There comes a time when we get tired from all the flirting, dating and hooking up. Love takes hard work. Relationships are complicated. And people are wired to do anything that's convenient and exciting.
While we enjoyed all these casual pursuits, they do not satisfy the need for another basic human need: meaningful companionship.
The more we mess around, the more we crave for sincere, human affection that we could not find in a crazy spin-around. We want to settle down in a meaningful relationship, and hopefully, build long-term plans with someone special.
Maybe you want to get married. Have kids. Share dog custody with. Settling down brings so many life-long potentials. It has all the excitements of flirting, dating and hooking up but with the same person you truly love.
If you have the same sentiments, then it is time to approach dating a bit differently. Retiring from casual situationships is good and easy. I've compiled some tips that can help you transition smoothly to a more serious dating scene:
#1 Know what you like in a partner
First thing's first: You need to be clear with what you are looking for in a life-long mate.
It's a sea of potential partners out there. You wouldn't want to waste your time fishing for men/women and throwing them back to the sea. When you have a list of your ideal man/woman, it will be easier to filter and find the one.
Do you like someone who's hardworking, kind, and respectful? Someone who is good with kids? Understands your inside jokes? Shares mentally-stimulating conversations? A pet lover?
Go ahead and jot them down. The more specific you can get, the easier it'll be to sieve the masses. Then, take a look at your list and erase qualities that are not values-based. Erase things you wrote like “has 6 pack abs” or “has nice, dreamy eyes”. These are superficial qualities that do not make up a solid relationship foundation.
Put emphasis on the values and goals you care about. When you share the same values and goals with a person, your relationship has a strong chance of withstanding tides and time. Physical attributes are just bonuses!
#2 Internalize from your list
This is the tricky part. Evaluate yourself from the ideals you jot down. If you are looking for someone good with kids, do YOU like kids? If you are particular with being faithful, are YOU faithful?
You can't go around and look for these qualities in another person if you are not doing them first. As mentioned, it is very important to find someone who shares the same values with you.
It will be unfair if you are expecting your partner to be religious when you aren't even god's fan. His/her religious inclination may stir resentments or spite later on, which you could've prevented beforehand.
But as you move forward with someone in a relationship, it is a good thing being proactive and showing openness to learn from your partner's character differences. After all, every relationship is a give and take process.
#3 Be clear with your intentions upfront
When you're clear with what you are looking for in a partner, it is time to get out and meet people. Find your partner on Match 4me for a headstart.
Remember your list. Don't accept dates from someone who doesn't tick the boxes or share the same goals with you.
Be clear upfront that you are looking for something serious. This way, you can easily attract people who are after the same long-term potentials.
Avoid getting swooned by those beautiful eyes and think to yourself, “They do not meet my standards, but maybe once I get to know them, they have qualities I didn't know I'd want.” My friends, you wouldn't want to get in this hellhole.
You may get stuck developing feelings for someone who's not ready for commitment. Or, you may be spending time pushing yourself to see the good in someone while you're missing out on your perfect match. Either way is a recipe for disaster.
#4 Take things slow
Lasting relationships take time to grow and develop. It is not fast and easy.
After years of messing around or being single, you might want to jump into a relationship sooner than you should. You're cutting short the most important, initial phase of knowing them deeply. Just as long as he/she meets your criteria, you're ready to commit. This shouldn't be the case.
Don't dash through finding the one. Even if the person matches your long list of standards, you still need to know them better. Most people are lovingly attractive on the first few months of dating before their true colors show up. They may have quirks or manners you can't stand.
Instead of focusing immediately on someone, try exploring your options. Meet more people and go on a couple of dates. Take things slow and know them well before selecting a potential partner.
#5 Keep looking
Meeting the right person is not a competition. If you're lucky, you'll meet him/her after a few dates. If not, keep looking and don't give up.
Your future husband or wife is not likely the first person you end up with after retiring from the casual dating scene. It can be someone from your second serious relationship, third, and so forth.
Regardless of how your relationships turn out, take the lessons and keep searching. You may need to re-evaluate your list, put in some work, or follow your gut more. To love and be loved is enough of a consolation you can take away as you move forward.
Our casual or single years may be fun and exciting, but even the wild life can be boring. Once you've decided you want a mature and more serious relationship, you may feel weird settling on the serious dating scene. But your getaway from this all will be the love of your life, a stable relationship, and a happily ever after. Isn't these worth a try?
Find your partner on Match 4me or for a more exciting affair or adventure, visit Second Love. Good luck finding the one!