The term toxic (synonymous with deadly, poisonous, lethal) is used lot when we talk about people whose presence in our life is not positive. It seems that as a society we are increasingly aware of negativity in our lives and want to release it.
The good news is that any relationship that does not make us feel good nor contributes to our wellbeing does not have to be tolerated. We can exercise our rights to limit these relationships or eradicate them altogether.
In our increasingly busy culture, life is stressful enough. We have little patience for additional drama or stress brought on by taxing relationships with our friends and relatives. This stress is felt more than it is seen, heard or discussed. And it is not healthy for our minds or bodies.
It is your life. It is your energy. It is your precious time. If a relationship is not serving you, not supporting you and not elevating you towards your highest self, you are completely entitled to limit the extent that you are exposed to it. It does not mean that you do not care about the person involved or will stop caring them when you dynamic and closeness changes.
In other words, you can love or care for someone but you don't have to hang out with him or her.
Here are five ways to disconnect with love:
1. Say no. When you are invited to something where the toxic person is involved and you don't want to go, to politely decline. A simple, “thank you, but I cannot make it” will suffice.
2. Think loving and compassionate thoughts towards the person in question. Hating, resenting or being angry will only hurt you. Perhaps the toxic person is unkind or rude because they are afraid, lost, feeling insecure? Our external condition and behavior is always an expression of our internal condition.
3. Talk to them about needing some space in a loving way. Tell the person that you value them and you just need a little break for your own reasons. Its up to you how much you want to share. If you don't want to get into it, this is explanation enough.
4. Speak kindly of them to others. Disconnecting with love is not cutting someone out of your life and then talking trash behind his or her back. If the person in questions arises as a subject in conversation you can change topic or say something short, honest and kind, “yes, I have not seen her in a while… I hope she is doing well.”
5. Remember, you come first. No one will treat you with love or respect unless you do so first for yourself. Releasing non-supportive relationships are one of the first ways to do this!
Then relax, breathe and enjoy being in control of your life and your environment. Do not waste a second feeling guilty about putting someone very important first. You.