of your home. I strive to show the same level of love to those living with me. Though from other parents, but I see them as my kids and partners. Everybody must be treated well with love, respect and kindness.
Some wish and give the best to their own kids and maltreat others. This is very ungodly and wicked and can attract the wrath of God to your home. The truth is that those around you are actually ‘angels’ sent to help you and also try your faithfulness and love. And how you treat them can determine the level of your blessings or curses you receive. Be careful! What you will do for your kids do also for others. What you cannot do to your kids don’t do to them. That is the will of God and it is what I believe and practice.
Then, wives must respect and love their husbands. You must see your husband as your brother, your partner, your friend, your father and your lord. Yes, your lord! You heard me well. Godly women in the bible submitted, loved and called their husbands their lord. Sarah called Abraham, “My lord.” He is not your enemy. He is not your competitor. He is not that man or your boy. He is your lord, your beauty, your glory and your crown. That is the word of God. If you don’t see and treat him as such, then your home / family may never be in order physically and spiritually. Listen, all these are why we are having problems in the family today.
Are you not seeing them - broken homes, lack of commitment, unfaithfulness, fighting, insincerity, dishonesty, financial barrenness, etc? You see marriages breaking in just few weeks, few months. In fact, today it is ideal to jump from one relationship to another at flimsy excuses. This generation does not really understand the virtues of endurance, patience, submission, hard work and true love that once made marriages and homes strong, beautiful and enduring. Men must love and cherish their wives. Wives must love and respect their husband and both must love, educate, spiritually and emotionally support their children and others sent to live and minister to them. This is what will put our homes in order.
Then, we must not only love our children, but must be seen to have equal love for all of them. There are parents who do not have personal, good, smooth relationship with their kids. They are terror at the home. When they are around everybody recoils in fear. No relationship, unapproachable. This is wrong. Your wife and children should be your best friends, your confidants and your partners. Though they are still very young, I interact with my kids as friends and partners. I eat and play with them.
I can’t remember dining alone when they are around. I won’t even enjoy the food. I discuss almost everything about the family with my wife and kids, unless on extremely exclusive issues. Why hide things from them? If it turns good or bad it will still affect them. I am always there to explain everything to them – from the scriptures to school work, current affairs to family issues, extended family and even village issues, etc. I see them as my friends. (But that does not remove the discipline when necessary).
They must learn from you first. You must make them to trust you. They must not be afraid to approach you, play and discuss their strength, fears, weakness, prospects and mistakes with you. They must receive love to be able to give it out. If you block them from all these, then, the other devious, outside interests will fill in the gap and hijack them from you. Love your spouse, love your kids for they are your life, your joy, your name and your future. If you don’t show them love, they will grow up haters, difficult and unlovable people.
Now, the other thing is that you must be seen to love your children equally. This is very important because it is what has destroyed many homes and family relationships today. Many siblings have become worst enemies just because their parents foolishly manifested favouritism. Even, when you are tempted to love or favour one of them for any reason, you must resist or at least suppress the feeling. Even when you prefer one above others try as much as you can to balance it by encouraging and supporting others to measure up.
There is always a reason to love each child. Find it. No child enjoys being relegated or unloved by the parents for any reason. It can destroy psychologically and he/she will hate you and the favoured brothers or sisters forever. Look at the struggles this particular issue brought in Isaac’s and Jacob’s families. In each case, it almost resulted in total destruction and assassination.
Isaac loved Esau but his wife Rebecca preferred Jacob. When the birth right was fraudulently taken away from Esau he would have destroyed Jacob, if the later didn’t run away. And it took divine intervention and prayer to finally reunite those brothers after the events. Now, unfortunately, Jacob later fell into the same trap. He loved Joseph more than his brothers and he foolishly showed it. And you saw how the boy was hated and narrowly, divinely, miraculously escaped being assassinated by his disgruntled brothers.
Even when you love somebody show it with wisdom because it can put any of you in danger. Don’t recklessly, disparately flout it before others. Some have been harmed or poisoned to death because of this. Jacob recklessly put Joseph in danger by making a coat of many colours for him and openly showing preference of him. Look at this, ‘Jacob loved Joseph more than any of his other children because Joseph had been born to him in his old age. So one day Jacob had a special gift made for Joseph—a beautiful robe. But his brothers hated Joseph because their father loved him more than the rest of them. They couldn’t say a kind word to him.” Genesis 37:3-4
The young boy also was naïve by complicating the matter with his practice of reporting his brothers to their father and also foolishly announcing his divine destiny dreams to his already envy-charged brothers. My God! A great blunder. It was bad enough that their father was favouring him but worse that he was flouting his dreams and visions before them. And when they got the opportunity, they immediately, gleefully chose to “kill him and see what will come out of those his dreams,” Yes, that was what they said. Please, be very careful how, when and who you share your dreams and visions with otherwise you will die with them.
Most people, including friends and some relations may not be happy with you, especially if you want to be ahead of them. Joseph paid terribly, and almost lost his life for his and his father’s carelessness on this. Finally, your actions to put your home/family in order must also extend to assigning responsibilities while you are still alive and preparing a will very early.
Now, you must not wait to grow old or get sick before doing this. Some families have been set on fire, some dependants including children have been rendered stranded and helpless because they were not prepared, groomed, covered by these. Writing a will, grooming, and assigning roles do not automatically mean that you are about to die. No. Rather, it is a sure way to permanently institutionalize peace, sanity, your love, the future, and orderliness in your family. If you have not done it, please, do it now. God told King Nehemiah, “Put your house in order….”
Yes, we are not about to die, but we must wisely put our house in order. David, my mentor, anointed, and established Solomon on the throne while he was still alive. And you already know what that saved his family from. God bless! Now, we will be discussing generational curses and generational blessings next time since they were mentioned earlier in this message. It is always an interesting topic. Don’t miss it. Blessings to you again!
Gabriel Agbo is the author of the books/audiobooks: Power of Midnight Prayer, Receive Your Healing, Breaking Generational Curses: Claiming Your Freedom, Never Again!, I Shall Not Die, Move Forward and many others. Tel: 08037113283 E-mail: [email protected] Website www.authorsden.com/pastorgabrielnagbo