Rape: Modesty Is A Personal Choice

The problem with controlling the way women dress in an effort to control the predatory responses of other people is that clothing itself is not the problem.

We are, as a society, conditioned to see women as objects. Their bodies – however modestly wrapped – are already over-sexualized even as young teens. This means that whenever we see a woman who bares her legs, cleavage, or even her collarbones, we reduce them automatically to objects rather than multifaceted human beings. We forget their humanity in the process.

The double standard is that our male counterparts are rarely, if ever, as scrutinized for being a “distraction” or reduced to anything less than human if they dare to bare their bodies. In general, women are far more policed when it comes to clothing not just in schools but in society as a whole.

Equating female modesty with a character means that women are taken less seriously as human beings due to their perceived lack of modesty. Their intelligence and accomplishments are frequently obscured by judgment cast on their clothing choices, whereas men can wear what they like while still having the “luxury” of being seen as full-fledged human beings.

In addition, let’s not forget that some women’s bodies are seen as “inherently problematic” – especially bodies that are curvier or voluptuous. These bodies are often unfairly judged by society to be lewd or vulgar regardless of what clothing women wear.

Women who are curvier tend to be more shamed for wearing clothes that might otherwise be seen as “elegant” on someone with different body shape.

“The modesty doctrine isn’t about clothes, it’s about bodies. It’s a method for punishing women who do not conform to an idealized, asexual, inoffensive body type…When I was rebuked for my clothing as a teenager, it was often identical to the clothing all the other girls were wearing. The only difference was that I had ‘developed’ first. The modesty doctrine defines some bodies as inherently problematic.

It is clear that this “modesty doctrine” can feed into a victim-shaming culture that continues to let the perpetrators off the hook while blaming the victims. Responses from women themselves are a representation of another problem – internalized misogyny.

Female victims of assault are usually told they were to blame – and thus they internalize this as self-blame. Rather than looking more closely at the institutions and beliefs which give rise to the idea that victims are responsible for their own rapes, we are taught that we have to “own” our part of the problem.

Self-blame and internalized misogyny perpetuate the idea of the mythological “perfect victim” which simply does not exist. There is no way to truly avoid being a victim because anyone, at any time, under any circumstances, including the people you trust – could be a potential predator.

As women, we are often pitted against each other to compete and shame each other (and of course, this is how the patriarchy continues to be reinforced). There is an illusion that being the quintessential “good girl” protects us from heinous violations, despite the fact that a majority of rape victims are actually assaulted by someone they know and usually trust. Rape has nothing to do with a victim’s behavior or manner of dress.

This illusion of safety created by victim-shaming only creates a more dangerous society in which predators are rarely held accountable and victims are fearful of speaking out.

Now, should we treat women as independent agents, responsible for themselves? Of course. But being responsible has nothing to do with being raped. Women don’t get raped because they were drinking or took drugs. Women do not get raped because they weren’t careful enough. Women get raped because someone raped them.

It’s about time that we start respecting women’s decisions about what they wear and stop using the ideals of modesty to control their sexuality or sexual agency.

Rape happens because of rapists rape, period. People are “distracted” by revealing clothing because of societal conditioning that has us equating women’s clothing to character – a phenomenon that rarely happens when men wear revealing clothing. The way women dress is more heavily scrutinized because they have been objectified and sexualized. It is because there is a need for society to see women as human beings and honor their complexity. This is a product of the patriarchy and it needs to be reexamined, not reinforced.

Women’s bodies don’t exist to please anyone. Women don’t exist to dress for or cater to what society wants them to be. Whatever your opinions on clothing choices may be, let’s agree on one thing: women should have the right to choose how to represent themselves on their own terms and they should not be blamed for being victimized.

Rather than making women bear the burden of other people’s responses to their bodies or clothing, it’s time to start dismantling some of the sick societal conditioning and double standards that have kept victims of assault and harassment silent for centuries.

Image source: thoughtcatalog.com