BITTER TRUTH ON MARRIAGE (Part 18) Married Woman
The people who stir up a conflict sometimes are children. Once they understand your point of disagreement, they can take advantage of it.
“Dad, can I have the key to the car? Mummy says I can drive it out”. The man explodes.
“Honey! How can you tell a child that he can drive the car? What kind of a woman are you?”
But she didn't really put it that way. He only asked her “Can teenagers drive cars?” and she said “Yes, if they have a license”. He didn't ask “Can I drive a car?” Now, he has gone out to say “Mum says...”
Stimulate a man's mind, emotion and ego. One of the greatest problems in marriages that have exceeded 10 years is that the partners no longer know how to stimulate each other's emotion, mind and ego” The woman now says “Well, after all, we are married. Who else do you look at?” So, she dresses carefreely.
Give the man what he wants. Do not just notice his good qualities. Mention them. Don't go boasting to your friends “My husband is a good man.” But when you are in his presence, you don't tell him. Say things like “Joe! You didn't even call me today. You don't call me. I want to hear your voice.” Give the man a positive feedback. Focus on areas where the guy is trying.
Increase the pleasant memories he has. Maybe, it's that pleasant memory that will protect him one day when he is in the zone of temptation. The fact that a man is married does not mean that he will not face temptation. He will face financial and sexual temptation. What may protect him is the pleasant memories he took from his home and his commitment to you. Ask about his need. Ask him “What do you need?” Ask and make him feel fulfilled. Remind him of what he has done to bring joy since you married him. Surely, something about him has made you joyful. Maybe, it is children he brought into your life or the fact that he helped you when you were going through your own education or he was the one working, encouraging you and picking the children. Maybe he took the time to help your younger ones or your parents. Surely, he did something. Let him know you value those things.
Deacon ALBINUS CHIEDU
Coordinator, MARRIAGE CAN WORK PROJECT
...TO BE CONTINUED (Questions Are Welcome)