THE IDIOT’S GUIDE TO MAKING A GHANAIAN MUSIC VIDEO

I have watched with a lot of interest how Ghanaian music videos are made and when a friend wrote about how to make a Nollywood Home Video, I thought It'll be interesting to put together a piece on how to make a hit Ghanaian music video. Trust me, following this guide is your sure way to winning an award at the 4syte Music Video Award.

1. You need two or three young men singing. Two of them must be rappers and one must sing the hook. It doesn't matter whether the voice is good or not. They must sing something and rap something. The songs must always be about women and touching and holding and kissing or doing the thing. (whatever that is) Anything apart from that will not sell. PERIOD.

2. LOCATION, LOCATION, LOCATION…This is one essential aspect of your music video to guarantee your nomination at the Music Video Awards. Your music video must be shot in the nightclub or at the beach. If you're able to acquire a pool side, all the better. If it is a gospel video, then it must be shot in front of a beautiful house.

3. You need certain VERY IMPORTANT props when doing a Ghanaian music video. You need to have a car, a motorcycle, a blackberry, a bottle of Hennesy or Moet and a chair. You must also have dollars in the video to throw around to show the big budget nature of the video. Costume is also a very essential part of making a Ghanaian Music video. You also need sunglasses, leggings, skinny jeans and a blouse that must show a considerable amount of cleavage when worn. The women must wear very short skirts and have a lot of make up on. The lipstick must be red. Any other colour is unacceptable. They must also wear sunglasses that cover almost half of the face. They must wear skinny jeans or miniskirts and dance around the artist or just stand in the video static starring into the camera. When dancing, they must look into the camera and make faces as if something on the set stinks or they're on the brink of experiencing an orgasm.

4. If the artists are men, they must wear skinny jeans and pull the jeans down so that it is an Otto Pfister. Their hair must either be shaved Mohawk style or must be braided. If they have tattoos, they must flaunt it in the video. It defines masculinity.

5. With the advent of Azonto, its is VERY IMPORTANT to have your beats tailored to the dance. There must also be an Azonto display in your music video or it will not sell. PERIOD.

6. When using your props, example a car, the doors must be open and the women must dance around the car. If it is a motorcycle, a woman must stand next to it or better still sit on it.

7. You must have at least five women in your video, the higher number of women in your music video, the better. Their job is to dance around you or behind you when singing. Please note, the lighter their skin, the higher your chances of being nominated for an award. It also enhances the aesthetic value of your video.

8. Your music video directors must either be from Emklan Entertainment, Real House Philms or Phamous People. Any other director is a waste. Their phone numbers must also appear on screen. It is very important.

9. Videos shot in a nightclub must have a lot of women. At least ten to fifteen. The men should have their shirts taken off so that they are bare chested while the women rub their hands over their chests. It makes it sexier and also increases your chances of being nominated.

10. It is also very important to feature Castro or Sarkodie in your music video. Even if they are not singing or rapping, they must be seen doing something, either drinking Hennesy and smooching one of the ladies in the video or just singing the chorus along with you. However, if you manage to get the Hiplife Grandpapa himself to just do a cameo for you, you will definitely win an award at the Music Video awards.

11. The wind must always blow the womens' hair. So make sure you have a big fan on the set to blow the womens' hair. The women must also look into camera and blink so that attention is drawn to the eyelashes. This must be done in slow motion.

12. You must make use of a lot of zooms. The zooms must be about three to four minutes of screen time.

13. The cuts must be sharp and must cut according to the beat of the song. Make use of a lot of slow motion. It adds an emotional effect to the video.

14. The artistes must always have their faces distorted when an extreme close up is taken.

15. Your video must always have shots of women shaking their butts. Please, do not use any slim butt. The butts must carry weight and defy gravity when in motion.

16. Gospel music videos rely heavily on special effects such as chroma key so we see how well the gospel is being propagated. You must always tell a story when doing a gospel music video and so we must see how the antagonist is trying to destroy the protagonist who also happens to be the main artist. We must see a juju man performing some rituals to destroy the protagonist but some light must appear from the skies(which undoubtedly is the power of God needless to say) and destroy the jujuman so that the protagonist is saved, showing the greatness and awesomeness of God.

17. In Ghanaian gospel music videos we must see three women at least in the the background singing the chorus. It is also important for the video to be shot in a church. It adds to the holiness of the song. If possible, add some Azonto and you're on your way to picking up an award at the music video awards.