An Apology Letter To ME

Dear ME:
I, first of all, want to say, with tears in my eyes...

I am truly sorry.
I am extremely sad and disheartened that I have not loved you enough in my days. Lessons in life have taught you a great deal. Great deals that have put you through so much. You have been hurt… you have disappointed… you have been judged and you have been shattered severally into broken pieces I cannot count. I know this hurt and pain have overshadowed the glitters of promising love that has come your way. I am so sorry that it got a part of you

Pain and hurts can be ironic and amusing at the same time.

You just don’t know from where it would come this time. People play with your emotions, sometimes, like it was a baseball game. It doesn’t matter if you’re hurt or not… deal with it, your mind tells your heart, every day. No one deserves to be hurt this much. Sweet me, I want you to know that whatever the groaning or grieving you experiencing now, be it the loss of a loved one, or a version of yourself you never wanted to become, or even the disappointment that made you sick all the time… just know that,

It’s an undefined emotion, a shadow of itself.

Yeah, you feel the urge to fast yourself to death, you want to throw up and curse the world goodbye. This hurt is just so heavy to carry. You think it’s just a fling that would go. But no! It's growing even deeper. You scream your ass out, but there is just no one listening. It's like you're all alone. The migraines won't go, the shivering worsens, and your body is so tired of living life again.

This emotion won't go.

It takes over your whole mind and consummates your soul and turns it into something else. People say your new names out loud… oh, heartless one… oh, inconsiderate one… oh wicked one. And on… but no one really cares about what went on in there. You made you, my mind battles with my heart. You tell yourself can't love anymore.

The real deal:
It definitely hurts to be hurt, and surprisingly enough, it also hurts not to be hurt. Yes… because you know something, sweet Me. All these mixed emotions make you UNIQUE.

I want you to know that you are STRONG, and you can be a better version of yourself. Don’t let the hurt determine your BEAUTY.

You are YOU, no ONE can be YOU.

So please stop the fault blaming to protect you from hurting. I need you because you are my best companion and ally.

I am sorry for not seeing you for you.
I am sorry for not loving again.
I am sorry for turning my back on you.
Indeed, I am extremely sorry for letting my hurt take the best version of myself.

I really hope one day you will embrace me for me.
I want you to know that I appreciate you and I love you more than anything in the world, of course after my love for God.

We will make ourselves proud one day and the whole world will applaud us for being us.

Love,
Cath.
Image source: brainline.org