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12 April 2018 | Family & Parenting

Children Are Not Collateral

Counselore Adofoli
Photo credit -Deposit photos
Photo credit -Deposit photos

Children are not something you pledge as a security for marriage, to be forfeited in the event of absence of love yet lots of people do that. Countless people are in shaky marriages because it was a pregnancy which brought about the marriage.

Others are holding on to a relationship which is not going to work because of children. While others are busy with marriage preparation now due to a pregnancy or child. If you are in any of these situations, this is a perfect message for you; if you are not you still need this, going forward.

Thoughts of children become more attractive to couples who are in love, people who have found their soul mates, couples who can't do without the other. Not everyone in a relationship has this kind of feeling.

There is a level in your relationship where the love you have for each other is so deep that you want to have your ‘junior’ at home. It gets deep to the extent that you visualize yourself at home teaching this kid, playing or watching cartoon with at home.

When the love you share gets to that level, having children becomes the best idea which will bring you closer than before. But I must say children are not factors that will keep your relationship together if it’s not meant to be together. Children are not collateral.

Just as an umbrella cannot stop the rain but can make us stand in the rain, so will children not be able to stop a relationship which is not meant to be; children only makes you a baby's dad and mom, not husband and wife.

It's dangerous to tie your heart to someone who has nothing to offer you with excuse that you have a child with them. You might say you are in love, or that he or she is the perfect person for you. All that is not enough to fill your need in love, your need in the marriage.

Such a relationship will be like a prison, you deny yourself peace of mind, freedom of the heart and you live in a lonely world where hurt becomes your companion.

You need to let go no matter how much it hurts today. It will hurt for a while but when you get over it, you will realize it was the best decision.

First get to know your supposed spouse, fall in love, then get married before you start making babies; but don't start making babies with a stranger and when you get to know this relationship is not going to work, you want to use the baby as collateral.

Babies made out of fun are not the same as babies made out of intention.

In conclusion "Your wife will be like a vine with much fruit within your house. Your children will be like olive plants around your table" - Psalm 128:3 (NLV)

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