Dear single ladies praying for marriage out there, it is my prayer that you don’t get consumed by stupidity and childishness like me when your prayers are finally answered.
I used to be a beautiful bubbly air hostess before I met my husband; I wasn’t the “all over the place” kind of lady but I had my job taking me across the globe, meeting great and influential people alongside juicy allowances which made me very comfortable. My parents feared that my independence might seem threatening to men, make me uninterested in marriage or make me appear sort of “over qualified” for marriage.
Well truth is I wasn’t considering marriage until I met Clinton on one of my flight duties. He was extremely charming and had a sense of humor; he appeared matured in our conversation and that persuaded me to exchange cards with him. Whenever I was on holidays, we would go on several dates and spent quality time together. Oh! Did I mention that he was very financially stable? Oh he had the money and didn’t mind how or who spent it. He even gave me one of his credit cards after our 5th date and that to me was quite trusting of him.
Before I realized we were engaged and right in the blink of an eye, we were married. Clinton came to one night after we made love and convinced me to be a stay at home wife. His reason being that, he wasn’t seeing much of me at home and that made him miss me so much. He emphasized on how he didn’t want to ever cheat on me and how he was eager to start a family. He said that he had more than enough to cater for the both of us and our future kids for more than 60 years (I didn’t doubt that). The silliest thing that made me give in was when he said, he’d like my face to be the first he’d see every day by his side and not twice every two months. He also added that he needed more time to pamper and treat me like the queen I am.
I finally resigned and settled in my matrimonial home to embrace my new role as the Queen and overall care taker of the house. The first few months were quite okay and my husband seemed happier and satisfied with my regular cooking and physical presence in the house but I wasn’t used to this idle and stagnated kind of life but hey, Anything to keep my man happy right?
Almost a year later, he began losing respect for me. I could no longer question his lateness home or his failure to inform me of his latest “impromptu” business trips because he was likely to over-react and get verbally abusive. Then he started cheating on me with other working class women he met on a daily basis and if I dared complain about it, he would seize both of my car keys, refuse to give me money for upkeep and would stay away from home for two weeks.
Four years later, when I had cleaned out my bank account (because I was a spendthrift), I discovered I was pregnant with our first child. Imagine my horror! I wasn’t even sure if my husband would be excited about it because I personally wasn’t. Now that I had lost my financial independence, I had to depend on my husband for almost everything; from fuel to domestic home supplies I had to ask the man of the house because I had no longer had anything in my name. I was no longer my husband’s friend but an errand girl he occasionally slept with.
Clinton was almost absent throughout the nine month pregnancy journey so I was left to face the depression, pain, mood swings and nausea by myself. Whenever I saw a couple together at my anti-natal care sessions, I would break down. My darling husband was now warming the beds of other working women, a class I used to be a part of. If I dared to raise the topic of wanting to go back to my job, Clinton would literally bark at me like a wild dog.
After seven (7) years I’m now a mother of one who looks ten years older than her age. All I have is a wedding band on my finger and nothing to my name. Still accommodating every hurt and humiliation I’m being subjected to in the name of not wanting to lose my marriage.
To every young woman reading my story, never be persuaded by a man’s attempt to make laziness look juicy to you. If you have a good job or a business going for you, do not resign for the sake of marriage. Unless you’re about to have a baby and you personally decide to take a year or two off work to cater and raise your kids better. If your man tells you to leave your job and be a stay at home wife who gets paid every month please do not give in to that. I’m hoping to regain my strength and voice back so I can get back to being the woman I once was.
There’s nothing more powerful and attractive like a financially independent or a career woman who doubles up as a supportive wife and an incredible mother.