Opinion › Feature Article       06.03.2019

Why Wouldn’t Childless Women Feel Maligned?

Photo credit: Confidence Timpo

Reminiscing how a voluptuous woman exited the door of the mall today. She looked charming and more elegant as she drove her baby along. I was puffed and wished it was my wife driving ours because she did it jealously well and that got me mesmerized. So, I quickly remembered the days of “Ankpa Djama”, a lovely neighbour in our enclave, whom I had known to be barren ever since she attained the status of womanhood. Always in her company are a myriad of kids. She will benignly put smiles on their faces in comforting hers to mithe dilemma. Immediately they go away, she will be all alone with a contorted face and falling tears.

Infertility is one of the greatest plagues most women face, after bleaching and vanity. It is for this reason an affluent woman would look so uncomfortable in life when she is barren. That is the bitter half! For them, the best way to curb this social hindrance is through adoption, which is highly commendable. Upon all this, nothing better has been done about the obnoxious tagging of infertile women with all sought of derogatory names. They are termed as “Kene”, from where I reside. I hope yours sounds a bit horrendous as well?

In the continent of Africa, there are virtually no stringent measures instituted to keep barren women from emotional trauma and societal stigmatization. Rather, our voluntary and involuntary actions have straightened and narrowed them to pillory. If you watch the so-called local movies that are shown, they always paint childless women with a weirdest description; if not casting spells on children, she will be maltreating them or would be the one who kidnaps kids for blood sacrifices. The young children are brainwashed after watching these movies. They consider any childless woman as a witch or bloodsucker. When a woman bears no fruit for her husband in a marriage, all the blames rest on her shoulders while the man rocks his life. Later, she would be divorced without a second thought. In some cultures, she could be termed as one to whom the gods have cursed. At certain times, probably, she loses all hopes of being hopeful. Then, she cannot even socialize with her comrades after all of them have delivered theirs successfully. Many a time, she is mocked by her colleagues anytime they are caught in a frenzy mood. She has to always keep quiet else she would be remembered of how her husband walked her out of their marital home and now perching with her mother.

Africans, to some extent, have not reasoned about the consequences of dehumanizing barren women in the society. Some may end up committing suicide while others become devout servants of drugs and alcohol. Prostitution is the appendage of the treatment we subject them to. They may do all these just to have asylum because all is obviously lost; it is only the God-fearing among them who normally turn out to be considerate.

It is a belief that if women are to be content in this situation, their catastrophic trails may aptly be mitigated. Contentment in its rightful sense is the embodiment of self-reliance, of which a [childless woman] is well pleased with what has been bestowed upon her - life. If your directives do not emblem in the above, there is a high propensity of ungratefulness shown towards the Creator. Hence, hallucination easily gets you oppressed and nailed to the cross of recklessness. So you may see such women reflecting if it is God’s decree that has denied them birth or their own actions. This condition erodes their trust in God entirely and a [barren woman] may become ungodly because of her quest to conceive and eventually please her husband and the society. That is when her allegiance would go for the gods [objects of needless worship] to facilitate the process of bringing forth her progeny into the world. However, servitude granted to these fallible beings would not subvert the calamity. The business-oriented men of God have also ventured into this lucrative enterprise of “pray-for-me”. They are the 21st-century gynaecologists in Africa without any medical training. They make money out of it and simultaneously do all sought of evil deeds with the barren women. As though men of God have now become spiritual incubators!

Remember, there are childless women all over who have contributed tremendously to the development of the world, and they are being extolled today. Always be abreast with the fact that not all women would bear children - some are to nurture people’s children to become great in life. So, be grateful.

That alone is an acknowledgement of God's wondrous nature. Anytime you are faced with barrenness, the best is to do more good deeds. Your cry for a child today which has infirmed your act of goodness could even take you away from Allah's tent of mercy if you may have had one. It takes another dimension in the Quran that may wipe your predicaments if you are to listen raptly: "Wealth and children are an allurement of the life of this world; and the ever-abiding, the good works, are better with your Lord in reward and better in expectation" (Qur'an: 18.46)

The society must wholly desist from shaming women who have never been blessed with a child! And to the insolent In-laws who are always dipping their tongue into the issues of their son’s marital life by casting innuendo must be wary of that barbaric life. The media should keep aloof from airing movies with contents which are derogatory to womanhood. They need to reform, and not turn to be problems finding throat slaughtering houses without any solution. Hence popular adage, “when evil destroys, good men build and bind”.

I am very sure that one’s barrenness could be her greatest reward on the day of judgement if she stays solace in this time of distress because Allah’s difficult test comes to His favourite servant. And the reward is immeasurable.

#Yolacem
© Abdur Rahman Odoi Anum Pobee

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