Every week I get emails and notes from parents who discover their daughters are pregnant. It’s a shock to say the least, especially for parents who raised their children in Christian homes and taught them God’s good plans for marriage and children.
The parents who are most distraught are those whose daughters seemed to know better, but then strayed. After choosing to have sex outside of marriage, the daughter then claims that there is no problem with the choices she made. It’s enough to break a parent’s heart!
Maybe you’re the parent, and maybe your daughter thinks her choices are her choices, and now she wants you to celebrate this new life. Take a deep breath, Mom and Dad, and remember that even more important than winning this battle is staying connected with your daughter’s heart. Here are two ways to do just that:
Offer Lots of Love and Grace
Realize that your daughter does know that what she did (having sex outside of marriage) is a sin. She knows that it’s not God’s perfect way—even when she says otherwise. I guarantee that she has her defenses up. Even if she’s trying to push your buttons, her heart knows the truth. I know. I was that young woman.
The women from my mom’s church reached out to me when I was a pregnant teen, and I was VERY defensive. They tried to talk to me, and I turned my back on them. Instead of getting caught up in the issue of whether or not having sex outside of marriage was a sin (because deep down they know), offer a lot of love and a lot of grace. Your daughter needs that most.
Some things you can say:
- All of us make mistakes, but God loves us.
- We are thankful that you are choosing life—a child is a gift.
- And if you have younger children, here are wise words too: We want to support you and our grandchild, but we also want our other children to understand that the best decision is to choose a godly spouse and wait to have children after marriage. (If she tries to argue, simply say, “When you show me in the Bible that God’s best way is to have sex—and children—outside of marriage, then we can talk.)
- Also, if you have younger children, sit down with all them and be very open and upfront about the choices your daughter made. Talk about what God’s Word says and why His way is a better way. Also, pray together for their sister and this baby.
The pregnancy and your daughter’s initial defenses will be the hardest part! Things tend to smooth out after a sweet baby joins your family. Just do what you can to offer love and grace until then.