The question of "must l pay her bills when we are dating? , Must l give him "chop money" for her up keep or must we have sex when we are courting?" Keep lingering on the minds of many people in relationship.
I am sure as you read this piece, you might have been caught in the web too.
Even though there May be several schools of taught with regards to the issues under consideration, l am strongly of the view that a man or woman is not under any obligation to give "chop money" to the partner when they are dating.
In our African context, housekeeping money known in our local parlance as chop money is given by men to the wives for the up keep of the house. These monies are used for the preparation of food and supporting of the children and other members. Depending on the prevailing situation, it could be given monthly, weekly or daily. Men are mostly obliged to give out the money while the women also under obligation to manage the little that they have been given.
The question is when we are dating or in a relationship, are the dynamics the same? The answer is NO. You have your independent life. Live it. You do not live your life and expect someone to pay the bills. You must not expect a man who is not legally your husband to be giving you chop money. What for?. Some schools of taught suggest that you will only know the man can take care of you when he is doing that during the relationship times. It is always not the case. He may be giving you the money just to win your attention and after getting what he wants the dynamics may change.
Now why should you expect a man to be giving you "chop money" and not have sexual access to you. One thing leads to the other.
Instead of looking at his ability to give you chop money, to determine whether he is caring or not, why not use that period to determine whether you can live an independent life financially even when you get married.
This is not to say that one should not take care of someone he or she love but my advice is that you do that as a love philanthropist without tiring the strings of the sustainability of the relationship to those benevolent acts. Take care of him or her but don't say he or she "chop your money and dumped you".
Young people should focus on living independent lives and building solid foundations for their relationship other than staying in the primitive ideologies of sex, chop money and six packs.
Author and Youth Coach