[For now the weeds and bushes blocked my sight, I run through the dark. Alone and weary until the sunflowers took me]
“No Gregory! You will never understand how I feel.”
He stood and watched her weep like a child, her nightgown from last night coated in fresh blood and his heart dampened at the mere thought of he not being able to console her, his wife, his confidant.
Everything was fine last night, they finally had a great time together in a long time. He reached out to hold her but she crawled away from him as if he were her nightmare.
“Please leave, I want to be alone.”
She watched the man who loved her unconditionally as he hesitantly stood away from her and left, she couldn’t bear to make him see her like this. She had always been strong, the perfect wife until the miscarriage set in. She took the first and second quite easy but after the third and fourth miscarriage, she couldn’t take it any longer. She started to shut everyone out.
They had been married for just 6 years and today her fifth miscarriage totally changed her. Something died in her. She tried to seek comfort from him but her heart had suddenly grown so cold, she just needed herself now.
Gregory stared at the passing waves as his eyes went blind with tears, thinking about his current situation and how it was killing him slowly. How did his wife get like this? How did their marriage light die down in just 6 years?
Alice had been like a hallucination when he first set eyes on her; she was beautiful, strong outside but fragile within and her eyes were full of so much passion and determination. Right there he knew she was the one who could make him the complete man he wanted to be. Well not until now.
[[I brew with sadness, at the mere thought of not having you by my side, of not having me around to wipe away your muddy prints.]]
“Its positive Greg, it’s positive.”
Alice was shaking as he watched her, it had been 6 months of hell already especially with what he had found out, but he had to be strong for her, for them.
“I told you honey, we would surely become parents.”
Alice melted down to her knees as he embraced her, that very day they had both shared tears and joy and shock in such a long time.
That very afternoon they had both decided to spend their Saturday going for a long walk. Gregory never liked the idea of walking in the burning cruel sun but what choice did he have? His union baby mama wanted it, she craved for it actually. He had been spending 8months going up and down like an errand slave.
“Gregory, I need a burger”
“Honey, its 4am where I’m I going to get you a burger?”
“McDonalds would be opened by now Greg”
“But….wait…. there’s no McDonalds in Ghana”
“Are you calling me a liar now?”
“No babe, it’s just that Mc…”
“So get me a McDonald’s burger GREG!”
He couldn’t believe the task he had been assigned to this very morning. He reluctantly stood up and got dressed hoping to miraculously find a McDonalds around.
“I hope you don’t ask me to get you a bucket of snow after this” he murmured angrily to himself.
“Did you say something honey.”
“Nop, will bring you your burger in a bit.”
[[No matter how marriage would seem, I guess it’s you I would like to spend my entire life arguing with]]
“CANCER? that’s impossible Greg, you can’t have cancer”
He watched as she walked back and forth passed the room trying to get a grip of her anger.
“Why didn’t you tell me? You found out about this six months ago and you couldn’t even tell me, your wife. How could you be so selfish Greg? I share everything with you and you couldn’t share something important as this with me?”
“SELFISH? Did you just call me selfish? Oh let me guess, you always had my back after our fifth miscarriage six months ago or maybe you even cared to ask how I was doing. I tried to reach out to you Alice, I tried to talk to you, but what did you do? You pushed me away every single time because you felt you were the only one going through something difficult at that point and no one understood you. Do you have any idea how I felt fighting this alone, having a wife who felt only her life mattered? Yet I loved you unconditionally, through my unstable health I made sure you were happy and today what do I get? A nagging wife telling me I'm selfish."
“Did you just call me a nagging wife?”
“See? It’s always about you, always about how you feel, always about what happens to you, you are just unbelievable Alice”
Her heart was breaking, deep down she realised how unfair she had been to the very man who treated her with so much love and respect even with her flaws, and now here he was dying slowly, and angry at her.
“I’m….I’m sorry, I haven’t been the best of wives, and I haven’t been around all because I thought of myself and no one else. I love you Greg, I just can’t imagine life without you, and today I just realized my worst nightmare is really manifesting into reality.
“Its fine Alice, we can fight this together, no matter what you are my wife, it’s you I had always wanted to be with and nothing can change that. I understand you’ve been through a lot but we are married . Alice, we are one, what affects you affects me, what makes you happy makes me happy, it’s never a singular person but us”
[[With this ring I hold you close. With this ring I cry with you. With this ring I live with you. With this ring we both shall sail through.]]
She stood next to his grave as she placed a handful of fresh sunflowers next to his name. It had been a year already since she lost the one man she loved so much.
A year since she lost her baby to Anaemia. They both had the chance to spend only 3 months with the little lad. They both stuck together to lick their wounds after losing their first ever baby who had the chance to escape and see a bit of light. It hadn’t been easy but they sailed through it, and they both held each other’s hands in unity as Greg took his last breath after 5 months.
[[Love is still beautiful through tragedy. Beautiful only if you understand it]]
Stephanie Ackah Blay