Dealing With Childless Marriages

Children are precious gifts of God and our expressions of our love. They enrich our lives and provide line of lineage to sustain humanity.

Children are also status symbol in Ghana and all married adults are expected to have children. In the past, the greater the number of children you had, the higher the respect you earned in the society.

It is also a fact that in Ghana children are the focus of marriage. Marriages without children are, therefore, seen as a bad omen and prone to failure. In fact in the past adults who did not have children were deemed to have blocked the line of lineage. They were, therefore, not given good burials in the hope that their souls would not return to the earth.

All couples therefore love to have children. Unfortunately about 5 -10 per cent of couples may have problems no matter how hard they try. Some are born not to enjoy pregnancy and childbirth.

Causes of childlessness
Studies show men account for 40 per cent of the problems with infertility. Their major problems include impotency, ejaculatory disorders, inability to produce sperms, low sperm count and defective sperms.

Women also account for 40 per cent of the problem. Their major problems include inability to produce ova, blockage of fallopian tubes, unsafe abortion and fibroid.

The rest are unexplained or unexpected. There are some cases in which partners are unable to have children but when they separate each is able to have children. Some call it sexual incompatibility.

If problem of childlessness is equally shared by men and women how come almost all Ghanaian men are fathers?

Effect of childlessness
Unfortunately in Ghana, it is the woman who suffers most even when she is not the problem. She is constantly under stress, frustration and disappointment. She loses respect and may be ridiculed. She is always tense and sorrowful.

Ghanaian men simply refuse to accept that they could be the problem and the women in their desperation from social pressures have been forced to help their men to bring in children from outside.

Childlessness causes constant fights, misunderstanding and suspicion in the marriage. Sex becomes mechanical and unfulfilling. The risk of being sterile can be a heavy burden. The woman risk divorce and in some cases gets rivals.

How to deal with childlessness
Childlessness is hard to accept. The first step is to build a positive image of your marriage. Fear will worsen your problem. Do not blame each other or assume suspicious attitude. Both must cooperate fully.

It is also important you avoid fake pastors or jujumen who will convince you that your problem is caused by witches or evil forces.

A couple is assumed to have problems if after two years of regular and active sexual life, there is no pregnancy.

It is, therefore, advisable that you have regular sex. Also appreciate the fact that some women with short or irregular menstrual periods may ovulate during menses. It may, therefore, be advisable to have sex even during their period. There is nothing wrong with it.

• Every woman is unique. Seek advice and know your body well. Today apart from the four common theories on Fertility Awareness Methods, recent studies appear to suggest that there are specific days in the year in which a woman in her fertility period can be pregnant. Know your days and act accordingly.

• Avoid herbal concoctions that are not certified by specialists. Most will worsen your condition. Instead, seek medical attention.

Today surgery, hormone treatment and Assisted Reproductive Technology have reduced childlessness but their success depends on factors such as age, health status of couples and even luck.

You may adopt or have surrogate.

• If all attempts fail, couples should accept their condition and stay strong. Knowing that you can never have children is not easy but denying it actually hurts more.

• Take interest in other people’s children in the neighbourhood, social organisation and church. They will benefit from your time and your interest.

Parenthood is not about biology but about love and care. As you show care and love you become a true model of parenthood.

• You may also develop new interest and get involved in activities like sports club, music and travel to meet people with kids. It helps you to blend in instead of alienating yourself from the rest of society.

• Never think that God does not love you. Instead He has given you what in His perfect plan, is the best for you.

Today we hear of children butchering their parents. God knows your end from the beginning and may be saving you from tragic things you may not know of. If you learn to accept your situation, others will accept you.

If you don’t have kids, you have each other. Cherish and deepen the love you share. Children are visitors who will come and go. No doubt studies show childless couples in later life, have higher levels of social participation than older couples who are parents.

The love you share with or without children is the only key to a happy marriage.