How To Support A Friend With Mental Illness

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When might there be a problem?
It is in fact quite normal from time to time, to experience all of these different feelings – they are the way we deal with the different events in our lives. One aspect of being ‘mentally healthy’ is being able to overcome the difficulties and stressful events that we can all face at some point – for example:

• Changing schools or taking exams
• Being bullied, left out or experiencing discrimination
• Family breakup or debt
• Leaving home and becoming independent
• Getting a job (or losing one)
• Experiencing a bereavement, traumatic event or loss.

In these situations, difficult feelings such as being anxious, stressed or sad can be seen as the ‘warning signs’ that can tell us that perhaps we need to slow down, or possibly get some advice and support.

It’s when someone is experiencing anxieties or difficult feelings to the extent that they are seriously interfering with their everyday life (e.g. being able to work or study, to eat and sleep as they normally do, to get on with their friends and family) and these feelings are not going away (that is, they last for a few weeks or more), that possibly a mental health disorder is developing. If this is the case, help and advice from a GP or someone trained in mental health may be needed.

Things to look out for
Mental health disorders very rarely come out of the blue. In most cases, there are changes in a person’s behaviour, their mood, their relationships with the people around them and their general involvement in daily life. These changes can be quite subtle and easy to miss. They can happen over a quite short period of time or sometimes they can emerge gradually over a number of months.

Some of the things to look for include the person:

• Being more anxious, irritable or angry than usual
• Not being able to concentrate or take decisions
• Isolating themselves – not seeing their friends, dropping out of school or activities that they previously enjoyed
• Appearing suspicious of friends and family
• Being overly focused on certain things or being a perfectionist
• Not eating or looking after themselves
• Having disrupted sleep – which can mean not being able to sleep, or the opposite, sleeping too much.

Mental health problems are treatable
Many people put off seeking help with mental health problems because they are worried about the stigma that is associated with mental illness. Or they may feel that they are the only one experiencing the difficult feelings, which can make them wonder if the feelings are real. They may be worried that no one will understand and be able to help them.

Mental health disorders are treatable and it’s important to get help as soon as possible because this can help to prevent problems becoming more serious and it can:

• Improve the time it takes for a person to get well
• Reduce the likelihood of the person having a relapse
• Help to minimise the time a person might need to be away from school or college or their job.
• Getting help early can also reduce the chances of someone reaching a crisis point and be so unwell that they cannot be cared for at home but instead, have to be admitted to hospital.

How to help a sibling or friend
Mental health problems are a lot more common in young people than many people realise. National studies have suggested that at any one time, around 10% of young people in the UK have a recognised mental health problem. These studies also highlight the importance of young people getting help early from services that understand the needs of young people and are skilled in working with them.

As a friend or sibling, if you are concerned that someone is developing a mental health problem, there are a number of things you can do to help them which include:

• Encouraging them to talk about how they are feeling
• Listening to them in a non-judgmental, non-critical way
• Taking things at their pace
• Reassuring them that you are taking what they say seriously
• Offering to go with them to get further advice or information.

If your friend or sibling is unwilling to talk, or refuses to seek help and you are worried that they may be some way at risk – for example, if they are talking of harming themselves, if it is obvious that they are not eating or if they seem preoccupied with odd beliefs or ideas, you should explain to them that you need to share your concerns and get some advice from a trusted adult.

This may seem hard to do but many young people report that when a friend does this, it can make them feel more safe and supported.

You can get advice and tips about talking about mental health on the Time to Change website.

For more info on supporting someone and getting support for yourself

It can be upsetting to see a friend or family member when they are unwell. As well as supporting them, it’s very important that you look after your own health too, that you don’t try to do everything yourself or feel responsible for how your friend or relative is feeling.

The websites below provide many different resources including free leaflets and booklets, helplines and interactive sites where you can post questions. In addition to providing information to help your friend or relative, some can offer you support as well.