My husband cheated on me for nine years

By - By Eric Orji
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Dear LoveThing,
I've just discovered that my husband has been having an affair for nine years and taking our three children on holiday with his mistress through this time. I met my husband as a teenager and he's been the only man in my life. We are in our thirties now and have been married for 12 years with two daughters. I was totally shocked to get a phone call a month ago from a woman telling me she's been having an affair with my husband for the last nine years. She even blamed me for the fact that he's also been seeing another woman. When I tackled him he denied it and said he was being setup.

Then our daughter called him a liar and told me the whole story; that he's taken our children on holiday with her and her kids for years. He is now living with her. He comes around and asks me for another chance but when I agree he says he still loves her and needs to see her too. So I tell him it's all off.

Her children throw mud at my windows and I now realise why there have been taxis turning up in the night and strange phone calls.

My husband admits he knew it was this woman but was frightened to tell me. I can't get him to see how evil she is. She even tells people our children aren't his. I try not to blame the kids for covering up for him but I feel he has destroyed their trust in other people too. I have finally had enough and for the last couple of weeks I have not allowed my husband into the house or to see our younger daughter. He is bad-tempered and the kids don't know what to do. This woman has ruined everything for us. —-

**I cannot believe that after discovering that your whole marriage has been a lie, you have taken him back previously, even though he still loved his mistress. You must have “mug” written all over you, and although I am being harsh, please wake up and look at the situation. I can understand you being heartbroken about your husband betraying you and leaving you for this other woman after your 12 years of marriage, but that doesn't mean you take him back!

Obviously, if he knows that you are that easy to win back, then he isn't going to stop cheating on you. Especially if you were naive enough (or maybe plain stupid enough) not to realise that he was having a nine year long affair. You need to toughen up.

My twin has stolen my man twice!

Dear LoveThing,
I always thought I could trust my twin sister with anything. But a few months ago she had a fling with my then boyfriend while I was off on holiday. I dumped him, but forgave her. ow I've got a new man - but have just discovered that she's been seeing him behind my back! I can't understand why she'd do this to me again. Do I let her get away with it a second time?

**This isn't a question of 'letting your sister' get away with it'. Because it seems to me that there's some deep reason why she's behaving so badly. As you say, up to now you've been very close, very loyal to each other. What on earth is going on? So although it's tempting to shout, scream and blame, and though your sister certainly needs to know how hurt and upset you feel, that isn't the answer. The answer, and the only way to get this sorted out, is to find out what changed between you. So sit her down and ask her.

Is it down to jealousy, is it that she feels inferior to you, is it that she thinks you feel superior to her? Until you understand all this and sorted the underlying problem you can't be sure this won't happen again. One further thing, it's not just your sister; it's your boyfriends who are out of order. And while it's not your problem that you're making bad choices of partner, you'll get a lot further by choosing a man who loves you for yourself, not one who is just after a good time! So think carefully before you start on your next relationship.

I was dumped with a text message

Dear LoveThing,
I recently met a guy who seemed really keen on me. We dated a couple of times and got on well. Then, with no warning, I was dumped via a test message. He said he couldn't see me anymore as he has 'baggage'. This sort of thing doesn't normally bother me but this time it's different, I really liked him. A close male friend of mine has asked me to think about him and me getting together. I'm really confused. What should I do?

**What a charmer your text message boyfriend is. I think you're well shot of him, don't you? At least he dumped you sooner rather than later, but that doesn't mean that it isn't a bitter blow. We rarely meet people we click with so it's always upsetting when things suddenly go wrong. If he rematerialises in the future, which is quite likely, please don't go there. You already know he's a duplicitous coward and there's probably more of the same where that came from. As to this male friend who has put his hat into the ring, well, you're not really interested, are you?

You're only confused because you're dealing with one rejection and one acceptance. Don't mix them up. Keep him as a friend. You need your friends at a time like this.

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