Who is to blame? 5 marriage mistakes that killed Senzo Meyiwa

Now I love football, I am a huge fan since time immemorial. I also know that football is all about MISTAKES. The defenders or goalkeepers need to make mistakes before the opposition is able to score a goal and win the game. It's the same thing with our lives, romance, marriages and relationships.

Soccer player, husband and father of three girls, Senzo Meyiwa, made some marriage mistakes outside of his usual turf, the football field, which I felt contributed in bringing an end to this great and passionate individual.

For the records, Senzo met his wife Mandisa Mkhize in Johannesburg in 2005. They got married in 2013 and barely a year later he was seeing (cheating with) singer Kelly Khumalo albeit without Mandisa's knowledge. Mandisa later found out and a saga ensued with Kelly assaulting Mandisa.

Senzo has gone back and forth between the two women over the past year and recently went public with Kelly by his side. Are we surprised he was murdered while he was with her?

This is the very same Senzo who professed his Christian faith publicly, has bible scriptures on his football hit etc and never ceased to glorify God for every victory. His wife Mandisa told a newspaper, 'He is a real believer and he reads the Bible at every chance he gets. I love his dedication and commitment. He is my hero, a real sweetheart.'

Now this is not about condemning Senzo but rather learning from his marriage mistakes, life and family. Senzo like all of us struggled with sin, his was the sin of adultery and it gradually led him to his death-bed, sadly. He could have avoided his death if he had rejected making these 5 marriage mistakes.

Here are my 5 marriage mistakes which I believe killed Senzo:

1. LACK OF SELF-LEADERSHIP KILLED HIM
On the football pitch Senzo was both captain of his football club Orlando Pirates and country. He was a great leader, but on the home front he wasn't proficient unfortunately.

Now I am not just talking about leadership through providing the financial, emotional and social needs of his wife and three baby girls, which he did with great results. But leading by example as a husband and father in a country that is seriously lacking in this area. We are all aware that his own father had to bring him to book regarding this issue.

2. LACK OF INTEGRITY KILLED HIM
Senzo himself confessed to his lack of integrity after his wife found out about 'the other woman Kelly Khumalo,' he said that "This is all my fault. I lied to them [Kelly and Mandisa]."

Wherever integrity is missing it hurts everyone connected to you.

"I approached her [Kelly] and she asked if I am married. But I wasn't man enough to tell her the truth. As a result, she fell in love with me," Senzo added.

3. LACK OF FAITHFULNESS KILLED HIM
Kelly only found out he is married five months into their relationship, by which time his wife had also heard about the affair when a colleague showed her Kelly's Instagram account with the so many photos of the both of them.

Being a Christian himself, Senzo knew the importance of faithfulness to one partner as a husband, but he failed to implement it.

His wife said, "When I saw pictures of them looking cosy I got the shock of my life. I was heartbroken and cried hysterically. I called Senzo and told him to respect me as a wife but he denied he was having an affair with Kelly'.

4. SIDE-CHICK KELLY KHUMALO
I know everyone has been blaming Kelly but I don't see how she should solely be held responsible for his infidelity but then she is partially responsible for it, isn't it? It takes two to tango.

Kelly's colourful past doesn't help people's opinion of her anyway, but for allowing herself to play the role of a mistress after discovering his marital status, she indeed contributed to his demise.

Don't get me wrong, she didn't pull the trigger neither did she arrange a hit on Senzo, but if the relationship had ended earlier, we wouldn't be mourning the death of Senzo today.

No wonder, Senzo's family chased her away for destroying their son's family when she went to visit before his death.

5. NOT LEARNING FROM HIS PAST
Mandisa was recently quoted in the Sunday Sun as saying:"'I'm glad my husband is back home. I'm loving every moment. Senzo is a good man who loves his family. I support him in his career and we are now closer than ever."

However few months ago, Kelly revealed on social media that she was happily involved with the father of her second. Senzo Meyiwa met his death still married to Mandisa and in a relationship with his Mistress Kelly. The good thing about our mistakes is we become victorious and overcome them whenever we make up our mind to not go back to them.

THE VERDICT
Now none of these 5 marriage mistakes pulled the trigger on Senzo. The trigger was pulled by some heartless criminals who don't value life and lack respect for humanity. But these 5 mistakes surely contributed to Senzo's demise.

As we mourn the life of the legendary Senzo Meyiwa, are we as men going to continue to seek for other relationship outside our wives? Are we going to say do not judge because 'only God can judge me' like Tupac said? Are we going to keep destroying our wives, children and home as we seek for sexual gratification elsewhere?

I feel Senzo was even dead long before he was shot by these merciless intruders. The way God made it, a married man is already dead whenever he is torn between the love of two women.

When I think about my wife and son, I wonder if the same marriage mistakes which killed Senzo Meyiwa could kill me one day, if I let it. I don't blame Senzo, I blame his mistakes.

Our deepest condolences go out to his wife, children, family, fellow soccer players, fans and yes, Kelly Khumalo. May our beloved Senzo's soul rest in peace.

Credit: Solomon Izang Ashoms, South African Author, Journalist, Dating & Relationship coach. Follow  on twitter: @SolomonAshoms or Facebook - Solomon Izang Ashoms