Thu, 07 Mar 2013 Love & Relationships

20 things every man wants in bed -- It's more than just dirty talk

20 things every man wants in bed -- It's more than just dirty talk
07 MAR 2013 LISTEN

You might think you are sexy down to a science. But do you know what real men actually want in a lover? Read on to find out.

When it comes to sex, you can get an “A” for effort. Guys want to be with someone who's actually into sex and not doing it as a favor or just going through the motions.

“There is nothing more seductive than an enthusiastic lover,” says Lou Paget, certified sex educator and author of The Big O: Orgasms: How to Have Them, Give Them, and Keep Them Coming.

“That beats out the perfect body or the perfect face anytime. A man wants feedback that a woman is into doing things with him!”

New tricks
Men want a lover who is willing to try new things from time to time. That doesn't mean you have to go all 50 Shades of Grey. Just be open to ideas.

“Sexual desire is like an appetite,” says Paget. “We all want to try different flavors -- otherwise we'd get bored eating at the same place all the time. Men want someone who is willing to explore unique feelings and new sensations.”

Worried that whatever you do is suddenly going to become part of your nightly repertoire? Don't think of it as a can of worms. Most likely the occasional change-up is all he needs.

We normally think of women as the ones who need reassurance about their appearance, but men get insecure, too. A lover who will find something to compliment and worship about her partner will never lack affection from him.

“Every man wants to know they have that special something that turns a woman on,” says Paget. “It could be something that turns her head or something like his intelligence or sense of humor that she finds incredibly sexy.”

It's not a cliché, ladies. A man wants a woman who will tell him what to do -- at least in the bedroom. Most guys will be thankful for a little instruction, especially if it means they'll succeed at pleasuring you.

“A woman who can guide you with sounds or one word responses is preferred as it takes away the guess work,” says Paget. “Just remember to avoid acting like a sexual traffic cop!”

Men want someone who will leave the lights on and let him get a good look at her. Stop worrying about covering up any squishy parts.

“Indirect lighting is Hollywood's best friend and it can be yours as well,” says Paget.

“Need I repeat that men are visual creatures and they want to see their partner? It's a big part of their turn-on factor.”

Sex on the brain
A woman who keeps sex in the forefront of her thoughts knows how to inject it into life outside the bedroom -- and that's sexy. Try sexting him or be extra naughty and playful in public.

“Do it in a discreet way,” say Paget. “Let your partner know that you're thinking about sex throughout the day. Remember, your brain is your sexual power source.”

Flair for fantasy
A man craves someone who will listen to his fantasies -- and tell him hers.

“Many men are scared to share their fantasies as their partner may react by saying, 'You have got to be kidding, that's sick,'” says Paget.

“You don't need to give him his exact fantasy but instead try negotiating how you'd both like to feel during the fantasy. Create your own scenario together.

Guys want someone who sometimes initiates sex but also lets him “be the man”.

“It's in a man's DNA to be the caretaker, which also translates into the bedroom,” says Dr. Sadie Allison, America's Pleasure Coach and author of Ride 'Em Cowgirl! Sex Position Secrets for Better Bucking,

“So while most men love to be in charge, always being the initiator can get old. It's hot when a woman takes control and shows him that she wants him.

"It's actually every man's fantasy to surrender for just a little while!”

Dirty talk
Men love hearing a play-by-play of what's happening during sex -- or what you want to happen next.

“What men see, hear and feel are direct lines to the 'other brain,'” says Allison.

“Dirty talk is just another fun way to arouse your man. It also turns them on psychologically because men are super attracted to women who are sexually uninhibited.”

Accepting all of him
Swallowing his love juice may seem gross to you but to a guy it means that you accept all of him -- so do it!

“Primordial programming says the come goes inside,” says Allison. “Double his pleasure with the visual of oral sex and letting his man juices melt inside of you.”

A massage
What guy doesn't want a woman who gives great… massages? And not just the sexual sort, though they can be very erotic. Men want to feel good all over, just like you do.

“Touch is a basic human desire,” says Allison. “Sensual or not, it can be one of the greatest gifts a person can receive. Touching all over usually leads to something more fun anyway.”

Want him grateful and amazed?
“A woman willing to touch and please herself in front of her man is confident in herself,” says Allison. “If you feel like a sexy woman you'll create a steamy display that any man would want to bask in.”

This is a huge turn-on for guys because it shows that you're willing to share a very intimate act for his viewing pleasure.

You might think, why waste money on lingerie that's just going to get crumpled up in a ball and tossed on the floor in two seconds? But men are visual and seeing the present they are about to unwrap is important to them!

“A guy likes the 'for his eyes only' component of this, with the sneak peak of your body being a total turn-on,” says Yvonne K. Fulbright, Ph.D., author of Sultry Sex Talk to Seduce Any Lover.

“Unwrapping you also boosts his ego because he knows you are like a gift, and all his.”

Necessary roughness
Men don't always want sex to be sweet, loving or romantic. Sometimes he wants it to be a little rough and dirty -- it isn't always about the emotional connectedness between you.

“He loves feeling desired,” says Fulbright. “He also loves that somebody is helping to fuel that dirty little mind of his!”

Are you the girl who needs everything to be “just right” before you can do it? Or are you willing to pull over to a roadside motel and “just do it”?

“The spontaneity fuels his libido given the sense of abandon,” says Fulbright. “He also likes the unknown of what could happen, and the novelty factor drives up dopamine in his brain.”

Sex drive
No one is always in the mood, but the more effort you make, the more you'll end up wanting it.

“He'll be endeared that you want to please him, as this will make him feel loved and important,” says Fulbright. “He'll also be impressed that you like to occasionally take one for the team and sometimes he'll be the one to make it all about you.”

A guy with a strong libido wants a woman who can keep up!

A home-body
Instead of planning a trip out on the town, make your bedroom the destination for a weekend -- we're talking no breaks except to order takeout!

“He's going to like that he can just relax and not worry about coordinating anything or traveling,” says Fulbright. “He'll also appreciate the opportunity to see your bedroom in a whole new light.”

Moves like jagger
Whether it's a certain position or a way that you finish him off, make up a signature move that's all about him -- even name it after him! He wants to feel like he's the only guy in your world, and this is a great way to let him know that.

“He likes the special treatment and that it's your own special thing and not something that you've shared with someone else,” says Fulbright.

Orgasmic potential
Don't fake it -- but if he makes you feel good do let him know, and do it expressively.

“He likes that others can possibly overhear your pleasure, which reflects well on him,” says Fulbright. “He also gets off on hearing that you're getting off!”

Contrary to what you may think, a guy's biggest pleasure is knowing that he pleased you.