For a woman romance is very important indicator of the health of a relationship. A woman in love continually looks for verbal, written and behavioural evidence that she is loved, treasured and listened to.
She loves hugging, non-sexual touching, conversation, compliments, spontaneity and social gathering. Unfortunately, the Ghanaian woman never sees a lasting romance in her Ghanaian lover especially in long relationships like marriage. The reason is simple. The Ghanaian man is a hunter and a zoo keeper.
Ghanaian man as a hunter.
A good hunter does all he can to capture his prey. If he has to go to the thick forest deep in the night, stand still for hours, crawl on his belly, he will do so.
In the same way, a Ghanaian man will do all it takes to capture his woman. He will give plenty of gifts. He will patiently wait and visit on end. He will call often and send mails. He gives the woman no breathing space as he keeps his foot on the pedal.
It is also known that a Ghanaian woman will run away from a potential lover whether she likes him or not. If she is not interested she will flee for her dear life.
If she is interested, she still runs but just hard enough to be captured. She plays hard to get. A Ghanaian man on a hunt for a woman is therefore in a very exciting adventure.
After a capture the hunter bundles his kill into a cocoa sack. After his capture, he puts his woman into a cage and becomes a zoo keeper.
The zoo keeper
After the hunt, the man loses his motivation to do the same things he used to capture his woman. In his mind he thinks that if the little things like the fun and simple activities please her then he must do even greater things to impress her.
He shifts to his natural self. First as a man he suppresses his emotion.
In Ghana, a man is expected to be strong and not show emotions. Akans say. "Barima nsu" or a man does not weep.
He loves his wife but hardly shows it. He sees her lovely hair do, beautiful dress and make up and pretends not to notice anything. He tends to separate his behaviour from his emotions. He believes that by suppressing his emotions he makes himself unpredictable and in control of the relationship.
A zoo keeper is merely concerned with the physical welfare of his animals. In a similar way after marriage, the Ghanaian man shifts his attention to his work because for him success at work makes him a better lover.
His focus is to put food on the table and take good care of his wife. As a zoo keeper he finds great emotional fulfillment as he pays for domestic bills, buys things for his lover and gives her a comfortable home. This is what he sees as romance.
The woman gets frustrated because the man finds no time for her. His initial lovely behaviours and words fade. The woman gets worried, jealous, lonely and insecure. She nags and asks if the man still loves her. He in turn gets angry and complains she does not appreciate all he does for her.
A man wants to take credit for his woman's happiness. If a woman complains, a man feels he is a failure. He decides to work harder to bring more home. The more you complain, the more you make him feel unworthy and the more he is likely to ignore you.
One of the commonest complaints marriage counsellors get goes like this: "He was so loving in our early days. He was patient with me. He spoke and wrote lovely words. Now he seems not to notice me. He has no time for me." In all these cases the man acted as a hunter then as zoo keeper.
Ghanaian women must appreciate work is very important to a man. He wants to put his work first and be successful before he can be a good leader and provide for the physical and emotional needs of his wife.
Asking him to show his early romantic ways is like asking him to climb down the ladder. He must focus on his work and provide for you. This to him is romance.
Learn to appreciate what he does for you. Be his cheer leader. The interest you show in his work and the encouragement you give makes him a better love.
Men must appreciate that for a woman nothing is more important than the affection and the companionship you give her. Whatever you gain for her could be useless if it destroys the health of the relationship.
Take your work seriously but take your marriage more seriously because it is the most important human investment.
Happily a study made in the 500 most successful men in America showed almost all of them had long and happy marriages.
They made quality time to connect emotionally with their spouses. A happy marriage promotes success in your work and if you are happy in your work your marriage is enhanced. The advice to Ghanaian men is simple. Don't be a hunter or a Zoo keeper. Be a sweet lover your woman dreams to have and let your love last a lifetime.
Credit: John Boakye/The Mirror