I'm Not Ready For A Relationship

Dear Nana Ama,

I am a lady of 25 years and have just completed the university.

I have a lot of male friends who have also completed the university. Some have proposed to marry me and since I am a Christian, I pray about it and tell them when I am not at peace in my heart that I am not convinced it is any of them.

Nana Ama, please, I want the will of God to be done in my life concerning my relationship. Friends keep telling me that I should be in a relationship but honestly speaking, I’m not ready for one.

Nana Ama, please what should I do?

Akosua,
Tema.

Dear Akosua,

If you believe that you are not ready for a relationship now, don’t allow anyone to stampede you into one.

Today many young people are expected by their peers to have a boy friend or girl friend from a very early age and if they do not, they may be seen to be failing. Simply because everybody else does it, does not mean you have to do it too.

Marriage is for mature people (not boys and girls) who are independent, both in finance and moral responsibility.

When we are young especially, our emotions, sometimes mere infatuation based on physical attraction, may blur our judgement and we can become convinced that we have found the right person and rush into marriage.

A number of people deceive themselves into thinking that physical attraction to someone is enough and that other difficulties will be overcome after they are married.

I do agree that physical attraction makes up part of the marriage bond but this must not take priority over character and other aspects of relationships.

For some others too, the fear of being “left on the shelf,” coupled with the attendant stigma, have made them desperate to marry someone.

There are several cases of people who have, through impulsive decisions, entered into sad and even dangerous relationships.

Since marriage is a life-long institution, it needs to be entered into cautiously, after careful consideration. I believe you have so far not met anyone you love and are looking for, hence the rejection of all those you have come into contact with you so far.

You indicated that you have been praying about it. If that is so, I’ll say continue to pray and when that person appears, you will just know it.

Talk to your pastor or experienced and mature Christians who know you quite well, to help you through some of the difficult decisions you may be called upon to make as you wait.