Freedom never comes - Part 20

She wanted to convince him to believe that humans are never free to choose freely but are restricted to what the blood directs someone to think and do. He wanted her to consider if what she was thinking would reflect reality of life; life would not give anyone the chance to set himself above the odds everyone is faced with and make it over time with hard work, rather by her thinking the world would eventually come to a standstill in its development and progress. Emotions, love, hate, being depressed or hopeful, that is what Seth Wooly tried to make her understand, were vital strings to play on to push forward and forward into a better world and not get overwhelmed by them in either way. She replied him insisting life would never be that easy and simply, rather a struggle for constant truth. He insisted on his part that life is working on and with principles once understood, applied, and constantly maintained it is a success story for each and every one of us. Her friends looked at Seth Wooly with disbelief. It was clear to him that their mind would not change as not willing to adapt to his message an obvious reason to leave the place, get to the streets that had light for all to see and enjoy before the white fog took everything away again. He looked around and around but nothing to see but white fog. He understood and walked to the door, opened it, closed it behind him, got off the shoes, put on his own shoes, looked to his right, to his left before walking straight towards his friends waiting anxiously to hear what he saw behind the door. The first person to come closer to was Linda Evans. He looked into her face, very close into her eyes. He did not say a word. She did not ask a question.

"Oh my God," shouted Seth Wooly into the room. The others woke up and looked at him. "I think I seriously must stop drinking too much...seriously. Guess what!"

Linda Evans opened her eyes that looked like having been shut for ages asking:" Oh, tell me, what is it all about?"

"I was dreaming a weird dream...so many stupid things...you will not believe it!" answered Seth Wooly.

"I was also dreaming strange things," mentioned Linda Evans seeing Fred Walter laying on the fluffy white carpet next to the armchair in the left-hand corner of the moadon. "I was dreaming to be in a place where there was only white...and such a funny old man with his rod and so many doors."

Seth Wooly looked at her and said: "Oh gosh, you were obviously having the same dream as me...so weird, so crazy. And I was talking in a street behind posh hotel with you...or someone that looked like you and was talking no sense at all. My head is seriously paining me. The last beer was definitely not good at all."

Fred Walter looked around the room seeing his friends in agony, pain and shock saying: "I had the same dream...I mean all these doors and this white man with his rod and all these strange talks...I do not want to remember as it does not make really much sense."

"So we all," advice Linda Evans collecting the bottles and dumped them into the waste bin not to cause further trouble with the Kibbutz Administration that had given them a last warning to change and behave well or to be kicked out from Kibbutz Ginegar, "must stop drinking too much. That is not good for us even it is much fun, but we eventually will harm ourselves, our brain will get rotten and our future will get wasted."

"Our brain gets rotten and our future wasted," repeated Kevin Hail. "How sweet you say that. but I do not believe we are that bad boys, not such a bad bunch of people. No, we are nice folks and al we want is to have a bit of fun. What else do you want to have on this planet than fun. Let others do the work but I want to have fun. I am young, one day I will be old and then life...dust to dust and ashes to ashes, that is all I have to say!" he tried to get p, was shaking, moving from left to right nearly falling over his own feet, holding himself at chairs and walls to stand straight as much as possible. He smiled all over his face, wisdom as absent.

"Exactly...that is what I also wanted to say," jumped Fred Walter into the discussion holding his hand on his forehead trying to ease the pain he felt in his head: "We are young and life is too short to waste it with hard work and better thoughts of a better future. What about the fun factor in life, I mean that is why I am here for...or not?"

Linda Evans lift up his friend and complained: "You are still drunken...drunken too much, my love. I better take you home to our room, there you will get a nice cold shower to come back to your senses and when your body is back to its normal strength need you to be close to me and make me happy. I have good vibrations between my legs...very good vibrations!"

"Fred Walter looked over his right shoulder feeling the hands of Linda Evans supporting his walk from behind around his waist." Oh, you want a baby...my love!"

"Stupid fool...not a baby...," mentioned Linda Evans managing to push Fred Walter and the rest of the friends out of the moadon, locked the door behind her, tried to keep them calm while walking slowly so that no one would wake up because of them. "I just want to enjoy that I am a woman and feel you...what you carry down there between your legs...that is all!" She smiled knowing he was between awake and asleep understanding nothing she wanted to tell him.

"Today is a bit chilling, that`s why I put a pullover on," explained Heinz Wohlfarth.

"Yes, I guess you are right," agreed George Fähnrich and looked up into the dark night skies. "I guess it is going to rain soon. I can see dark, dark clouds hanging up there between the stars. For the past week it was too hot already and always the grass had to be watered. so, nature and us we need a relief. So, the rain would be very welcomed."

"Yes, you are right. So, let’s sit down here and see what will happen and when. When rain comes, we can run to our rooms anyway fast to get socked wet," said Heinz Wohlfarth seeing over to their right counting the lights of Afula. Not many were on. He turned around and looked up to the hilltop, Nazareth was mostly covered in darkness. A nearby transmission station had cause fire and supply was not available as usual. Kibbutz Ginegar had its own standby generators, so no reason to worry. The factory was anyway shut down for repair works. The cows were asleep, the chicken resting.

"Oh, well...life is a funny place," did George Fähnrich start to share more insights into his life. "I just must think of my parents."

"What about them?"

"They had great hopes for me," answered George Fähnrich and looked down to his shoes. "They got these shoes for me, the one I am wearing. I mean basically as so far, my mother always got shoes for me. Somehow, I was too lazy, did not mind going out and buy some for myself. I simply could have asked her; she would have given me the money and I could have bought myself. No, it took me a long, long time to wake up and look around."

"And now you are here...and look around!" laughed Heinz Wohlfarth with understanding in his eyes. "Here... far from anything you once knew so well. A complete new setting."

"Physical distance can help, but...," George Fähnrich looked over the cotton fields that laid idle before his eyes waiting for the next harvest. "But you take what is inside you always with you...that is for sure. You cannot escape from your mind, your spirit your soul. You can only physically distance yourself from the past, what you are used to so well, the people around. All you can do is to add on by changing inside."

"What do you mean by that?"

"As we as humans are a big puzzle in little pieces with our will to piece them together to make it the picture that was once complete before we even bought the game, we can only use our time on earth wisely to rearrange the pieces and not wasting any more time to put pieces at a place we think they belong to while in fact they do not fit in that place at all. So, when we wise up and stop wasting precious time, we are heading towards wisdom. Too many of us stay in their corner, see the comfort, the safety of it instead of taking an eagle eye perspective to rearrange ourselves and our decision making process which relates into actions," lectured George Fähnrich getting a pack of chocolate coated biscuits from behind his back. The chocolate was not too soft as he had feared.

"So, you mean...if I get you right," too Heinz Wohlfarth two pieces and liked the taste of them, "we are the masters of our own universe."

"Very true!" applauded George Fähnrich and smiled full of wisdom in his face. "So, so true...and simple!"

"About simple...I do not know," stressed his friend out and hesitated Heinz Wohlfarth to agree with him completely. "When you are faced in life with so many, I mean basically endless options to choose from, decision making get more and more complicated. That is how I see things."

"One option makes life easier, indeed," said George Fähnrich smiling at his friend. "But when only one option exists understanding what is going on and what is supposed to go on becomes a serious problem!"

"You are right on that point!" gave Heinz Wohlfarth to understand. "So, a nice flower bucket that is seasonal seems to be a good option...right?"

"Seasonal?" George Fähnrich was not certain. "Seasonal, I do not quite think that way. Life is in circles; many issues occur in one or the other form in our life...a Déjá-vu is always present in us."

"Let me hear as that is where we stopped, what your parents had in mind for your life?"

"Oh, yes...they wanted me to take over their business eventually. In school I was not so eager to learn; was more of a dreamer style person. I was dreaming day and night, they complained about and to me. I did not mind them always rather hit in my room or in a park and thought about anything...dreaming my life away. After all, life is only there for us once...as far as I can dream." He laughed.

"Re-incarnation? Not possible to dream about?"

"I believe that souls are limited in numbers as otherwise human life cannot be understood, the hamster wheel we live in," said George Fähnrich and gave himself another treat with two more chocolate coated biscuits. "But what I mean this body that I have and your body that you have is available for us once. It is of certain importance as it is the container in which we can live our life."

"Very complex and complicated...but let us go back to your parents," wanted Heinz Wohlfarth to know more about his German friend that was so different from him. He enjoyed conversation with people far different than him to learn more about this world and human life in it. The requirement for an interesting controversial nevertheless was the other partner would not find pride in what he has achieved and be a proud person or a shy personality. Anyone that did not try to force his lifestyle onto him was most welcome to teach him a lesson.

"As I said, they wanted me to become either a Medical Doctor or Lawyer. But I guess at a certain point they got tired and gave up," smiled George Fähnrich with wisdom in his eyes. "They knew I am stubborn and go my own way. What sense does it make to put on shoes that are not made for you? Basically...no sense at all." He took the pack of biscuits that was empty, put it in his pocket to dispose off later in the waste bin of his room. "My father as well as my mother had tried to make me understand and possibly love their jobs. In each offices I was supposed to help out during holidays and got some pocket money to do small odd jobs for them. In neither places was I feeling myself...was I not there, only my body and my greed for money, that was it."

"I find it funny when people say and believe, money sets you free!" mentioned Heinz Wohlfarth with wisdom in his voice. Love birds were passing behind them giggling and holding each other tied. The had arrived few days ago from Switzerland. Everything and anything they did together not leaving each other out of sight for even a moment.

"When you are in love...fresh...heaven is on earth," commented George Fähnrich as he had turned around to follow them with his eyes. "One day...one day...I will possibly be in that position myself!"

"No big love yet? No heartbeats in the night when no one is by your side but in your dreams, your imagination only...yet the heartbeat is real...pumping blood all over your body!" tried Heinz Wohlfarth to describe him love feelings with drastic words looking straight into his eyes.

"Before I get involved in other people...," laughed George Fähnrich and looked over to Afua to see whether any change can be observed, more lights on or more light off. Nothing new to see. "Before I get involved in other people and their matters first must know more about myself and all that here around me!" He opened up his arms to embrace the scenery laying right in front of him. "My observation is that too many people, especially the young once, are slaves of their own lust, their feelings pumping and pumping blood more into their private parts than given them a break to think and reflect."

"Slaves of their own feelings and lust...that is an interesting perspective...never thought of it...but somehow, the more I think of it, it seems to make sense...indeed sense," responded Heinz Wohlfarth touching his chin several time with his right hand.

"I know someone that is married, has six children already, no money to feed them and cannot stop having sex with his wife. She is now pregnant with child number seven. They do not have enough money now for even birth control but have sex without thinking of the future. We all have hands, so why do they not use their hands and satisfy themselves, get out the sperm and that`s it...that is for free at any time."

"You are funny!" laughed Heinz Wohlfarth. "But they are married...and sex is part of it!"

"Yes, that is for sure...but it also means in the end they with no need and no correct thinking make themselves slaves of their own lust. That is how freedom and peace of mind will never come to them...I mean when you submit yourself to your own feelings and lust without thinking...you are a slave to feelings and not thinking, a hamster wheel person."

Heinz Wohlfarth stepped in and spoke his mind on behalf of many: “but be fair to people...for once. I mean we cannot separate feelings form ourselves...and lust also not...these are part of our human beings. We need them, the raw side of life, the wild side in us to multiply and be fruitful. Children do not come by thinking and wishing...but they are planted by nights or behind bushes during the day. That is a very central part in us. Yes, I admit some overstretch this moment in our life and jump on each other anyhow with no thinking, just following their feelings. In that sense they make themselves, their lifestyle, depending on feelings. How many strong and famous men in this world lost their kingdom and fortune, their reputation and respect because they were not able to keep their feelings, their lust under control. Some of them engage in illegal activities to make their wet dreams come true or use young boys and girls to experience what their dreams tell them in the real world of human interaction. I mean it all goes back to Adam and Eve as they were born not to understand anything, not to think but to live a happy life being naked. They only got the information as a command not to eat from the forbidden fruit, that was it. God never gave them the ability, never told them to think and make the world a place under their command of thinking. Life between Adam and Eve was very simple, raw, and straight forward to exchange human fluids...simple like that. They never created anything with their brains, with their imagination, with their soul, spirit, or mind nor with their hands. Both were just there in the Garden of Eden to eat, drink, digest and make the smelly by the walk side...that was all, and so time was on their hand to have sex always. That was life of us humans at the beginning. Simple, raw, and straight forward...boring to the extreme, hamster wheel people. But when we...."

George Fähnrich smiled at his friend and laughed how emotional he got to explain him his side of the story and made his remarks: "But when we were kicked out of the Garden of Eden paradise was taken from us and we had to struggle and fight to survive. That is what you want to say?"

"Yes, we had to struggle and fight for survival and a better life while God had given us one important thing."

"Understanding?"

"Right," agreed Heinz Wohlfarth and looked between his legs down to the ground, the soil under his feet, "understanding, reflection, a sense that tomorrow is another day, another chance to change the time and to change our fate. Without this gift, and it is a true blessing, we would have never been able to survive but killed each other right away to extinction."

"Interesting point...I mean that understanding, reflection, thinking and so on is a blessing, a gift from God. I have to think more about it!" said George Fähnrich. "To get back to my point earlier that money is not a mean to set anyone free. It is a means not to worry about how to pay for the basics in life and makes you stand tall above others as each of us want money, and plenty of it. So even you are not wise in your head, when money is in your hands plenty, people want to know how you got it and how they can also get it. Their wildest dreams get activated when they see you with big money in your hands. For you yourself it might only be a platform you want to stand on and make your agenda be heard. For your money is possibly not the answer to all issues but the means to draw attention to what matters to you most. Nevertheless to get big money that makes you stand above others for them to see and hear your ideas you yourself must have the motivation to get it, to work hard, sleep less, accept being called names, to separate you from old friends that think they know you and know you are never capable to achieve wonders in life. For you to push hard in life without emotions it is simply not possible. And then the problems start. When you are far from your own family, your wife, and children, with all the money and power that comes with it, temptation is a key issue here. In fact, then times proves itself that boys get separated from men...from wise men that a free and not slaves of their own feelings."

Heinz Wohlfarth said with a twinkle in his eyes: "So, than we must come to the conclusion feelings and emotions are a vital part of our life as humans...right...and at the same time can easily distract us from being free and live a life as people that well understand and reflect on life’s matters with the potential to make us slaves of ourselves instead to set us free?"

George Fähnrich smiled, got up ready to walk home as it was already past midnight, only few hours more to sleep before he had to be in the milk stand to milk the cows: "I think that is hitting the nail on its head!"

"So, basically this would mean, we need feelings and emotions to move on and push for more children and money while at the same time it takes us further apart from understanding our basics, life as it should be, a free life indeed."

"You are over the top!" laughed George Fähnrich and wished him a good night opening the door to his room, close the door behind himself, turned on the light to get undressed, turned off the lights again and went to bed.

Heinz Wohlfarth had agreed to see Monica and Heinz Blum the weekend after next. Both expressed their happiness to see him and George Fähnrich for the weekend. They could come for an afternoon and evening dinner, than sleep not far from their home at the beach in their sleeping bags to enjoy a most magnificent sunrise only simple style sleeping people could ever feel, nature pure and at its best.

Meanwhile the Kibbutz Managers had held an emergency meeting discussing the behavior of their English volunteers. Heated discussions were to be heard in the canteen at nights. The conclusion was, they had to leave Kibbutz Ginegar, all of them, no exception. The group was given two days to pack their belongings and leave the place. None of them was able to understand the decision but had no choice but to get ready and leave.

Linda Evans went to the room of Heinz Wohlfarth, knocked the door but he was still working in the orchard with Moshe Shalom. She went over to his workplace, caught up with him while he was on break. He was not surprised to see her. She walked over to him with a smiling face, sat down next to him enjoying his ice-cream and a cup of coffee.

"Never allow anyone to confuse you," said Linda Evans finishing her cup of coffee. "In life you can only achieve something meaningful if you follow yourself only." She looked at Moshe Shalom as he lived apple container after apple containers onto the waiting truck. "You can listen to other people, what they say, what they think, you can observe them...but in the end, only follow your own instinct and better say no when you are not certain about what to do. Better take a step back, check out the situation before you, take your time to decide and when you inside yourself are one hundred percent certain to be able to choose the right path, than go for it with no regrets and no questions on your mind. Ignore anyone that tells you otherwise. And when you write another piece, a novel, or an article, do not care what others might think of you, just write what is on your mind. Money you can make in many different ways, but to give up this space in life where you are absolutely free, you need to hear anything form anybody or make any compromise...just go for it. Money can never compensate you for that moment of freedom with yourself and the world around you. Just do not compromise your mind for anything in this world not for money, not for fame...simply for nothing. In the end you will see that this strength that you will demonstrate over time, at least after your death, will be honored by people as they themselves do not have the courage to be themselves rather to please people. We all must work and earn our living, so this corner of yours...never ever compromise it but stay genuine as you are. In this corner you will discover things about life´s matters other would never find nor understand even when you put it before them. To be confronted, to see right with your eyes things of importance does not automatically mean someone understands what stands before him or understands the meaning of it and how to use it best. Some people simple see the surface of things, not beneath issues. That is how we humans are...some of us at least stay above the simple-minded people that are too many of them among us."

Heinz Wohlfarth was hugging her, kissing her right hand to demonstrate his appreciation for her words spoken over him. She was still a mystery to him. A lady by her looks, a grand lady by her understanding of life´s issues but a woman that needed to be treated rough by simple minded men, men to mishandle her and use her for their own selfish interests.

"You...that is for sure...you are the one that I will definitely never forget in all my life!" said Heinz Wohlfarth offering her his second ice-cream while Moshe Shalom had turned off the engine of his forklift and walked over to them.

Linda Evans smiled, greeted Moshe Shalom, told him she would not have time for the cup of coffee he was about to prepare for her and turned to Heinz Wohlfarth while getting up ready to leave: "Be always yourself whatever might come. Never want to be anybody`s fool. You must promise me!"

"Promised!" said Heinz Wohlfarth and saw Linda Evans off. At that moment seeing only her back he could not know that he would indeed never see her again in all his life but would always have her on his mind.